Pairing: Jaejoong and Junsu (apparently Yoochun and Yunho / Min7en too)
Lemon in next section. I wanted it to have its own chapter.
Summary: Junsu discovers an emptiness in his heart and is afraid the only person who can fill it is someone too broken...too afraid to be loved.
Sections: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Se7en, Eight, Nine, Ten
For Ree, Maria, Scarletpeonies, Calyto ...and anyone else who wanted a JaeSu.
Their first kiss was stolen, a quick slide of Junsu’s lips over Jaejoong’s before they walked on stage at a fan meet. Smiling, the impish Junsu stepped through the curtains sand into the spotlights without saying a word to the man whose mouth he’d just slid the tip of his tongue across.
Jaejoong stood at the curtains for a moment, mentally willing his erection away. His traitorous body did not respond. Instead, his sex thickened at the taste of the young man still lingering in Jae’s mouth and his mind wandered to dangerous flights of fancy Jaejoong could ill afford to have right before stepping in front of his fans.
Perhaps he tastes that sweet everywhere, His mind whispered. Maybe his release is made of cotton candy and stars.
The microphone picked up Jae’s low growling moan as he stepped onto the stage and he smiled wide enough to hurt his face, hoping his waves were enthusiastic enough to draw attention away from the stiff thrust of his flesh between his legs.
Their second kiss came unexpectedly.
The moment was sweet, a chance brushing of their bodies as they squeezed into the back of an SUV. The night was a cloak around them and as the doors close, the overhead light plunged them into a darkness.
It was a daring moment but one Jaejoong took. The risk was worth the reward as he parted Junsu’s lips with his own. The kiss was deep, a sharing of tongues and affection. It ended too quickly for both of them but the interior light flashed on as the driver got into the SUV but the warmth lingered in their bodies.
Junsu shifted on the seat, trying to ease the tightness in his jeans. He got a brief respite when the air conditioning hit him and Junsu shivered, more from the feel of Jaejoong’s fingers entangled in his than the chill of the cold air.
Their third kiss stole Junsu’s breath.
The photographer for their shoot shouted directions at Yoochun, asking the young man to move towards a bank of windows. Fatigue drew shadows under the singers’ eyes and Junsu yawned, his lashes watering with tears from the stretch of his mouth. Leaning back into one of the prop sofas, Junsu was startled when gentle fingers captured his chin and turned his face to the side. Blinking suddenly, he stared up into Jaejoong’s soulful eyes.
His head was tilted back before Junsu could say anything and the other man’s mouth came down to take his. The gentle pressure of Jaejoong’s lips on his own made Junsu sigh and Jaejoong took advantage of the soft moaning whisper. Parting Junsu’s lips with his tongue, Jae teased and coaxed Junsu’s mouth until the young man surrendered another whispering groan.
Fear leaves a tingle along Junsu’s spine. Shrouded in shadow, he is almost certain no one would see them but the chance is still there. When Jaejoong presses in, deepening their kiss, Junsu nearly pulls away in alarm but the older man’s hand is cupped around the back of his head and Junsu is held fast, open and poised for Jaejoong’s explorations.
Junsu’s world tightened until only he, Jaejoong and the couch existed. The sweetness of his soon-to-be lover’s mouth whisked away the fatigue imprisoning his body. A languid heat skimmed under Junsu’s skin, turning to fire where Jaejoong’s clever fingers touched his bare skin.
It was over in a moment and Jaejoong pulled away with a brush of his thumb over Junsu’s now swollen lips. Disheveled and aroused, Junsu inhaled sharply, needing oxygen in his air-starved lungs but wanting the return of Jaejoong’s mouth more. The taste of the other man lingered, a complex twist of sweet, cloves and coffee.
“We can’t keep doing this,” Junsu whispered, catching Jaejoong by the wrist before the other man slipped away. “I need more of you than a moment. I want more of you than… your mouth.”
Jaejoong’s face was a schooled mask as he leaned forward to whisper into Junsu’s ear but the heat of his words seared his meaning into Junsu’s heart.
“I want more too, Junsu-ah,” Jaejoong murmured, the tip of his tongue lightly skimming Junsu’s pierced earlobe. “I just don’t know if I’m ready to die from the pleasure of you yet.”
Trouble came in a familiar form. Jaejoong expected it but the reality of Yoochun showing up on his front steps shocked him. Holding a small flat of cold beer, Yoochun gave his best friend a half smile and waited to be invited in. Jaejoong cocked his head and studied Yoochun, conflicted and unsure for the first time in his friendship with the American-raised young man.
“You’re allergic to cats, remember?” Jaejoong said flatly. “Jiji’s fur will kill you.”
“Then come out.” Yoochun rattled the beers at his friend. “We can go to the river and drink these. It’s been a long time since we’ve talked. And, we need to talk, Joongie-ah.”
“Meet me down by the river. At the flat rock.” Jaejoong glanced down at his bare feet and sweats. His stomach growled, reminding him dinner time had long come and gone. “I need to get dressed.”
“I’ll grab some food,” Yoochun said. “You look too skinny. You keep forgetting to eat.”
“It’s…hard to make only for one person,” Jae replied softly, shrugging away the pain that lingered in his heart. “I only know how to cook for five. Go on. I’ll see you there.”
It was their rock. A quiet place both of them sought out when the pressures of their world became too much for them and either man needed the peace of water flowing by and the unique silence one brought the other.
Yoochun brushed away the small dried leaves littering the rock’s surface, mourning the lack of time they’d had since they broke from the company. The pair’s trips to their rock were now few and far between and often their conversation was stilted, sharpened by unspoken pain and deeply felt hurt. But in his heart, Yoochun knew Jaejoong would never refuse him.
The sound of a sure-footed man coming through the tangle of bushes reassured Yoochun that he’d been right. His best friend would never turn away from him. No matter what he did to deserve it.
“You bought ddeokbokki? Jaejoong asked, sniffing at the covered Styrofoam dishes Yoochun laid out on the rock.
“With boiled eggs and mandu,” Yoochun replied. Twisting open a bottle, he handed his friend the beer and a pair of chopsticks. “Sit down and eat. You look paler than usual.”
“It’s been… I forget sometimes,” Jaejoong admitted as he took the utensils and beer. Taking a sip at the light brew, he sat down slowly, crossing his legs under him after kicking off his sandals. Chewing, he stared out at the water, watching the reflection of the stars being sliced by the current.
There was something about the smell of water that calmed Jaejoong’s soul and for the first time in a long time he felt the tension ease from his shoulders. The pinch of a headache he nursed soon drifted off and he took another sip of beer, surprised to find it nearly warm.
“Here, give me that one. I’ll put it in the ice chest to cool off.” Yoochun took the bottle from Jaejoong’s fingers and handed him a cold one. “Eat, Joongie-ah. Please.”
The spicy rice cakes were good despite being a bit cold. Taking a bit into a fried dumpling, Jaejoong caught at the juices running out of the edge of his mouth with his fingers, laughing as he leaned over to grab a napkin with a hand already filled with chopsticks. Yoochun came to his rescue, wiping at his friend’s pretty face with a paper towel before the bright red kimchee sauce got on Jae’s worn jeans.
Picking a boiled egg half from the carton, Yoochun sat back and ate the white from around the yolk before slowly chewing the briny yellow centre. Washing his mouthful down with a sip of beer, he studied his best friend as Jae ate. Despite the puffiness under Jae’s eyes, there was something restful coming over his friend and Yoochun guessed it was because of a certain tenor they both knew.
“How are things with Junsu?” Yoochun finally asked. “Have the two of you…” Jae looked up sharply. The tension came back to stiffen his shoulders and Yoochun sighed heavily. “Please, Joongie-ah,” Yoochun pleaded with his friend, a softness to his husky voice. “We’re too… close for this to separate us. Hyung asked for your forgiveness. Can you at least forgive me?”
“I…I don’t blame you.” Jaejoong whispered. The chopsticks clattered noisily into the plastic container, dropped from Jaejoong’s nerveless fingers. “I just have to… get over it. I know that. I’m trying. I’m trying to forgive Yunho. I am. I just can’t… see him right now. I can’t look at him. Not after everything he’s done. Not after everything he’s said.”
“But you can forgive me?” Yoochun pressed.
“I love you, Chun-ah.” Jaejoong’s eyes glittered with tears and the moonlight turned the drops to diamonds on his pale skin as they fell down his cheeks. “I guess I never loved Yunho as much as I thought I loved him. Or maybe… I just wanted to be loved so badly, I was willing to take anything he gave me. Just to make the hurt inside of me go away.”
“Can Junsu…?” Yoochun stroked at his friend’s hair, wishing in the depths of his heart he had the power to take away the pain on Jaejoong’s face. “Is Junsu the one to do that? To ease the darkness inside of you? The darkness even I can’t reach?”
The sky shimmered and Jaejoong blinked to clear the tears in his eyes. He searched his heart, watching the sky turn to a river of light as he lay back on the rock. The nest of anguish lodged in his chest seemed to break and with a sharp inhale, wisped away under the memory of Junsu’s smile. Turning so he could see his friend’s anxious face, Jaejoong smiled and for the first time in years, took a breath unburdened by a broken heart.
“When I am with Junsu, there is no darkness, Chunnie-ah,” Jaejoong whispered softly. “Even the stormiest day is filled with light. He is my sunshine…my moon. He is every star in the sky to me. And I need to tell him that. I need to tell him how much he brings life to my soul.”
The first kiss as lovers happened at Junsu’s door.
Jaejoong’s knuckles smarted from where he rapped on the thick wooden door and Junsu caught him blowing on the tender spot, Jae’s mouth pursed into a moue. The younger man reached for Jaejoong before the pucker could disappear into a bashful smile. Cupping Jae’s fine-boned jaw, Junsu tilted his face up and was met with a fierce kiss.
They wrapped around each other, hands roaming over bodies familiar to the eye but still unknown to the touch. A kick of the door by Junsu’s foot submerged them into a privacy they longed to have, shutting out the outside world’s prying eyes. With their mouths joined tight, the air between them warmed, heating up what little space remained between their bodies.
Junsu grunted when he was pushed against the unyielding foyer wall but the impact only made it easier to hold himself up as he explored Jaejoong with shaking fingers. Junsu’s body ached with need and his cock thickened with the idea of Jae’s hands around his length. He trembled with the thought of the man under his hands would be his… or that Jae would be the first one to ever he’d ever let enter him.
The older man’s body was tightly muscled, a contrast to his own form. Growling deep in his throat, Junsu grew frustrated at the row of buttons on Jae’s shirt. There wasn’t enough space between the fabric and the other man’s skin for Junsu to shove his hands under the hem and he gripped the cotton with both hands.
“This is in the way,” Junsu murmured as he lowered his mouth to Jae’s throat. Biting at the man’s neck, he pulled apart the front of Jae’s dress shirt, sending tiny pearl buttons flying. Sliding his palms over the now bared skin of his lover’s chest, Junsu sighed in contentment as he worried at the bite of skin between his teeth. “Much better.”
“We should…” Jae hissed as Junsu’s fingers explored his chest. The rake of nails across his nipples made him gasp and by the interested sounds coming out of Junsu’s mouth, he knew it wouldn’t be the last time he’d experience that particular pleasure. “We need to talk…about this… about what we’re doing…”
“I’m tired of talking, Joongie-ah.” Junsu looked up at the older man, his eyes nearly black with desire. “If we talk about this, there will never be any doing. I want to do, Joongie-ah, not talk.”
There was a lot to talk about, Jaejoong wanted to argue. Junsu’s inexperience. His inexperience. The doubts he had about what to do with the luscious body writhing under his fingers. Jaejoong took a step back and cupped Junsu’s face in his palms. The other man jerked slightly, surprised at the action but Jaejoong held him still and stared down at the young man who’d stood by Jae’s side for the most difficult years of his life.
Junsu’s face was angelic as his voice, innocent and sweet but his body... Jae was certain it was made for sin. Jaejoong ran a thumb over Junsu’s lower lip, ghosting over the upper swell he often couldn’t look away from. A confidence, deep-rooted with affection, stared back at Jae from the depths of Junsu’s eyes. The young man wanted him. Fully. Whole-heartedly and without reservation. For the first time in Jae’s life, it felt like someone wanted him for who he was…knowing his flaws and loving him despite the cracks in his heart and mind.
It humbled Jae down to the depths of his soul and he wanted to plunge himself deep into Junsu’s love until he died from the sheer pleasure he knew waited there for him.
“All this time,” Jaejoong murmured as he traced Junsu’s pretty mouth. “All this time I’ve been staring at my sorrow reflected back at me from a mirror when I should have looked out of the window at the sun instead. Will you be my sunshine, Susu-ah? Will you bring me the light that I need around me?”