Pairing: Yoosu (Jaeho)
Section Rating: R
Overall Rating: NC-17
i still hold ranalore responsible for this mess.
Synopsis: A continuation of the relationship between Yoochun and Junsu from So Much Mine. Once again, hot pretty boys, music, dancing and sex. Not necessarily in that order.
One; Two; Three; Four; Five; Six; Seven; Eight; Nine; Ten; Eleven; Twelve
Stars spun behind Jaejoong’s closed eyes, a headache creeping into his temples and digging a knot into the back of his skull. Bending his head forward, he massaged the bridge of his nose, begging the dull pain to leave him alone. A weight settled in behind him, the bed dipping slightly. Hands reached up, burying under his mane of black hair and rubbed gently at the tightness along his scalp.
“Ah...” Jae leaned back, letting the pain wash down his face and out of his body.
The day’s practice sucked nearly all of their energy, their public faces fixed firm as they exited the studio and directly into one of the many interviews they’d been scheduled for. With barely enough time to eat, Jaejoong picked through the lunch offerings, nothing packed into the boxes agreeing with his stomach. Shaking off the nausea from lack of sleep, Jae nodded off in the van ride back, curled into a ball on the rear seat. Yunho reached for his lover, any overt comforting forestalled as they approached another location, a sea of red balloons forming a wall against their personal lives.
He’d finally been able to collapse on the bed he shared with Yunho, a sea of pillows to float on while the pressing migraine ebbed back into nothingness. His empty belly roiled at Yunho’s mention of food and Yoochun’s suggestion for a soothing tea was met with an equally fierce grumbling snarl, Jaejoong shoving his aching head under a soft pillow and ordering the others to leave him alone.
“Let me put some Tiger Balm on your temples, hyung.” Changmin’s soft entreaty was a shock to Jae. They’d not spoken in the days since their argument, their interactions civil but scarcely the warm teasing relationship they enjoyed. “Please, Joongie-ah. Let me help you.”
Jae lay back on his stomach, his head to the side where he could see Changmin through the curtain of his hair, his eyes slitted and wary. Splayed over the bed, the singer’s paleness startled Changmin, Jaejoong’s hair vividly ebony in contrast to his face. Evidence of the headache ran lines between Jaejoong’s brow, the weariness of their day plumping the skin under his worn gaze.
Yunho had cautioned him that the weeks were wearing on the singer, his body delicately shaped by the years of scrambling for food. Changmin always assumed genetics made Jaejoong slighter in body than the rest of them until Yunho’s off-hand remark to something Junsu said reminded them all of Jaejoong’s probable malnutrition, the exotic featured singer made leaner for lack of food during the formative years he’d needed it the most.
The scent of chamomile and cloves relaxed Jaejoong’s tension. He’d refused Yunho’s offer of aspirin, his stomach already too sickly to ingest chemicals but he regretted passing on the medication as the ache spread further down his neck. His eyes drifted closed as Changmin’s hands worked carefully over his scalp, easing the pain from his head.
“I...needed to say that I’m sorry, hyung.” Min whispered, his voice low. “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have... said those things to you. Even if I was angry...what I said was, unforgivable.”
Jaejoong turned over, grabbing at Changmin’s hands before the younger man pulled away. Bruises ran dark in the singer’s eyes, the stress of their lives tearing at the edges of his patched together soul. Hooking one of his hands around Min’s waist, Jaejoong pulled the youngest down next to him, Changmin’s chin resting on Jaejoong’s shoulder.
“There’s nothing to forgive, Minnie-ah.” Jaejoong said, breaking the heavy silence that hung down between them. “I pushed too hard and didn’t... let you have the time to make your own mistakes. I did do what my father did...in a way... I just didn’t you to get hurt.”
“I know.” Min nodded, his eyes run hot with the threat of tears. “It’s been a rough few days without you. I don’t want to... it was hard not to be able to touch you or talk to you. I should have said I was sorry...right away.”
“I think both of us were too angry to speak clearly.” Jae admitted. “I can be stubborn when I’m hurt.”
“You can be stubborn a lot of times.” Min laughed, a soft chuckle from his throat. “So can I, hyung. The members are book-ended with stubborn, willful children. I’m surprised they haven’t locked us up and made us promise to behave.”
“That would be fair to Junsu or Yoochun.” Jae made a face. “Yunho can be... grumpy sometimes.”
“You tease him out of it.” Changmin murmured, snuggling into the warmth of his elder. Sighing, he pressed his fingers up onto Jaejoong’s cheekbones, working the last of the balm into the tender tissues swollen from stress. Jae’s eyes blinked at the strength of the menthol, mutely suffering the sting in exchange for the ebbing of his headache.
“I need to ask you something, Jaejoong.” Min tucked his elbows in, resting his head on the pillows near Jae’s head. “Something serious and I don’t want you to lie to me. I am tired of being told half-truths because I need to be taken care of.”
“If I can.” Jae admitted. “But if something’s not my secret to tell...”
“I don’t want you to betray a confidence.” Changmin shook his head. “But I think I need to ask you anyway or at least tell me that I’m crazy.”
“I can tell you that you’re crazy.” Jaejoong gave the youngest a watery smile, sleep creeping into his relaxed body. “I can tell you that even before you ask your questions.”
“I’m serious, hyung.” The younger man exhaled in exasperation. “I need to know if Junsu is in love with Yoochun. I see how he looks at Chunnie and...”
“Ah...” Jae tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling. “Minnie-ah...”
He’d felt the hiding of Junsu’s and Yoochun’s relationship was a bad idea after all, the ever perceptive Changmin lurking always at the edges of their burgeoning relationship. Jaejoong saw the direction of their courtship alter after Junsu came down with his illness, Yoochun hovering at the other’s side, ensuring their tenor rested and had liquids. A special trip by Yoochun to a cross-town apothecary produced an anise-sugar preserved lemon peel, the sweet tart treat pressed flat and added to a strong black tea. Junsu had fallen in love with the taste of the spiced sugary rind, a sliver of the treat often tucked into a bag somewhere on his person.
“You know, because you reacted like that, I already have my answer.” Changmin’s face fell, his mouth tight with the suppression of pain. He’d badly wanted Junsu’s attentions, the playful flirt a warm presence in his life. The idea of Yoochun sharing the tenor’s mouth left a foul taste in Min’s soul, a fleck of jealousy stoked into a lingering ember that burned at his gut.
Changmin was ill-prepared for the choking hurt bubbling up from his chest, a sourness carried by the ashen wind of his breaking heart. Bending his head, he pulled slightly away from Jaejoong but he soon found the singer was stronger than he anticipated. Held fast by the eldest’s embrace, Changmin allowed himself to be drawn in further, the singer rocking Min as he cried hot, fast tears made hard by a creeping loneliness.
“I hate losing, hyung.” Changmin sniffed, his body nearly depleted after a few minutes of near sobbing. He couldn’t quite break loose the ache inside of him, a wrapped tight skein of anger mingled with loss. “God, I hate it.”
“You’re one of the few people who gives it to me.” Changmin sniffed again, rubbing his face clear with the end of his sleeve pulled up over his fist.
“I don’t really think you’re in love with Junsu.” Jaejoong said, wiping at the trail of water from Changmin’s right eye. “If you were, you would have gone to him and said something. You would have asked him about Yoochun instead of ignoring Chunnie-ah and pretending that nothing was between them when you kissed Junnie-ah. And you wouldn’t have come to me to ask something I think you already knew.”
“It hurts... hyung.” The shattering of his fragile love ached, ripping long shreds from Changmin’s heart. What lay beyond ran raw in the fresh air, exposed and naked to the whispering doubts he had hidden there. “I just wanted... not to be alone.”
“Minnie-ah, everyone is alone.” Jaejoong nodded, making a face at the youngest. “Sometimes we are alone together.”
“You and hyung are...” Min sniffed, searching for the word he knew would describe the relationship between the two eldest members. “You mesh together.”
“Sometimes... our hearts are always together as are our souls but not always our minds.” The singer admitted slowly. “We fight, dongsaeng. You’ve seen us fight. And there are times we can’t speak for the love holding us tight but that doesn’t mean we aren’t alone sometimes. It means that you know what lonely means when you can’t touch ... or can’t speak to the person who you hold in your soul. Being in love teaches you what lonely really is.”
“So it hurts then, being in love.” Changmin tilted his head to the side, looking for answers in the elder’s eyes. At Jaejoong’s tentative nod, Min’s frown flattened, his anger pressed into the tightness of his lips. “Good. Then I hope Junsu is very much in love with Yoochun so he’ll hurt as much as I do right now.”
“Ah, Min.” Jaejoong was hard-pressed not to laugh at the youngest’s petulance. “That’s not a good thing to wish on someone.”
“Right now, even if it’s not true... I want him to hurt.” Changmin whispered. “Because he... didn’t see me, hyung. Not even for a little while.”
“Someone will see you, Changmin.” Jaejoong kissed the younger man on the mouth, tasting the innocence hidden behind the other’s maturity. “When that someone does, you’ll know it. He’ll take up your every thought and probably piss you off more than anyone else can. That’s how I knew for sure I was in love with Yunho. I’ve never wanted to murder someone so much in my entire life.”
“Yoochun.” Junsu slid his hand onto his friend’s shoulder, resting his chin on his fingers. “I spend so much of my time looking for you.”
Micky turned from staring out at the city, lost in his own thoughts, his elbows firm on the balcony railing and his fingers cradling a forgotten Djarum. It was not quite dark but the lights around the building were beginning to come up, fallen flat stars held trapped by cement and steel structures. Bumping shoulders with Yoochun, Junsu pulled a small grin from Micky, transforming his sensual masculinity to the goofy tenderness that thrilled even the darkest corners of Junsu’s heart.
“I just needed to get some air...or well...” Yoochun motioned with the cloves. “Or at least think about air. What’s up?”
“I was thinking, since we do have tomorrow off and I’m much better...” Junsu crept into Yoochun’s embrace, slyly slinking under the other’s arm.
Cradled in the crook of Yoochun’s arm, his back supported by the railing, Junsu slid his slightly chilled hands under Micky’s shirt, hoping the other’s warmth would leech into his palms. Micky winced at the cold touch but didn’t protest, dropping the half-done Djarum into a sand-filled coffee can and working his other arm around the tenor’s waist.
“We might want to spend some time... doing something tonight.” Junsu continued. “Maybe a movie? Or getting some dinner?”
“Is this counting as our first date?” Yoochun asked. They’d bantered about the idea, forestalled mostly by their filled days and even fuller nights.
“Yes.” Junsu nodded firmly. “I think it should. We can maybe... just do something casual. Or do you want a huge dinner thing? A good restaurant?”
“How exactly is this going to work, Junnie-ah?” Micky leaned into the other man, his parted legs bringing his hips into contact with Junsu’s, their stomachs rubbing as they stood together. Yoochun felt the bump of Junsu’s desire, a hardening coil echoing his own. He vowed not to move, but the prolonged contact merely made staying still a hard agony, a pulling string of tingles running along his sex. “We go out and then come home, strip naked, kiss each other good night and then sleep in our own beds?”
“We can stop and make out someplace.” Junsu let his fingers trail up Yoochun’s sides, finding the ridge of his ribcage and tracing the lines of bones there. “Maybe take a ride up to skyline and sit watching the stars.”
“Then come home, strip naked and fall asleep.” Yoochun quirked his mouth to the side. “Maybe we should go out and buy matching pajamas... or move our beds across the room? It’ll make it harder to reach one another.”
“Why can’t you just let things... happen?” Junsu frowned. His seduction plan was proving to have serious holes in it, poked by Yoochun’s inquisitive mind. “We don’t need to... plot everything out, do we? I can’t worry about rushing things or holding them back. That’s too... much pressure.”
“No, Junnie, we don’t need to plot everything out.” Yoochun agreed, a twinkle in his dark eyes. “We should set... a time limit on our... chastity. Neither one of us has done this... with another man. We’ll have to figure some things out.”
“You are possibly the most unromantic person I have ever met.” The tenor complained. “What is there to figure out? We go out, we kiss.. maybe grope a little bit and then either come home and fall asleep dead or maybe grope some more. You’re driving me crazy. Want you, Junsu...don’t want you, Junsu. I don’t have a time schedule... I’m not a train, Chunnie.”
“Neither am I. But see, I can’t even hold you without parts of me getting hard and other parts getting soft. My body can’t even figure out what to do where and my brain is saying... to hell with it, do it all.” The baritone’s hips moved again, his deep voice rumbling down into Junsu’s belly as he spoke. “Because I am beginning to think that you’re taking too much control over the... us... that we’re trying to make happen. And I think I want a say in something. I don’t want to have to figure out which one of us is the train and which one is the station. I think we might need to be both. Try both... sides of things. That’s what I want, Junsu.”
Junsu cocked his head, his brow furrowed tight as he worked through Yoochun’s analogy. “What? Are you asking... what?”
“Do you think that I’m always going to be... the one on the bottom of this? Are you?” Yoochun smiled, pleasant and placid. “That’s something I’ve wondered about, Junnie. We both...want but what do we want? Are you willing to open for me? To sate my needs...as much as I’m willing to pleasure yours? Are you willing to... take me... like I want to take you?”
“I...” Junsu stammered. Many of his musings on Yoochun’s body included its warmth pulled tight around him, the soft moistness drawing out his panting releases. The baritone’s seductive motions brought their hips closer, brushing into an erotic circling motion. He felt the spasm of his sex between his legs, an all too familiar sensation riding through his stomach muscles. “Chun... I... don’t... I haven’t thought that far ahead. Not really. I mean, in some ways, yes. But it’s... not... real yet.”
“See, I do want you, Junsu.” The young man took the time to suckle on Junsu’s lip, pulling at its rounded edge with a delicate nip of his teeth. “And as I think about it, I find I want... to know all of this...all of us. You had a condition that we aren’t... going to constrain ourselves to just each other. I think I need to ask that we... experience both sides of this relationship. Both top and bottom of it.”
“Think about that, Junnie-ah. I know you want to hold me... inside of your soul. But will you hold me inside of your body too? Because I will hold you there.” Yoochun released the speechless Junsu, stealing another kiss from the tenor’s parted lips. “I’ll go change my jeans...and probably underwear because being near you makes me... realize how little control I have over my body.”
“You figure out where dinner will be and if you want to continue with this... thing that we’ve half-started. We have to be equals in this, Junnie. Fully equal.” Yoochun walked a few steps backwards, standing by the open glass door leading back into the living room, never breaking his connection with the tenor’s gaze. “If you don’t want to do equal, then we’ll go have dinner, come home, strip naked and go to bed like we always do. Then tomorrow, I’ll start trying to get over you because being in love with you is making me crazy and I need the crazy to go away.”