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Two faces...

Really this is about two faces of writing... the yaoi and the other stuff I write. Today, I think I'll touch on the yaoi.

I had a conversation last night with susan_zhang about someone reading SMM or one of the books... someone the book was not written for... not the audience. To hear he'd read it was surprising because honestly, I'd not thought of someone seeking it out merely because I wrote it. I'd created the SMM books with an Asian girl mindset. To some raised on certain bodies of literature, the language would be too flowerly and over the top. To someone who was culturally Asian (I was raised quite Asian), the books probably are more in line with the nuances of complex concepts captured in a set of symbols (kanji or hangul). For me the English language is lacking that duality of symbolism in its words. The shape of the language and the meanings are not always sufficent to capture that essence I want.

It's hard to write Japanese or Korean while using English. It's a fucking bitch I might add.

To my knowledge, So Much Mine has been translated into about eight languages so far. It might be more. I don't know. Anyone is welcome to take these words and work them into the language they need them to be. I am good with that. Over a thousand books have gone out and I don't know how many PDFs have been downloaded. To be honest, I don't know if I have the right to "own" those books ... to proclaim them as mine. I view them more as doujinshi. Disposable. Left for others to pick up. But perhaps addressing a few things that people like and maybe talking about things that connect with the Asian audience.

Like self-awareness, acceptance of who you are, learning to love and learning you are worth being loved, being gay and Asian, wanting to please your family because that is just what is done.... and how to speak up if someone is hurting you.

There are a lot of things in those books. Not all of them are serious. Sometimes it is lighthearted but always with an eye on what I wanted to say....and pretty much have always said.

It doesn't matter who you love, so long as you love.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could all accept that as a Truth? Couldn't we move past the fear, anger and hatred if there was a part of the human soul that recognized that piece of the heart?

I am thankful... God no, grateful for the readers of SMM because they liked it. Plain and simple. It just is out there. If someone finds it and likes it, then great. It's not for everyone. Hell, sometimes it's not for me but it belongs to those who need it or want it. I just typed it out.



( 44 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 6th, 2010 05:37 pm (UTC)
ah, thank you. mostly i wanted to sort of write... why i wrote SMM. well, why i continue. sort of navel gazing today.

:::hugs::: i am thankful for your support and wish you the best. smooches.
Sep. 6th, 2010 05:30 pm (UTC)
as above, same same! Thank you for bringing such works to us, we really do appreciate it. what's more your works are always SO MUCH MORE than simply fiction, it carries such messages that touches one's heart...thank you and we'll always support you!
Sep. 6th, 2010 05:38 pm (UTC)
why thank you darling. i am so grateful and appreciative that you like them. truly they are yours to own. like i said, i just typed them out.

so much snookies. thank you.
Sep. 6th, 2010 06:31 pm (UTC)
why I like SMM so much is possibly for the simplest of reasons
its about love
and its so beautifully n realistically done
that you've managed to capture emotions really beautifully
and I love this line
It doesn't matter who you love, so long as you love.
Sep. 6th, 2010 06:32 pm (UTC)
smooches. and yes, above all else, i hope it is about love :::winks:::
Sep. 6th, 2010 06:33 pm (UTC)
wedspawn-sensei you are BIG and I think even when ppl don't credit your work properly we all know who have wrote all of this wonderful stories and a lot of them probably were asking those who didn't put proper credits to credit you wedspawn-sensei ^^~
Anyways I will always be grateful for your hard work and spreading Dong Bang love to all of us~~! *squishes you*
Thank you for being here *bows* <3
Sep. 6th, 2010 06:44 pm (UTC)
ah, i don't feel "big"... honestly i just feel like we're all sitting on the couch and talking. :::nods::: CUPS OF COCOA for everyone! [_])

thank you for sharing the boys with me.
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 6th, 2010 06:45 pm (UTC)
:::grins:::: mumbles...cooooookies. :::grins:::

would you like some coffee or cocoa? i have lots. and some malted milk!

Sep. 6th, 2010 10:11 pm (UTC)
Oh My God, u r amazing. u know that?

i love SMM and ur other fics so so much that i can't even begin to describe it. so freaking awesome^^

hope u'll have a very long, happy and healthy life so that u can entertain these suckers, who are always hungry for ur work (mainly,moi^^) forever. hehe

Sep. 6th, 2010 10:45 pm (UTC)
:::grins::: you are so adorable. ah, i am just me. :::nods:::

and snookies. be sure to be happy! HAPPY! i demand it!

Sep. 7th, 2010 12:29 am (UTC)
I honestly didn't know SMM was so big O______O
To me, you're just another one of us. A happy fangirl who's just a FABULOUS, GLORIOUS, AMAZING, ETC writer.
I don't know what I'm saying here, other than THANK YOU for giving us SMM and for sharing your talent as a writer with the rest of us. I can only hope to become half as good of a writer as you are, unni.
Sep. 7th, 2010 02:05 am (UTC)
good. i am one of you. okay older a bit... and with a SERIOUS addiction to coffee... :::grins:::

heh... are you kidding? i am the one who is grateful and thankful. you rock! the days in life are SO much better for having you in them!

Sep. 7th, 2010 04:12 am (UTC)
Sep. 7th, 2010 04:15 am (UTC)
Sep. 7th, 2010 05:53 am (UTC)
Sep. 7th, 2010 07:00 am (UTC)
Ano. Don't want to get this wrong, but did the guy view SMM in a good light or a bad light? Cause it's pretty vague the way you wrote it *chus*

I love you. I love whatever you write. And I agree that if it is written in japanese,korean or heck even chinese! It's going to be beyond hard to translate because every character in the asian text has about 3-4++ meanings behind it. Chinese is already tough for me heh. Though to those who do translate it in those languages and get the meaning across, that's some skill.

*chus* SMM, LB, TA and everything else brings so many good memories no? When the boys are still together, image heavy eye candy of the 5. Your story progress each time. I don't find them disposable though. As the author, may be you'll think that way, but if someone else tried picking up from where you left off... The tone, the feel of the story, the essence of it. It's not the same :)

I wish I could draw out all the scenes of what you've written. Kekeke. Would be so awesome.

And one more think hun *glomps* We don't just 'like' it, we love it beyond words. You've helped many of us.

I love you very much <3

Sep. 7th, 2010 02:31 pm (UTC)
you are so sweet. :::hugs you tight:::

i think most of all, he didn't get it. to be fair, a lot of people don't understand why i wrote it as "purple" as i did. mainly because i don't think english has those levels of meanings within the language that the asian symbols do. i wish it did. but the squiggles are just squiggles that form letters. any symbolic connection to a feeling is lost in the writing except for the word itself.

so to purple and flowery i went :::Grins:::

i am loathe to make comments about the differences in fandom and fic but there does seem to be a bit of a cultural divide in the understanding of why the language is the way it is. but that's okay... because really, SMM isn't for everyone. i know that and i'm okay with that. eveyrone has different tastes. :D

i like writing for this "world", for these characters. i would wish that their inspiration have a good and happy long lives. :::nods:::

and you as well. smooches and so much love.

Sep. 8th, 2010 01:01 pm (UTC)
*chus* Ah I understand. Somewhat. And yea, I agree with you, everyone has different taste :) By all means it isn't a surprise if one prefer to lean towards what they prefer best. Doesn't mean that something else isn't better though. Everyone has a fair chance.

*huggles* continue to write hun. *chus*
Sep. 7th, 2010 12:14 pm (UTC)
I've never thought about how the fics i've read will appeal to others & how different the writing might be. But you are right, sometimes i feel that English is just not enough to express some of the words in your own mother tongue.

One of the reason that i like your fics is that it has depth to it, not just in the story line but also in the usage of words. I believe there is a lot of things that goes into making a good fic & seriously i'm just to unobservant to pick them out of my brain now. I've to say that you have done a very good job in combining various methods/items together to create a fic with good depth.

I know that even if i'm no a fan, i'll still enjoy SMM & the other books. Good to hear that others non-fans are also reading them.
Sep. 7th, 2010 02:34 pm (UTC)
english is a bit... staid because the letters don't have an expression as well. it's sad sometimes because i feel like it misses that oomph. that richness in selecting that perfect word. that perfect symbol.

but i do the best i can. :::grins:::

thank you for reading the books. i like exploring the issues this world gives me. i think i've enjoyed that the most :D and well, the people i have been blessed to meet through them.

snookies :D
Sep. 7th, 2010 01:05 pm (UTC)
well said. *claps and hugs*
SMM is a very emotional piece for me not just because the boys are there but because someone like us can actually relate to some of the issues you bring up, i think that is the most important point to the reader. When you write i'll read and listen, always here *hugs again* :)
Sep. 7th, 2010 02:35 pm (UTC)
kisses you! :::hugs:::: ah i adore you.

thank you. smooches. and thank you again. really, no words can say that strong enough.
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 7th, 2010 05:26 pm (UTC)
you are very sweet. and thank you.

i actually don't like writing real person fanfic. i started SMM and sort of developed them more as characters, influenced by the personas shown to us by SM entertainment. i will be the first one to say i wanted to portray a realistic maybe could be true kind of story but without a doubt, there is no truth in these stories.

would i want yunjae to be real? hell, what woman doesn't want to imagine two hot asian boys loving one another? :::Grins::: but i know that if they are real, their lives would be complicated and so full of pain. i would want the people.. the REAL people to just be happy. i would wish that all for them :D

ah, the guys. the SMM guys i adore because really, they are personalities that i can play with. characters. pretty well formed in some areas. sometimes surprising. the yoosu always seems like crack and they go off on some strange tangents :::Grins::: yunjae are a storm and min7en is layered like cake. sometimes i feel sorry for making "rain" the bad guy. and at times i feel bad for doing crappy things to the jae character but ah, there were reasons!

really, not just because it allowed yunho to kiss and make things better although that's always a good reason.

thank you for reading. and thank you for being here. it means so much to me. snookies.
Sep. 7th, 2010 05:28 pm (UTC)
ahh~ your such a beautiful person.

I connect with this on so many levels, I understand the Asian upbringing, and SMM feels so close to my heart. I write as well, but its so hard, and I love that you took the step and wrote this for the people who feel like this but can't say it as well as you do. To me its truly so much more than the boys (even though I love them so very much) its exactly as you say. love, for the sake of loving.

Thank you for sharing it with us.
Sep. 7th, 2010 07:03 pm (UTC)
smooches and hugs.

i think there are many of us right now struggling with the expansion of our world and culture while still maintaining our traditional filial duties. we are often caught between two very different worlds. and how are we to manage? it's easy for someone to say... oh do what you like? but ah, we cannot... they do not understand those ties... those strings.

thank you for reading. and thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. snookies.
Sep. 8th, 2010 04:06 am (UTC)
There is only one...and that's you...^-^

Whenever I hear about SMM...I will always think of you...our ultimate writer...*bowing down to you*
Sep. 8th, 2010 04:09 am (UTC)
piffles. i am merely here to carry words. you created this world. i swear! i just wanted to share it. and am SO happy for the company on the couch! [_])
Sep. 9th, 2010 12:44 am (UTC)
i think you delivered these messages really well. i read smm backwards. starting with tarnish angel lol but the overall universe is so fundamental. your incredible writing style to your in depth characterization is truly amazing. i can honestly say that smm universe change my perspective in love. your quote it doesnt matter who you love as long as you love really provoke serious amendments in my perspective in life. n of course through tarnish angel(as it was the first book i read in smm universe) i became so much more open minded about homosexuality and just love being love in general.

please continue writting! ^___^
Sep. 9th, 2010 04:51 am (UTC)
heh... smooches and hugs. ah thank you. so so much for reading. and ah, well i have so much love for tarnished angels. min is a sweet. :::winks::: heh.

thank you baby. and smooches.
Sep. 9th, 2010 03:13 am (UTC)
I have a confession to make :

I made my gay best friend read SMM, LB and TS *LOL*

he's a non TVXQ fan, and he loves it! eventhough you wrote it as a fanficton but the messeages are clear and not only the fans enjoyed your writings but other people too
the review from a non TVXQ fan who enjoyed your writings merely as a novel, that it was a fun and an easy to read entertaiment

over all the whole TVXQ fandom -i haven't been here for a long time-, you are one of my fave writer and i only have two fave writer *LOL*
Sep. 9th, 2010 04:53 am (UTC)
:::hugs::: thank you baby. i hope that the books would hold up if someone didn't know the fandom. the facts are... we sometimes suffer alongside of our friends who cannot love. who cannot be loved. for whatever reason. i wish everyone can be loved. they deserve it. :::nods:::

smooches and tell your friend snookies from me.
Sep. 9th, 2010 11:34 am (UTC)
i love you. even more because of SMM Universe and other dongbang fictions you had written, also for "The Four". you kick ass with your writing. i don't mind though ::smooches::
Sep. 9th, 2010 02:29 pm (UTC)
heh... smooches and hugs. ah the four. so much fun to write. so dark. :::grins::: and kisses and hugs. thank you baby.
Sep. 9th, 2010 12:55 pm (UTC)
This is a really nice reflection statement. I think I get the main idea of what you are saying... that's why I believe there's nothing that quite substitutes learning a language for itself. Much is lost in translation - some cultural concepts and their nuances are embedded in the formation and choice of words. This is the same with Japanese and Korean.

I like how this post has generated a lot of interested discussion too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Sorry I've been a bit busy lately, so I have not been reading your stories much.
Sep. 9th, 2010 02:30 pm (UTC)
it is quite okay baby. are you doing well? getting sleep? don't forget to take care of yourself okay? :::hugs:::
Sep. 10th, 2010 10:04 am (UTC)
Personally I'm not a YunJae fan. I much prefer JaeMin and JaeSu. And yet SMM is still one of my all time favs because it is just a good read plain and simple.
Yeah, stories like these aren't for everyone but no story is. No story appeals to everyone.
The style SMM is written in suits it. It fits and that kind of fit is what makes a book a good read.
I think too, for people out there who are maybe shy about posting their own stories...
It doesn't matter really if you are a good writer. Fan fiction is for fun.

Do you enjoy writing? If yes then write!

Someone somewhere is going to enjoy it. I don't write well but I love it! So I continue to do it when I can.

And just on a side note...one of the things I love so much about livejournal is the camaraderie and the willful effort made to make this a welcoming and encouraging place to express oneself. That doesn't come from the mods. That comes from all of us.

Sep. 10th, 2010 02:19 pm (UTC)
I fully encourage people to write because it REALLY doesn't matter what the end result is... it is the effort that counts... and enjoying it. the process :D

smooches and snookies.

and yes, that is what i love about LJ too!
Sep. 12th, 2010 12:39 pm (UTC)
I have always been a silent reader, but I felt compelled to speak up now.

So Much Mine wasn't the first YunJae fanfic I tried, but SMM was the first YunJae fanfic that I ever finished reading. I was completely hooked onto it. You crafted the words so beautifully, and you paint this beautiful story of the boys that involved so much emotion.

I was new to the whole YunJae fandom at that time , and at first I didn't know what to think when I was reading it. But I couldn't stop reading it. The issues you dealt with, the raw emotions you conveyed, it was artistically done, and I love your portrayal of Jaejoong.

I only have three favourite Yunjae writers, and you're the top of the three.

Thank you for writing this.

Sep. 12th, 2010 04:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you honey. Ah, when I first started writing, it was supposed to be a one-shot. Then the issues came into play and well, there you go. :::grins:::

I am so glad you like them. I appreciate your reading the books and finding something in them. That means so much.

Snooks and thank you.
Sep. 20th, 2010 10:42 am (UTC)
I admire you and love you so much, because of all your fic. OMG! I can't describe all my sensation...
Thank you...
Sep. 20th, 2010 12:06 pm (UTC)
aw thank you. i am so grateful to have you here with me! ::::HUGS::::
Sep. 25th, 2010 01:37 am (UTC)
I'm going to be honest so I have to go anon to post this.

I loved SMM, LB and TA. When I was reading these stories, I just took a whole week for them. I sat down and read them all in one shot. While reading these stories, I quickly noticed the flowery, over-the-top language. Being a fandom newcomer at the time, I had no idea of what writing styles are preferred and what stories are considered 'good fiction'. And which ones are 'bad fiction'.

I've read a lot of critique about your fic. Dialogue isn't realistic enough, Jaejoong is overly feminized, Yunho is an inconsiderate dick, Changmin and Shichi do nothing but kiss and share food. Whatever.

Your writing still remains strangely compelling for me. When I see you've updated, I have to click on the cut and read it. Then I'm left wondering all over again about what the hell I love about your work so much when it goes against a lot of ... things I've been told not to do when writing.

There was one scene in Love Much Mine with Yunho crying and Jaejoong holding him. You made me cry bitterly with that chapter. I ached for Yunho and his need for Jaejoong to pleasure him warring against his tradional views.

I relate to your characters, depite the writing. No one has ever made me overlook their writing and still plough on. There's something you gotta be doing right. A lot of us love your fic despite some of the strange metaphors.

Someday, I'd love to write an essay on why you have so many fans. Heh. :D
Sep. 25th, 2010 02:59 am (UTC)
heh.... honestly, how i write SMM and the other books is quite different from how i write other genres. i purposely chose this style to capture the.... essence of language that i couldn't quite achieve in english.

it's like writing haiku. i can make the words but the characters themselves are images i can't provide. so i went flowery at times... for that asian audience.... for that heft. i figure if purple was good enough for austen and bronte, i can slag a few here. :::grins:::

no matter what the style, i want the reader to find something of themselves in the characters being portrayed (although i really think i try to do jae as more androgy than feminine ... because i do find him masculine... :::grins:::).

there have been teachers that told me what to read and what i should like. some things i've agreed with and others i've found to be... less than satisfying. eventually i think it all comes down to what hits you as good on that day. there are authors i love and adore with vastly different styles... and musicians as well. find what you like ::::grins::: heh.

fans? ah, see, i just share. it comes out of the brain, unedited and then posted. would i cut some of it out if i edited? maybe.. maybe not. i like the flavour of the stories. they're fun to write and even better to just pour into. i am glad people find something in them. i'd probably write something in this style even if no one read them. it's a great style to play with. and seemingly suited for the thunderstorm of yunjae :::winks::: heh.

snookies and thank you... really for reading. :D
( 44 comments — Leave a comment )


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