scene slices of So Much Mine that i probably should have written and/or explored. I needed to take a break from what I was doing and well, this is just crack!fic, nothing extraordinary. promise you that. :) i've just been doodling with words.
mild lemon. lime really. hint of citrus
While Yunho denied his feelings for Jaejoong…
Sweat beaded in the curve of Jaejoong’s spine, a drop rolling down past the ripe muscles of his rear, caught finally in the weave of his loose cotton pants. His lungs burned from exertion, each inward breath a stab of heat in the cold of his exhaustion. Although supple and strong, his body’s reserves were leeched clean from his bones, long aches making his thighs tremble. Another dance step fumbled earned him a searing look from Yunho, the leader holding eye contact only long enough for the singer to fully know the extent of Yunho’s disapproval.
Snarling to himself, Jaejoong’s mouth curled around a swearword, held silent on his tongue until it burned the back of his throat. Yunho caught that as well, a slim tight smile on his lean face. Jae cocked his head, pulling his eyes together until they crossed, his face ducked down behind Yoochun’s back.
Another stumble, this time Changmin stepping right instead of left, stepping between Yunho’s spread legs. Both singers went down hard, Changmin’s shin bent at an odd angle under the leader’s thighs. A sharp cry of protest raked out of Min’s throat, his hands barking on the waxed floor. Yoochun grabbed at Yunho’s waistband, hoisting the other man up before his weight rested fully on Changmin’s slender legs. Twisting hard, Yunho landed on both of his hands, straddling Changmin’s waist.
“Thanks, Chunnie-ah.” Changmin breathed a sigh of relief, panting heavily from the tumble. Yunho rested his forehead on the small of Min’s back, the youngest member’s sweat-soaked shirt leaving a moist circle on the leader’s face.
Leaning over to whisper in Yunho’s ear, Jaejoong’s hot breath scorched the leader’s thoughts, his groin thickened with the sound of the singer’s voice. His mouth brushed close to Yunho’s cheek, his erotic murmur only loud enough for the other to hear. “If you had done things right, that would have been me panting under you.”
Straightening, Jaejoong padded off to the locker room, ignoring the blanched look of want on Yunho’s face. The leader swallowed hard, wondering if he’d ever get the hardness out of his body. Changmin glanced over his shoulder at his older friend, clearing his throat. The heaviness along Yunho’s legs pressed on the youngest’s thighs, an insistent push of flesh Changmin couldn’t even begin to deal with.
“Hyung,” Min bit his lower lip, finding Junsu’s twinkling eyes and wide mouth barely containing his exuberant laughter. “If you will excuse me…”
Yoochun pulled Yunho onto his feet, patting at the older singer’s shoulders in sympathy. “It’s okay, hyung. I stumble over Min all the time. His legs are too long.”
Jaejoong didn’t give Yunho a backward glance. Yunho watched him until he couldn’t see the lithe singer any more.
While Jaejoong slept across the hall from the one he wanted…
Yoochun shed his sweat, pulling his bare feet free of the fleece pants. Jaejoong closed the door of their room behind him, a towel tucked tight around his hips. The damp terrycloth clung to each ripple of muscle and curve of in his body, the light from the end table lamp turning the wet towel nearly translucent. Jae rubbed at his wet hair with another towel, tamping the excess water from his head. Catching Yoochun staring, the singer cocked his head.
“What’s the matter?” Jae’s pout turned his angelic face into a sensual landscape, sex poured hot over cool porcelain. “Are you okay?”
“I was just wondering why it’s different when I look at Junsu than when I look at you?” Yoochun stared at his best friend, trying to find any heat in his scrutiny.
The other singer was leaner than Junsu whose face still held the kiss of pubescence along his bones. Their mouths both were promises of liquid heaven, Jaejoong’s pout sensual compared to Junsu’s quixotic smile. Each moved gracefully but Junsu’s more masculine suppleness touched into the depth of want in Yoochun’s belly. Jaejoong’s ease in his own body amazed Yoochun, whose own gangly nature made him very self-conscious of every step he made. Junsu neared that innate comfortable control, the command the young man had on his limbs and torso were beyond Micky’s. He often just watched Junsu practice dance moves in the reflection of the bedroom mirror, the other’s intense focus making him unaware of Yoochun’s perusal.
“That’s because you find something in Junsu that you don’t find in me.” Jaejoong shrugged easily, giving his friend a light smile. “Don’t worry, Chunnie-ah. I’m sure you bother him as much as he bothers you. He just doesn’t know it yet. It’s not like me and Yunho. Junsu doesn’t want to throw up every time you go near him.”
“I just miss having him here.” Yoochun stood, grabbing his towel to take a shower. “The room smells different with you here. It’s not a bad thing…”
“Just wrong?” Jaejoong nodded, tugging the towel off of hips, his lean body clotted with small bruises from the beating he’d taken while working on their choreography. “I know what you mean. I can’t be there in that room with him. Not with him not wanting me.”
“I know, JaeJae.” Chunnie hugged his friend’s naked body, pressing a light kiss on Jaejoong’s mouth.
The delicate taste of Jae brushed on Yoochun’s tongue, a bitter sweetness stark with pain. He’d once did the same to Junsu, unthinkingly giving an casual intimacy similar to one he shared with Jaejoong but the other singer jerked back from the contact, Junsu’s face frozen with intense shock. That look burned Yoochun’s shame into his bones but the peach brush of Junsu’s tongue on his lips resurfaced in his dreams nearly every night. Bumping foreheads, the friends smiled at one another through the wealth of their hair.
Changmin opened the door to the two friends’ bedroom, about to announce to the pair that dinner would be arriving from a restaurant in half an hour. Hastily shutting the door quietly, Changmin leaned against the wall, trying to stop his heart from beating its way out of his chest.
“God,” Changmin breathed, his mind racing. “I have got to get Jaejoong back in his own bed before something bad comes from this.”
While Changmin plotted…
“Hyung, do you suppose that Yoochun and Junsu miss sleeping in the same room?” The youngest member turned over in his bed, resting on his stomach.
Resting his chin on a clenched fist, Changmin contemplated his leader’s face in the dimmed lights of their shared bedroom. He’d piled pillows onto the edge of his bed, working into a cocoon of comfort. Winter raged outside, the world frozen in place. Snow pattered on the window, frost thunder storms burred on the warmer glass. Changmin followed a drop of ice float over the pane, lodging into a outcropping of snow on the corner sill.
“Why do you say that?” Yunho stretched his arms over his head, turning his head to glance at the younger man.
He’d dozed in the quiet company, letting his mind drift through the memories of the day. Jaejoong’s defiant tilt of his chin and the fierce fire burning in the singer’s dark eyes haunted Yunho’s meanderings, along with the edged rage along his spine at the sight of Yoochun’s familiar touching of the mercurial singer. Changmin’s question about Yoochun and Junsu wrapped around a delicate tendril of deliberation surfacing in Yunho’s mind, the barest hint of a verdant spectre hovering through the longing shadows he struggled to avoid.
“I think Su misses Yoochun.” Changmin sounded troubled to Yunho’s ears. “I’d hoped that he would be comfortable in here… with us, of course but there are times when I think he opens his eyes in the morning and is shocked to see us here instead of Yoochun.”
“That might be.” Yunho nodded. Rolling slowly off of his bed, the leader pulled down the thick duvet from his mattress, winding the blanket around his body. Sitting, he bent forward to listen to Changmin, the role of concerned older brother as familiar on his shoulders as the comforter he used to warm himself. “Do you worry about Junsu?”
“I worry that.. he’s not happy.” Changmin worried at his lower lip, dropping his eyes to stare at the rub between their beds. “Do you ever wonder what makes people happy?”
“Sometimes.” Yunho admitted, his face clouding over. “But it doesn’t mean that you can do anything about it, Minnie-ah. People have to find their own happiness.”
Changmin pondered his leader’s words, trying them out in his mind. Having Junsu sleeping in the same room delighted the youngest. His dreams wandered towards the cheerful joyous soul bouncing through his life, charismatic and exuberant. But since coming to sleep under the window, Junsu grew to a shadow of himself, only brightening when Yoochun came into the room. Changmin felt the stabs of pain in his heart when Junsu’s smile stretched to sharp brilliance, a happiness not brought on by the youngest. There was too little happiness in the house, tearing small rents in the tight bonds they forged through their struggles. Sacrifices would have to be made, Changmin told himself, and one of the hardest sacrifices would have to be made by him.
“Do you think that kissing makes people happy? Even if it’s not the person you love?” The young singer pursed his lips, waiting for Yunho’s response.
“That’s something odd to ask.” Yunho’s interested glance held more than a tincture of concern. “What led you there?”
“Because I see Junsu being unhappy here and I think Yoochun is lonely without him.” Changmin swallowed, tossing his tender heart onto the fires, hoping that by giving Junsu back to Yoochun, the two eldest members would find themselves in each other. “I saw Yoochun kissing Jaejoong on the mouth the other day…”
“What?” Yunho slid back, brow furrowed with anger. “When?”
“It was innocent, hyung. I see them kiss one another and it feels like brothers, really.” Changmin slid onto the floor to sit next to Yunho. “I would bet on it. It just made me wonder if kissing anyone would make someone…forget the pain of wanting someone they can’t have. That if a kiss from someone you love in your heart as a brother helps take the agony away from your broken heart.”
“Changmin…” The older man released his hot breath slowly between his teeth, feeling the hiss vibrate on his taut lips. “You should just kiss someone because they are there. Yoochun shouldn’t have… touched Jaejoong that way. It’s not right. Even if Jae’s… wrong for wanting…”
“Does it matter really, who Jaejoong wants?” Changmin led the conversation back to where he first laid the path stones to tread on. “Would Yoochun’s kiss help his heart?”
“Why are you asking this, Changmin?” Yunho’s chest ached, a twisting scissor pang. With his throat closing in around his air, the leader found it difficult to speak, his mind conjuring up images of Yoochun’s mouth on Jaejoong’s birthmark or the young man’s fingers caressing the soft down of hair along Jae’s nape.
“Because I wonder if a kiss would make my own heart stop from hurting.” Saying those words aloud cost Changmin, the secret of his soul bared for the leader to steal. Yunho failed to see the veracity in Changmin’s slender face, lost in his own thoughts.
“You’re a good older brother, hyung.” Changmin whispered, reaching out to touch Yunho’s jaw.
Yunho wasn’t prepared for the touch of Changmin’s mouth on his, a soft press of warmth despite the cold. The youngest canted his head, a delicate boned face with eyes closed against the possibility of rejection. Yunho felt himself allow Changmin’s press, opening his mouth slightly to dab the tip of his tongue against the younger man’s upper teeth, the ridges roughening Yunho’s soft flesh. His sex stirred at the touch, a slight lengthening in response to the brush of lips on his own but as Yunho searched for the betraying fire of Jaejoong’s perversity infecting his body, all Yunho could conjure up was the lack of spice in Changmin’s mouth.
Cupping the younger man’s face between his strong palms, Yunho pulled Changmin in, taking small nips of kisses from the singer’s surprised lips. Laving at the smooth skin of Changmin’s inner lip, Yunho pushed in, trying to devour the demons chewing on his heart. The younger man moaned under the ravaged kiss, his mouth bruising with the continued onslaught. Clenching at Yunho’s shoulders, Changmin gave into the caress, hoping to find some wanton abandon rising inside of him but the ashes of his tears slaked grey rain onto his wishes for Junsu’s attention. In taking the first step to push the elders together, Changmin would be turning away from what he himself wanted.
When Yunho pulled away, Changmin’s breath hitched low in his chest, his body cold under the leader’s touch. None of the thrill in another’s hands reached his belly, nothing of the burning ember stoked hot from Junsu’s smile. Seeing the confusion on his leader’s face, Changmin tried not to smile, pressing his lips tighter together.
“I’m sorry, Changmin. I shouldn’t have…” Yunho whispered, wondering what disease of the mind Jaejoong had given him with the want now burning in his blood. The young man sitting next to him deserved much better treatment than what he’d gotten from Yunho’s hands and mouth. “That didn’t feel right. It wasn’t right of me to…”
“I think we both needed to see if…” Changmin searched for the words he could find to explain the shards of his heart that he now held in his hands. “I think we both wanted… hoped that it was just something our bodies needed and not what our hearts desired. It isn’t a surprise that there isn’t a heat between us, not like you and Jaejoong. I’m more your little brother. He’s… ”
“I don’t want him…not Jaejoong.” Yunho resisted with a shake of his head. “It’s wrong to want… another man that way. That’s not for me.”
“Perhaps it’s not for me either.” Changmin said, touching Yunho’s shoulder. “We tried it and didn’t like it. And no one else has to know. It’s between us. No more apologies, hyung. It was something we both needed to discover…to find out if what we desire is a touch and not the beat of a heart that matches ours.”
Nodding, Yunho struggled to get to his feet, tangling his legs in the duvet. With the burn of Changmin’s mouth on his own, his heart pulsed with the whisper of adultery and betrayal to a love he refused to claim. Changmin lent Yunho a steadying hand, smiling at Yunho’s continued apology, reassuring the elder singer that they both needed to see how they felt and wouldn’t life be easier with the knowing?
Agreeing, Yunho offered to get them tea so they could talk more with warm bellies. Changmin kept his tears back, the glittering pain on his lids razors cutting into his skin. Smiling, the ache of his face straining to conceal his feelings, Changmin let his emotions weep down in the depths of his soul only after Yunho left.
“That kiss was for you, Junnie-ah.” Changmin sniffed, struggling to maintain his composure. “I gave Yunho my first kiss because you are so unhappy here and the elders…they need each other so badly. Please, when this is all over, forgive me for giving away something that should have been yours.”
While Yunho slept on the couch…
Yoochun stretched out onto the bed next to Jaejoong, his hand loosely trailing over his friend’s flat belly. The evening passed slowly, sounds of sports coming from the living room, Junsu and Yunho shouting at the television. Changmin was absent, taking a respite from the noisy apartment in the relative solitude of the tea shop down the street. Jae could make out Yunho’s voice amid the chaos of noise. It was a siren call to his heart, adding a small hitch to the steadiness in his chest.
He’d listened to Yunho talking of sin and temptation, hearing the murmuring words as a litany in the labyrinth of his thoughts. Jaejoong couldn’t see the ache of want as something to be wary of, he’d often threw himself into his passions. Yunho’s touch shivered through his bones, resting there and churning want. A tendril of the young man’s scent drove Jaejoong crazy, his tongue itching to lick the drops of water when Yunho stepped out from the shower. The stars lay in that dewy wash.
Jae took a taste a few days, slithering the tip of his tongue along Yunho’s collarbone and the universe exploded, unfolding into nebular in his senses. Yunho didn’t move, Jaejoong’s tongue laying the moisture flat on his skin. Swallowing hard, his throat bobbing with the effort not to shove his hands in Jaejoong’s hair and smother the breath from the singer’s mouth with his own lips. Tilting his head back, Yunho had prayed under his breath for Jae to either stop or continue, the singer’s breath drying the spot. The world turned cold when Jaejoong stepped away, leaving Yunho with the war in his thoughts and body.
Now in the quiet of the bedroom, Jaejoong felt Yoochun’s hand but the touch brought none of the fire in his belly that the sight of Yunho gave him. Sighing, Jae touched Micky’s hair, lightly scratching at the crown of his friend’s head with his short, blunt fingernails. The other singer purred deep in his throat, a satisfied sound that made Jaejoong laugh.
“Ah, you know how to touch me, Joongie-ah.” Yoochun laughed at Jae’s derisive snort. “Well, you do.”
“But not the way you want to be touched.” Jae teased. “And certainly not the one to do the touching.”
“No.” Yoochun looked up at his friend. “But he’s back in our bedroom again. And that’s better than nearly anything else. Answer me something, Joongie-ah. Do you sit and listen to Yunho breathe? I do sometimes, just lay in the dark and listen to Junsu. Just listening to him sleep. It makes me happy inside. Do you know what I mean?”
“I hide in the hallway, in the dark.” Jaejoong admitted softly, reminiscing on the feel of the cold wall against his spine. “I just sit there, and listen to him turning on the couch, sometimes even snoring. He has these little snores once in a while, just a sweet noise. It makes me sloppy in love with him.”
“You’ve fallen hard, Boo.” Yoochun laughed, hearing the singer’s heart in his words. “I’m falling right next to you. I hope I land as soft as you have.”
“Nothing is soft about love.” Jae shook his head. “It hurts and scrapes you raw, leaving your wounds open and weeping. Then he kisses to make it all better and the world just stops turning, holding you there in that moment. And you never want time to start again.”
While in the stairwell of their building…
Yunho leaned close into Jaejoong, his fingers tangled in the other’s long black hair. Gripping the back of his boyfriend’s neck, the leader bent his head to gain better access to Jaejoong’s mouth, aggressively parting the singer’s lips with a fierce kiss. Reluctant to break free from the embrace, Jae parted his knees, allowing Yunho to snug up against his groin, standing belly to belly.
The green Exit sign burnished the steel and cement staircase with a verdigris tint, soft white recessed lights splashing warm spots over the pair of lovers. A chill hugged the walls, winter seeking the spiral channel, brushing cold over the metal weave steps. Nearly frigid enough to mist their breaths, Jaejoong and Yunho tucked into one another, the leader wrapping the edges of his jacket around the slender singer’s waist. Jae’s fingers edged up Yunho’s back, tracing the strength beneath the stretch of his lover’s skin.
They’d hidden from the world over the past few weeks, secretive glances shared through whispered words. Changmin’s illness slowed the progression of their relationship, slivers of time carved from lengthy days. Jaejoong often dropped from exhaustion onto his bed, too tired to do much other than appreciate the sensual masculinity in Yunho’s form, usually as the other struggled to have enough energy to sit up and remove his shirt. Trips outside were kept short, dashes through icy air to the relative warmth of the van, Yunho’s hand pressed along the small of Jae’s back, getting in the barest touch of the singer into his soul.
“I’ve wanted to do this to you all day.” Jae bit down on Yunho’s throat, marking his jaw line with a purpled kiss.
Yunho growled, tilting his head back, his Adam’s apple working around the dryness Jaejoong’s touch always seemed to invoke. The singer had taken to leaving dots of ownership on his lover’s body. If they would be apart for hours, Jae would leave a stinging evidence of his possession of Yunho, a mirrored dollop of colour that matched the mark on his own throat.
Yunho left his own markers on the singer, more for a reminder of his love than ownership. Yunho felt a small thrill in the chest when others edged up to the oblivious Jaejoong, hoping for the thinnest shred of affection from the singer. Those with keen eyesight spotted the makeup on Jae’s neck or chest, narrowed glances flicking from each member until they finally settled on Yunho’s solemn face. It took all of his discipline not to smile cockily, a smirk hovering just below his features. Jaejoong, feral and free, continued along with his animated talking or shy laughter, never realizing another wanted him.
Jae’s nimble fingers stroked along Yunho’s thigh, barely skimming at the dip under his sex. It was as if the singer knew exactly where Yunho’s length rested, never touching the aching tip just the smooth leg it rested on. Moaning, Yunho pushed Jae into the wall, hoping to stop the wandering fingers before they undid him. Pulsating, his groin let Yunho know the power the other singer had over him, a hardness nearly painful stretching his skin taut.
The leader retaliated, stroking at the pierced skin along Jae’s belly, thrilled at the hissing response from Jaejoong’s sinful mouth. Capturing his lover’s lower lip between his teeth, Yunho nibbled on the pout, suckling at the flesh as he pinched at Jae’s nipple with his other hand. Rolling the nub between his fingers, Yunho inhaled Jaejoong’s erotic groan as it escaped the singer’s lungs, filling the leader’s soul with its want.
“You don’t play fair, Yunnie-ah.” Jae accused, his teeth sharp on the inside of his cheek. His uncontrollable moans echoed in the stairwell, probably carrying down to the open door at the bottom of the apartment building.
“You call what you’re doing to me fair, Boo? You are going to undo me.” Yunho panted, resting his forehead on his lover’s collarbone. It took great effort to pull away when every inch of his sex begged to be buried deep into the promised velvet warmth of the young man that stole his every thought. “They’re going to wonder where we went for Changmin’s soup.”
“We have to get back, Yunnie.” Jaejoong’s hushed whisper echoed in the confines of the stairwell. “It doesn’t take this long to get noodles.”
”You go on.” Yunho sighed, releasing his lover reluctantly. “One of us has to go get soup from downstairs. If I hold onto you any longer, I think Changmin will be an old man before he gets his soup. Just remember one thing, Jaejoong...”
“What?” The street tough was back in the roll of Jae’s hips, the set of his shoulders turned back into the strength of his spine. This was a side of his lover Yunho never tired of seeing, the vibrant fire hidden under the beauty of his snow façade. Mingled with Jaejoong’s innate shyness, each petal of the singer’s chrysanthemum personality held shadows and lights… blooming with unnamed, undiscovered colours when the sun of Jae’s smile struck.
“You’re mine.” Yunho smiled at Jae’s narrowed eyes. “As much as I’m yours.”
“Sometimes.” Jae admitted before turning to leave the stairwell, a laugh in the echoes of his voice. “And sometimes, you are more mine than I’m yours, just because I don’t want to be owned. I just let you think that.”