what to say here? thank you. that's really all i can say. thank you all for reading and then recommending this fic to others. i have gained much from your insight and am always thrilled to hear your thoughts. i know that this fic has been an odd one for some of you...and that i've taken the jaeho places that probably weren't expected but i did always intend for them to be together. i hope that i can in some small way, provide a closure for all of you with this section. i will be creating a PDF of the entire fic and posting it. i will do that in a couple of days after reading through it and checking formatting and other things.
so once again...thank you. i will see you in a few months. please keep the couch warm and the pillows plumped. and if anyone finds a stuffed lavender bunny, please return it to junsu, he will need it when i start writing again. hugs to you all...reece
Rating: NC-17!... This section contains NO lemon.
Many thanks toranalore who REALLY REALLY is to blame.
Summary: The beginning of a shifting relationship. Hot Korean boys. Sex. Dancing and some angry words. Not necessarily in that order. Not necessarily in each section.
One; Two; Three; Four; Five; Six; Seven; Eight; Nine; Ten; Eleven; Twelve; Thirteen; Fourteen; Fifteen; Sixteen; Seventeen; Eighteen; Nineteen; Twenty; Twenty-One; Twenty-Two; Twenty-Three; Twenty-Four; Twenty-Five; Twenty-Six; Twenty-Seven; Twenty-Eight; Twenty-Nine; Thirty; Thirty-One; Thirty-Two; Thirty-Three; Thirty-Four
Seoul’s night sky was brilliant with stars, a sea of twinkling nights hung in a blue-black velvet. Junsu and Changmin leaned against the rooftop wall, trying to find Cassiopeia amid the stretch of constellations, not sure if their beloved token was visible in the winter sky. The futon pad had been transported to the roof, somehow the five young men maneuvering up a narrow flight of stairs to the access door, Yoochun complaining that he was carrying most of the weight when the floppy sofa-mattress bowed in the middle.
Bundled warm against the nip still lingering in the air, Jaejoong rolled over onto his stomach, head bent in close to Yoochun’s, their whispering low amid the noises rising from the street below. Yunho pulled at a pillow caught under his elbow, the fabric smelling of cloves and his lover’s kiss, Jaejoong’s mouth had clenched around several ends of pillows while walking behind the futon, his arms overflowing with cushions and a spare blanket. Most of Jae’s body splayed over Yunho’s, the singer’s lanky legs wrapped around the leader’s thighs, his rear cupped into the curve of Yunho’s ribcage.
Watching the other members chat, Changmin pointing up to the stars they could see lined up along the horizon, Yunho wondered if Yoochun noticed Junsu lingering glances back. More than like not, the leader thought, watching Yoochun and Jaejoong lay on the futon, laughing softly at some shared private joke. A troubled look passing over the Junsu’s face when he spotted Micky lean in and lick Jaejoong’s cheek. Their intimacy spoke of a private love, easy going and willing, something most people would assume included shared bodies and hot nights of sweat. Yunho knew better. Jaejoong just loved generously when he did love. It was a love Yunho wondered if he himself would ever recover from.
Yunho understood the jealousy on Junsu’s face. He still had pangs of twisting green in his belly when the two friends wrapped around one another on the couch or Yoochun rested his chin on Jae’s shoulder, slumping the singer into his body after sliding in behind him on the floor. Their easy, intimate friendship was something Yunho knew he would have to endure, Jaejoong fierce in his loyalties and loves.
Taller buildings around them shielded most of the wind, an infrequent coursing icy bite sneaking in between the sheltered rooftop, just enough to make Jaejoong shiver and edge closer to Yunho’s warmth, despite Yoochun laying nearly on top of him. That small little gesture of ownership and belonging firmed Yunho’s love and trust, feeling the singer’s affection in every action he did.
Reaching for his lover’s back, Yunho slid his fingers along the ridge of Jaejoong’s spine, wondering how long before they would be able to creep back downstairs, finding warmth under the thick heavy quilts and whisper of secrets they shared. At the feel of Yunho’s flesh on his, Jaejoong looked over his shoulder, a quiet shy smile that often peeked out during private moments, a peeling off of all masks right before they kissed. Yunho’s heart raced with a thrill, knowing Jae was finally unfolding the steel petals around his heart, letting him in more and more, without fear or reserve.
The evening had now become a gift, a symbol of more nights to come. In a flash of a coy smile, the singer offered himself up to his lover with soul wide open, a rare present normally only shared when the lights were off and he could hide his tears. Yunho trailed his hand down over the rise of Jae’s rear, letting it linger over the cleft before splaying his fingers down the dip of muscle.
Junsu’s face twisted once more, a thread of darkness on his bright smile. Yoochun had turned, nuzzled up between Jaejoong and Yunho, his belly tight on the singer’s arm. Yunho briefly had an inconsiderate thought regarding the other singer, a menacing half-wish that melted away under the brilliance of Jaejoong’s coy, flirtation smile. Yunho was about to hug them both when a shout for Micky popped the younger man’s head up, grazing Jaejoong on the temple.
“Aish, your head is hard!” Jae pushed at his friend’s shoulder, spreading out the space between them. “It should be soft from your thoughts being so rotten.”
Yoochun made a face at the singer, dorky and mocking as Junsu shouted for Yoochun to join them. Yunho smiled to himself, sucking his lips in to avoid laughing aloud. Reaching over, the leader tucked his hands around his lover’s waist, pulling him up as Yoochun slid from the futon, Jaejoong letting himself be maneuvered into Yunho’s lap.
The singer’s kiss was scented, the lingering sweetness concentrated in the savouring lick Yunho ran under the ridge of Jaejoong’s teeth. Moaning, Jae leaned into the affection, the chill of the growing night fleeing under his lover’s warmth. Wrapping the singer tight to him, Yunho held the angelic summer he found in the Jaejoong’s flesh, feeling the dig of Jae’s shoulder blades into the crest of his chest. Yunho could imagine the hidden wings, phantom snow feathers tipped in a stygian black, a dusting of sorrowful crow swept clean by the tears Yunho wiped from Jae’s face.
“Kiss my forehead. Chunnie’s head is like a thrown rock.” Jaejoong pressed his temple against Yunho’s mouth, gently rubbing at the spot. Yunho pursed his lips, delivering the smallest of kisses, much to Jae’s regret.
“More.” Jaejoong demanded, a petulant mockery of a child wanting candy. Yunho heard that tone often enough to know his lover wasn’t serious about a tantrum but definitely expected more of what he wanted.
Yunho easily complied, finding Jaejoong’s neck, biting harder than he intended to but pleased with the soft kitten sound from the other’s throat. Junsu glanced quickly away, satisfied that Yunho would keep the singer busy…far too busy to call out to Yoochun. A sulky Changmin shrugged off his mélange, his feelings would have to remain hidden, his own heart too unripe for another to pluck but the longing was there, as was the confusion of what to do when his soul leapt for Junsu’s smile. Yoochun ignored all of it, concentrating on the far off skyline, seeking to find the horizon where a carnival spun its Ferris wheel, a string of lights forming a spider web against the crystal clear darkness.
Jae responded openly to Yunho’s caresses, hoping to steal yet another warm night before returning to the reality of their lives. This time on the roof brought them closer, each of them knitting their hearts into a scarf to warm their souls. The day had been grueling, their manager a hard task master, benevolent in his praise but cutting in his critique. Yunho pushed the others nearly as hard, railing at Jaejoong’s missed steps and rounding on Yoochun when the other man lost his place in a song, mumbling through a chorus, throwing the others off, Changmin spiraling into another verse before he caught himself.
The five worked on their ruffled feathers and small grudges out, a tiny shouting match between Junsu and Jaejoong, a misunderstanding Yunho stepped into, rereading the changes in the song and then realizing the part really belonged to him. Laughter eventually shattered the remaining burrs of their egos, edged young male pride rubbed clean from soft words spoken from apologetic tongues.
The carting of the futon and pillows had been a group effort, a laughing mess of a time lugging the heavy mattress around the final flight of tight stairs, Changmin’s shout of surprise as he was pinned against the door, unable to move or open it inwards, the futon pressed up against his spine. Junsu nearly toppled down the steps, laughing so hard he choked on his own spit, Yoochun pounding on the young man’s back, hoping to clear the passageway.
Jaejoong had been no help, mouth full of pillow ends and blankets piled nearly to the top of his head. Yunho caught at his hips more than once, luxuriating in the feel of the singer’s warm body under his red down jacket. Yunho’s nose tip played with the cross dangling from Jae’s ear, the silver winking metal nearly lost under his black hair.
Yunho worked Jae’s mouth further, playing out the small mews and moans from his open, rasping mouth until Jaejoong’s pleas for his lover’s body drew hoarse mewlings from Yunho’s own longing. Sliding his hand from Jaejoong’s body, Yunho turned the singer over until he rested on his side facing his lover, running a practiced hand over the man’s muscled thigh. Urging the other singer to slide his leg over, Yunho placed a gentle kiss on Jaejoong’s mouth, the beauty of his face fully visible to the leader.
“Yunho…” The question hung in the air as Jaejoong turned to face his beloved boyfriend, the fear and pain still clinging to the edges of his awareness. His perfection, the angelic beauty on his face lay hidden to Yunho’s eyes and Jaejoong ached to share only that perfection, blinding himself to the reality of his existence if only for just a long, passionate moment. “I…just want you to know that I’m sorry for the pain I will cause you…for what I’ve caused between you and your parents.”
“I want you to know something, Kim Jaejoong.” Yunho’s graceful mouth slid down Jae’s neck, stopping when the singer warning Yunho from biting him, already at a loss to explain the large purple bruise under his ear, the skin dimpled with red welts.
Before the television interview yesterday, his stylist nearly poked at it, the end of the rat tail comb a small torture when drawn over the bruised nerves, the skin remembering Yunho’s bite with vivid detail. Yunho had laughed at the shocked look Jaejoong shot him under the fringe of his black bangs, a snarling flare of his full mouth, mock irritation at the mark staining his neck. Jaejoong tumbled his lies together, unsure if at the end of a long ramble that he’d fallen against a table or had actually been attacked by an irate octopus.
Kissing the spot instead, Yunho continued. “You don’t cause me any pain. You cause me worry and sometimes make me angrier than I even knew I could be but you also make me happier… you taught me that my happiness is infinite.”
“Yunnie-ah, sometimes your words are poison. You make me stumble inside.” Jae responded, his fingers catching in the fabric of Yunho’s shirt. They huddled there on the futon, shoulder to shoulder, just letting the night sky turn over them. “I sometimes am afraid that I’m going to wake up and find out that this is a dream. I can’t imagine someone like you loving me, as flawed as I am…and there you are… loving me.”
“I love you in your most…flawed and most pained times.” Yunho pressed one hand down onto Jaejoong’s hipbone as he guided the tip of tongue to the edge of the singer’s exposed mouth. “The beauty of who you are lies not on your flesh but your soul. Can you not see that, my moon…Joongie-ah?”
“You are… so perfect to love.” Jae whispered, nearly afraid of the emotions filling his chest. “I wonder at having you inside of me, of loving me as deeply as you do. You’ve become my sin. I understand what you mean when you call me that.”
“You are the one that’s sin incarnate. There are men out there who wish they had you to open their souls, crack open their hearts from the cement walls that they’ve erected around them. You’re a sin because I want you all the time. Lust, gluttony, pride… you bring all of those out in me. I can’t even breathe without having my lungs scream for your scent. And my food, it holds the taste of your body if I’ve just kissed you.” Yunho laughed, the heat of his breath warming Jae’s cold nose tip. “Joongie-ah, I am so far deeply in love with you, it makes me hurt when you’re not around.”
“Yunnie …lover…” Bashful, Jaejoong dipped his head down, his nose touching the tiny brown beauty mark above Yunho’s lip.
Jae licked at the spot, a show of affection he often was able to do quickly, and daringly in front of others, Yunho dipping his head in to kiss the end of Jae’s nose. It was too hard to remain apart, especially in public. They found themselves gravitating towards one another, hands brushing and fingers tangling as they walked off stage. Little habits formed in the privacy of their home became gestures of familiarity in front of all-seeing eyes, a shared bite of food or Yunho’s incessant hands finding the inside of Jaejoong’s thigh. It was an intimate caress, an secret forged language they both shared, Yunho instinctively finding the curve of his lover’s thighs, reassuring and comforting during times when Jaejoong’s shyness overcame him.
“I have something for you, Boo.” Yunho tried to peek over Jaejoong’s head, not wanting the others to suddenly take an interest in what he was doing. He spent so much time balancing the others’ needs and Jaejoong’s private wants, often sacrificing the time he would give his lover so the three young men ogling stars would not feel slighted. He reached into the pocket of his jacket, cast off when they’d first laid on the futon, Jae’s warm body against his more than enough of a balm against the cold.
Now was a time not to be shared. Right at that moment under the universe’s all-seeing eyes, Yunho wanted it to be just he and his lover.
The pouch he’d tucked away had lain there for several days, each moment passing pregnant with wondering doubt as to Jaejoong’s reaction. Finally, lying beneath the stars with the one man he would give his heart to, Yunho knew that it was time to cross the final line between them, forging that bond he needed to feel complete. Jaejoong made no demands, wanting nothing from Yunho except his love and support, the unconditional openness of the singer’s affections foreign in its very freedom. Tugging the blue velvet loose, Yunho placed it between them, silently placing Jaejoong’s hands on the knotted cords.
“I want you to open that.” Yunho waited, his stomach suddenly sprouting with razor chrysanthemums.
The flowers bloomed, unfurling sharp edges into the tender honeycomb of Yunho’s belly when Jaejoong spread the pouch open, a curious veil over his pretty face. The cords dangled over his fingers, woven bleeds of midnight over the singer’s wrists. Feeling something inside, Jaejoong shook out the slight weight at the bottom of the pouch, a pair of silver rings chiming against one another, a belling tone, pure and quiet.
They glistened, stars captured in forged metal. Astonished and questioning, the singer picked up the rings, turning over the smaller one onto his palm. Its crisscross design formed an X on two sides, the other a plainer single band, wider in width and breadth. Yunho picked up the smaller of the rings, placing it between his pursed lips and kissing its chilled rim.
“I saw these and thought that they should… I should put this one on you.” Yunho slid the ring down over Jaejoong’s index finger. “These are…these should be wedding rings, Boo. My Jaejoong is one day going to be wearing a wedding band on the right finger and everyone is going to know that you’re mine.”
“For now,” Yunho lifted Jaejoong’s hand to his mouth, kissing the singer’s palm with a light brushing lick. “I want you to wear my kiss on your fingers. Every time someone sees you or touches you, there will always be my kiss on you to remind you…and me… that when we’re alone, I will be spreading that kiss all over your body.”
Trembling, Jaejoong’s fingers touched the heavier of the two rings, pinching it to hold it up. “And this one?”
“This ring...” Yunho took it from his lover, holding it in front of Jae’s full pout. Jaejoong’s tongue found it first, a delicate dab of moisture…the gesture one Yunho knew so well. It was always a prelude to sweetness, a tasting lap on Yunho’s mouth before Jaejoong stole a kiss when he thought no one was looking. The ring disappeared under the laving, Jae pulling back and taking the ring back, sliding it onto Yunho’s offered index finger. “This ring is the moon which I see every time I touch your skin or find the lights in your eyes when we’re on stage. When I clench my hands, I am going to be holding you in my palm…holding your kiss to my skin. And when I place my hand against my chest, I will be taking your heart into mine.”
“You are mine, Kim Jung Jaejoong.” Yunho touched the treasure he’d found in the darkness of an alleyway, the spill of bone and flesh holding the most precious soul he would ever encounter. “I don’t want you to go a day without knowing that…without feeling that. And one day, I promise you that you will wear gold… in the sunshine… and my hand will have its partner.”
“I’m not going to love anyone but you, Yunho.” Jaejoong whispered, touching his ringed hand to his lover’s face. It shimmered against the other’s cheekbone, a reminder of the kisses they shared. “Always yours.”
“I love you as well. So much so.” Yunho nodded, his words caught with the tears welling in the edges of his eyes. “And you will always be mine, Joongie-ah…as I will always be yours.”