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So Much Mine (Section 2)

Title: So Much Mine
Author: wedspawn
Genre: Slash/Relationship
Pairing: JaeHo
Rating: Eventually NC-17
Beta and Title Gifter: ranalore
Summary: Section Two.
The beginning of a shifting relationship. Hot Korean boys. Sex. Dancing and some angry words. Not necessarily in that order. Not necessarily in each section.

Section One


Jaejoong shook at the chill in the night air, a frost working across his battered soul. His arm had gone numb long before they reached the back door of Club NB, the smirking grin of one of the dance club’s bouncers burning a hole between his shoulder blades. Shame blushed Jae’s face, drenching his fairness in a hot rose, petals scorched with anger and fear. Yunho’s cold face rivaled Seoul’s winter breeze, glassy still and frozen over with menace.

The leader’s dark brown eyes held no warmth, marble passion hardened against Jae’s soft cries of protest as he stumbled over the low steps leading to the alleyway behind the building. Yunho released the singer when his feet tangled, sending him sprawled onto the rough stone bricks lining the tight space between the club and a nearby restaurant. The sounds of the club muted, the heavy steel back door slammed behind them, shutting Jae from the solace he’d meant to find in its pulsating depths.

A snippet of glass, rounded edges worn smooth from rolling truck tires, dug into Jae’s hand, working into the crease of his palm. Run-off from the gutters held the stink of the sky, a sewerage of human waste and cast off food. Staring down into a puddle of dirty water, Jae stared hard into the face he found reflected there, a phantom of a young man barely illuminated by the ambient street lights.

“Don’t say anything.” A voice whispered in his ear, a fragment of his heart that had broken off and lodged itself into the crook of his neck. It had drifted there when Yunho rested his chin on Jaejoong’s shoulder, the young singer holding his breath tight when the photographer instructed the band leader to pull in tighter. Another touch cemented the emotional stile on Jae’s body, a marker of regret placed when the air cooled away Yunho’s warmth when he stepped away. His chest ached now, frozen more from Yunho’s coldness than the air he fought to drag into his tortured lungs.

The face mocked him with its imperfection, a nose too wide for his liking… a mouth that ran full across a thin face. The artfully draped shock of hair he’d started off with now lay as a tangled mess across his cheekbones, matching the disheveled confusion in Jaejoong’s mind. His words were muddied, more so than the water that marred his hoodie, the filth slowly creeping into the fabric, stiffening the cold against his bruised arms.

Yunho’s fingers left a stain on Jae’s skin, the bitter soreness of bruises slowly forming, invisible beneath the thick fleece. Another shudder racked Jae’s body, creasing his spine as he struggled to regain his footing, refusing to give Yunho the satisfaction of seeing him as fractured and ripped apart as he felt. Still they felt…welcome. The aching touch of the other man’s hands on his arms were… like home tucked into a small sheltered crest. He wanted to rub Yunho’s marks into his bones, pushing them down until they were etched into his marrow, wanting them to disappear only when they burned his body at his death.

There were so many words Jaejoong wanted to say… things to shout and spit into the other man’s face but as Jae tilted his chin up, his heart failed him, whispering nothing other than reminders of the laughter he sometimes shared and the sibilant touch of fingers on his thigh or chest. There was nothing of that playfulness in Yunho now, just a rigid statue of control, large fists tight against his thighs as he fought not to strike out at the young man struggling to stand in front of him.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The slap of words didn’t come as a surprise… Jaejoong had been expecting them. Nor was he shocked at the virulence in the broken heated anger barely held back in Yunho’s shuttered voice. Jae expected this, if not more. They’d been dancing around a fire too closely, one stoked by every step the singer took away from the rest of the band in the hopes of distancing himself from his attraction to Yunho.

A nearby dumpster, its steel body battered with dents from garbage trucks traversing the narrow alleyway, provided Jaejoong some support, the soju finally creeping into the front of his throat. The sour of lemon gave him warning followed by the bile of his stomach rebelling against the trauma of emotion and too much alcohol. Swallowing, Jae turned, face hidden from Yunho’s view as he fought to regain some composure before answering.

“What do you …?” The smoothness of Jae’s voice was shattered as his belly finally gave a final push, upending itself into the puddles at his feet. Exhaustion claimed his balance and he reached out, trying to grab at anything before he tumbled into his own vomit. The dryness of his heaves were followed by the purge of soju, the clench of his stomach muscles tightening the skin around his ribs.

The night swam around Jae, a sparkle of nothingness amid the lights. Yunho stood quiet and judgmental as the singer wiped at his full mouth, the sourness of his sick barely a whiff of bitter in the stench of the alleyway. Reaching out, the band leader grabbed at the other, wrenching him nearly off his feet. Twisting Jae around, Yunho slammed the smaller man into the building’s back wall, a burst of flaking stucco showering Jae’s dark hair.

“I am sick of you doing this to yourself.” Yunho hissed, his fingers digging into Jae’s forearms. They struggled for a moment, a cataclysmic battle of wills weakened by Jae’s ebbing resolve at Yunho’s nearness. All Jae could find in his throat was his own disgust and the trembling threat of his body finally giving way beneath him.

Yunho pulled the other man up, slamming him up against the wall for a brief moment then shaking him hard. A solid meaty thunk echoed between them when Jae’s head struck the siding, grains of white sand and cement trapped in his hair. Stars momentarily danced a seductive light show for the singer, then faded back into the cold of Yunho’s angry face. All hint of discipline had been lost in that moment, a furious storm raged in the leader’s eyes, his mouth twisted beyond nearly all recognition as he quietly leaned in.

“Do you have any idea of how you affect the rest of us? Any at all?” Yunho’s breath smelled sweet, plum jam scented with a hint of vanilla. Amid the tragedy of his life falling around him, Jae nearly giggled at the inanity of what his mind noticed amid the wreckage. The laughter was chased with fear as more bruises were made, Yunho’s hands gripping tighter and the space between them became nearly nothing.

The brush of Yunho’s thighs on his hips brought madness, the thin fabric of Jae’s shirt made hot from the other man’s body. Sweat chilled from the night air became pearled salt, rolling into tiny grains in the crease of Jae’s torn jeans. The air seared, trapped between the heavy jacket Yunho had worn to ward off the winter. Jae sucked in the welcome warmth, his body shivering from need more than the cold. Pressed up against the cold wall, the length of Yunho’s chest and legs became a beacon, a light shimmering to capture the desirous moth Jae kept in his heart.

“If you can’t think of yourself…think of the others… think of me!” The words kept coming, a wave of temper pounding at Jae with rapid fists. “Everything you do affects us. Every time there are whispers of you stumbling drunk from a club or draped over some table letting strange hands roam over your body… you affect how we’re seen!”

“They call us, you know…the papers and magazines. They ask us when we’re in interviews if the stories about you are true.” The young man continued, mindless of the anguish captured in Jae’s face. “Every time I have to laugh off about how you spend hours out, flirting with others and drinking. How people talk behind our backs about your looseness and I have to tell them that it’s not true, that you’re just having a good time but always come home safe to us.”

“Then tonight when I am finally sick of wondering how many times I can lie for you, I find you here where you shouldn’t be, lost in yourself. I see the drunk on you and … people who touching you and leaving the stink of their sex on your skin.” Yunho shook him again, a violent aftershock rattling Jae’s teeth.

“I didn’t…”

“You didn’t what?” Yunho spat back, his face pressed nearly into a mockery of a kiss with the young man. Jae’s gaze faltered, finding the rise of Yunho’s wrists rather than the other man’s eyes. “Look at me, Jaejoong! You didn’t what? Think? You didn’t think that how you act would affect how the world sees the rest of us? That you damage our reputation with your selfishness and your self-absorption?”

“I…” His words were lost, carried off by the wind that coursed into the alleyway.

“I can’t stand any more of this. You stumble during the easiest of routines. Everything that you fail at hangs on me as the leader.” Yunho hissed, his jaw clenched. “Do you think that makes it easy for me? When the others joke about you being my favourite…what they’re really saying is; Yunho, why don’t you hound Jaejoong like you do us? Why aren’t you being as hard on him as you are when we make a mistake? They all work hard to strengthen what they are weakest in but you… you don’t even put your heart into something that you should be thankful for…something you say you begged for.”

Jae’s eyes glittered with pain, tears running the edge of razors along his long lashes. The heaviness in his chest beat slowly, a threatening ache leaving him breathless and wanting. Clearing his throat, his body shook with the effort of speaking, his mind screaming with denial as his soul cracked open, words frothing into a bubbling cascade of want.

The whisper was so soft, a feather caught in the rising thermal of Yunho’s anger. The young Korean singer could barely speak, lost in the misery of his pain. Looking up, Jae met Yunho’s strong gaze with a wavering glance before speaking again.

“I put my heart into you. There is no one else I would beg more for.”

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Comments

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
herokun
Jul. 29th, 2008 06:00 am (UTC)
This chapter always makes me want to cry! T___T. The anguish Jae had to suffer from was too bitter to bear.

Yep, YunHo had his own reasons to give out those severe words. Being a responsible leader of an idol group, protecting the clean images… What he tried to do was on the contrary to what Jae did. Then on seeing Jae like this, the anger he tried to control just burst open. The reasons for YunHo’s rage were plausible but it still hurt much when he had such words with Jae.

Jae’s feeling in this chapter was so intense. With his body tortured, his soul was full of shame, anger, fear, pain and yearning. And those mixed up feelings in him grew deeper before YunHo’s fury. The line describing Jae’ emotion was achingly beautiful!!

In this chapter Jae nearly said nothing. What is in focus is his feelings. YunHo is the one mainly talked. Whenever Jae wanted to say something, it was stopped with YunHo’s words. With that, his soreness could not be released and etched deeper into his already hurtful soul.

Though Jae did not said much, his line at the end of the chapter was adequate! It was something always in his mind and something left after those feelings.


wedspawn
Jul. 29th, 2008 01:56 pm (UTC)
:::hugs:: yes, jae never gets to really express his feelings in this chapter. his hurt in inside. from yunho's point of view, jae is messing his life up and yunnie doesn't realize what is really going on. or if he does, he doesn't want to see it.

jae's soul does hurt. but it will heal. :::grins:::

snooks.
herokun
Jul. 29th, 2008 02:20 pm (UTC)
Yeah, in the initial chapters, YunHo was blind! He hurt Jae and got hurt at the same time. Jae's life then was chaotic but YunHo's one was not better.

In this chapter Jae's sorrow was focused more than YunHo's. And your description is extremely beautiful!!! I got heart-wrenching but simultaneously I could not help admiring the sheer beauty in words! Yep! It's achingly beautiful!

Thanks so much for this! *hugs* >(^o^)
(Deleted comment)
wedspawn
Mar. 8th, 2010 03:33 pm (UTC)
hello and snookies! ::::grins::: ah, it is never too late. hell, there are four more books after this :::grins more:::

no worries. it is here.

much love and snookies. ah, the ending... the ending is LMM. ::grins::: well for right now. :::winks:::
(Deleted comment)
wedspawn
Mar. 9th, 2010 03:01 pm (UTC)
heh.... yay! study hard though! you have extra time! :::HWAITING!:::::

um...

So Much Mine (YunJae)
Lavender Bunny (YooSu)
Tarnished Angels (Min7en)
On The Red Couch (YunJae)
Love Much Mine (JaeHo)

All of the pairings intermingle throughout the books so... they kind of all in them at some point.

And aish, ordering is expensive. I only put them up because some people wanted them but really, PDFs are free. Lulu Publishing sends them out. I just put them up. They are sold at cost so I don't have any revenue from them. They're just there if someone wanted a book. :::grins:::
(Deleted comment)
wedspawn
Mar. 9th, 2010 03:22 pm (UTC)
heh.... give it a whirl. i try to intermingle the couples. :D
yummy_dreams
Jul. 25th, 2010 01:50 am (UTC)
Just found this series recently - I'm just reading this through now. I must say it's very good writing, one of the best I've read. For me, it's distinctive because it's both descriptive and poetic... I can see the situation so clearly in my mind's eye. The emotions are intense... and there's enough information to intrigue the reader to read more!

So I'm off to read the next part :)
wedspawn
Jul. 25th, 2010 04:48 am (UTC)
hello and thank you. ah, SMM was a lovely thing to write. :::grins::: i am glad you like it. thank you so much! :D
aidana_astyanax
Dec. 31st, 2010 03:42 pm (UTC)
Ah, the pain :'(
And Yunho being so hard on Jae. Already now you can sense small tendrils of the confusion in Yunho over Jae. He cares for him so much, but he's so angry at him, and also probably afraid for what he's doing to himself and the band.
wedspawn
Dec. 31st, 2010 06:05 pm (UTC)
yunho is very hard on jaejoong. i think partially because he wants jae to get out of his heart :::nods::: inside. someplace, he knows.
devilnh
Sep. 9th, 2011 01:43 pm (UTC)
i really wonder what had happened to JJ.
wedspawn
Sep. 9th, 2011 01:53 pm (UTC)
::::hugs:::: oh, you shall find out. :::snookies:::
chellabulad
Sep. 26th, 2011 10:36 am (UTC)
okay, I'm starting to get this, I shall read the next chapter. It's still a bit confusing to me though
But I'm happy that I can understand the story

Who said that "I put my heart into you."? Omona I feel so silly right now
wedspawn
Sep. 26th, 2011 01:53 pm (UTC)
Ah, Jaejoong said that. And no, don't feel silly. Any time you are confused about something, I will try to help explain. ::::hugs::: It is "gothic" in tone because I wanted something very old in feel. Like the old dramas ^_^
chellabulad
Sep. 26th, 2011 04:38 pm (UTC)
But Yun didn't catch him at that time right?

Yes, I'm starting to love your writing style

In the end I printed my material and I have read half of it, hope I will finish before I fall asleep
If I do fall asleep I think I will need to sit beside someone who had studied
wedspawn
Sep. 26th, 2011 04:48 pm (UTC)
and no, Yun didn't catch him that time :::grins:::

heh... HWAITING on your exam!
iscreamdongbang
Apr. 18th, 2013 11:02 am (UTC)
Like the previous chapter, the images are oh so vivid! :>
It feels like you're in the scene overlooking the happenings between Yunho and Jaejoong. :)
The feels this chapter evokes is uhkvqnmflurbcjrc
I need to find out MOAR! /goes to next chapter
wedspawn
Apr. 18th, 2013 03:47 pm (UTC)
*hugs* heh.... ah i'm glad you liked it!
roham18
Jan. 6th, 2014 06:09 pm (UTC)
yun is being hard on jae but yeah its ness thanks for sharing I enjoy it ;)♥

Edited at 2014-01-06 06:13 pm (UTC)
wedspawn
Jan. 6th, 2014 06:30 pm (UTC)
*grins*
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )

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