Section Rating: PG-13
Overall Rating: NC-17
Summary: Hot Korean boys. A seduction. An alluring. A temptation. And Min's self-discovery.
Related Fics: So Much Mine and Lavender Bunny. Links go to PDFs. Other related fics can be found at my LJ: wedspawn
The first of the Four Noble Truths spoke of an awareness of suffering. Every phase of life and living brought suffering. The way Changmin felt at the moment, he would be a Buddha by the coming dawn.
Every single cell of his body hurt, down to the hair around his belly button. Slumped down on the couch in the living room, Min stared at the kitchen entrance, wondering who moved it so far away. His aching legs resented the distance. His growling stomach resented his legs.
Tokyo’s moon was somewhere beyond the wall of lights and rain outside of the slender pane of glass that ran from the ceiling to nearly the floor. Changmin often strained to see the night sky, looking for a hint of black amid the wash of brilliance but the city was too flamboyant in her dress. There was very little quiet in the skies, especially in the evening when the Japanese seemed desperate to cram as much living into every second. It made for a very hectic noise in his life.
Min shook his head, working his fingers through the tangle of his hair. The tight braids done over his scalp pulled the skin too taut, and he’d nearly cried with relief when the stylist undid the cornrows. The Gods were sure to show him what suffering truly was, starting with the removal of his skin from the top on down. Changmin was fairly certain the braids were a divine sign for him to stop whining and push forward.
After all, pushing forward is what was expected of him.
There had been moments when he thought he would collapse, beaten down by the schedule or the rigors of their routines. Min battled for his health, taking care to eat and to sleep when he could. The drawn, paleness of Jaejoong’s face often was enough of a warning sign for him. In recent days, he tried to shed the sullen selfishness he knew he harboured in his personality, often placing food directly in front of his older/youngest brother to implore Jae to take care of himself.
A healthy Jaejoong, curiously exotic and talkative, would become the spotlight again and their group would be balanced again. It was only natural, Min reminded himself, for all of Junsu’s talk of charisma, it was their Joongie that drew the eye or the ear. The fans here encouraged the intimacies of the group, and Changmin once again became aware of his place as Go, the fifth member offsetting an ill-omened number.
Rubbing at his scalp, Changmin listened to the silence in the house. The others hadn’t yet come back from the show. They’d be late, he told himself. If he saw them before morning it would be a surprise. Ordering his legs to hold his own weight, he stood, nearly losing his balance as his thigh muscles gave out under him. Steadying himself with a hand on the back of the couch, Min shuffled towards the kitchen, too tired and hungry at the moment to care about much of anything other than sleep and food.
The ice box held nothing that interested him and the pantry offered little more than dehydrated noodles and canned vegetables. Tossing a handful of somen into a pot of boiling water, Min used another saucepan to make a dashi broth, mincing slightly wilted green onions to throw into the soup. Scrambling an egg, he let the heat cook the strands as he dribbled the mixture into the heated broth. Tossing the rinsed noodles into a wide mouthed bowl, Changmin poured the soup over the somen then carefully carried his steaming food to the living room.
Falling into the sofa’s soft cushions, Min sighed at the weight of his fatigue in his bones. The show went well. Or at least he thought it did. Yunho probably had other ideas but as far as Changmin was concerned, he held up his end of the performance. The warm broth would go a long way in soothing his aching vocal cords, and quell the roaring beast in his stomach.
Dipping a spoon into the broth, Min brought the fragrant soup to his lips, closing his eyes and murmuring in pleasure at the heat. The quiet of the house let him eat slowly and in peace, no rush to be somewhere other than the soft feather-top mattress in his room. Chewing on a mouthful of noodles, he heard his phone chime and ignored it, wanting to be left alone for the moment.
Adulthood wasn’t everything he hoped for. He still was fighting with a growling jealousy in his heart. Not towards any of the members. He’d long forgiven Yoochun for stealing Junsu’s heart and had begged forgiveness from Jae for the harsh, hurtful words he’d flung at the older singer. Their relationships had settled after the seething time of adjustment and things between the five were flowing evenly and happily.
“Then why is there an ache in my soul?” Changmin asked the empty room.
He was tired of being alone.
Pushing the noodles away, the young man raised his arms over his head and stretched out his back, hearing the pop of her spine as his muscles gave way under the motion.
Watching the four become twos hurt. Not for lack of love from one of them but rather just the lack itself. The enormity of that realization hit Min hard. He was still too untried for his liking, no longer innocent in the ways of the world but with a burning desire to plunge headlong into life.
He’d always been one for knowledge, Min smiled as he dumped the remaining noodles into the disposal.
Min knew his lust for learning served him well. He used it to push himself into the limelight to become a part of the group. And again when he needed to alter his image, the cute and innocent persona deftly stolen by Junsu, Min worked to become the scholar, the too serious one with an occasional smile coaxed from one of the older singers.
When they’d first been told of the move to Japan, Changmin first thought of the waste of his scholastic endeavors, cursing that the university he worked so hard to get into had to fall to the wayside for his career. Relegated to the back of the group with a increasing attention given to a coyly placed and popular YunJae, Min searched for a way to become relevant, coming back again to his propensity for learning quickly.
He was the first among his group to gain fluency, diving headlong into words to explore their meanings. Jae followed along behind him. At first, Min wasn’t sure if the older singer was a savvy manipulator or there was just something inside of the mercurial young man’s brain that sparked alive when Jae needed something.
After spending years with Kim Jaejoong, Min discovered Jae worked hard at things in his own way, delving into social situations Changmin would never had dared. Jae would be the first one to ask someone on the street for directions, clarifying each word with a shy smile and a dab of his tongue along his lips. Sensual and erotic, Jaejoong was a study for Changmin who struggled with presenting a more aloof image.
Aloof and goofy seemed to work for Jaejoong. The juxtaposition of the two concepts boggled Changmin’s mind. The mystery of its success made it a puzzle worth studying.
He could do mysterious. Min knew he leaned towards being quiet and he used that to his advantage, sitting back to watch the others as they gamboled through interviews and drove themselves to exhaustion during rehearsals. Relaxing among the members was easy. Alone with the five gave him comfort and security. He would need both during their time in Japan.
Despite his assertion that he was an adult, Min was still a young man that was much too far away from home. The members gave him the feeling of family. He came to rely on that feeling. It was the only sense of anchor he had at the moment.
His phone demanded his attention again, chirruping loudly. Thinking it was one of the hyungs, Changmin picked it up, answering in a low drawl, teasing out the salutation.
“You were good tonight.”
It was a sultry purr. Min could hear the swagger in the man’s voice. Hell, his groin felt it as well.
“You saw us.”
“I saw you.”
Electricity poured into Min’s body, setting him on edge. Turning the phone away from his mouth so the other man wouldn’t hear him pant, Changmin took a deep breath before answering.
“How did you see us? It wasn’t televised.” Min licked at his parched lips, swallowing hard at the dryness in his throat.
“There was a live feed over here.” Another purr and the sound of a sip, the other man’s sigh of satisfaction from his drink. “I had to chase everyone out of the room so I could watch you by myself.”
Trailing a finger over his aching thigh muscle, Changmin struggled to keep his voice calm. “I’m not exactly the most charismatic on the stage. The others must have kept you much more entertained.”
“Ah, Minku,” The drawl caught on a dark hitch, erotic and thrilling. “You have no idea how entertaining watching you can be.”
“I don’t know what that word is.” The unfamiliar Japanese sounded like an endearment but knowing the other’s contrary nature, it could very well be something mocking. “Minku.”
“You’re saying it wrong.” The other man said it again, purring it out slowly. “The ‘ku’ should leave your mouth like you’re waiting for a kiss. And if I was there, I’d be glad to show that very delicious mouth of yours how to say it, Minku.”
“Why are you doing this?” Min blurted out.
“Doing what, pretty?” Changmin heard another sip, a quenching from across the ocean.
“Call me here and… saying the things you are saying.” The young man replied. “I don’t know why continue to tease me.”
“Teasing you? Or watching you gyrate on the screen? Did you know that with the right electronics you can slow a live feed or even stop it on a spot that is really interesting?” Listening to Min’s shallow breathing, the man continued. “I spent a lot of my time with the remote on slow. And my hand, well… let’s just say that it was no where near that remote. I had better things to wrap my fingers around.”
“You’re insane.” Min found his voice, stumbling over his words. His mind was nearly white with the images of the other man’s hands roaming over a hard body. Reaching for the glass of water on the coffee table, Min took a tentative sip, almost choking when the other man let out a soft moan when he heard Changmin swallow.
The phone shook in Min’s hand when the other spoke. “You have no idea how much I want to be whatever it is that you’re drinking.”
“Now I know you’re insane.” Changmin replied, keeping his voice light. “So you called just to tell me you watched our show?”
“I called to tell you I watched you.” A heavy sigh rattled the other’s voice. “I wanted you to know that.”
“Thanks.” Min said. “I guess.”
He could do mysterious. Of course he could, Changmin reassured himself. He was doing mysterious now. He was being aloof.
Then why, the child in him mocked, did he feel like every nerve in his body was on fire and that he was about to jump into an endless abyss filled with more suffering than he could bear?
Because, the rational part of his brain responded, the man he spoke to was far more dangerous than anything or anyone he’d ever dealt with before. It was good to be cautious about falling for the sensual darkness the other promised. His heart was too young to be broken.
Bullshit, his body responded. Once again, his basest desires overruled any further discussion. It all came down to the carnal. No matter how enlightened he might want to be, his body always responded with what was a final argument.
What the hell are we waiting for?
Changmin had no answer for his body’s prodding and his mind had gone strangely silent, as if protesting being vetoed by his flesh.
“You still there, Minku?” The other asked softly, hearing the young singer’s breath catch. “There you are. I was wondering if you fell asleep on me. Not that you falling asleep on me would be a bad thing. I’d just prefer you doing that with me underneath you and not thousands of miles away.”
“We’re only a little over 700 miles apart. Not thousands.”
“It seems like we’re thousands of miles away when all I’m left with to stare at is a television screen frozen with your half-naked body on it.”
Changmin’s soft intake of air brought ice into his lungs and Min could swear he heard the other smile through the phone line. His breath was nearly steady when the man purred with a silky nonchalance that unnerved Min to his core.
“When you dance and lift your arms, there was a slice of your skin peeking out from under your shirt.” The other man inhaled, the familiar sound of a cigarette being lit and a drag being taken from its end. “The first time it happened, that’s when I had to chase everyone out of the room.”
“The second time it happened,” The silk became velvet, a rough lick of a tongue on Changmin’s fraught nerves. “I had to stop the frame and…”
He let his voice trail off, hoping the younger man would follow the thought. “Do you know how long it took me before I could breathe again, Minku? Before I could even trust myself to walk again?”
“No.” Min whispered, not trusting himself to speak. A rush of heat enflamed Changmin’s face, his nipples hardening beneath the thin cotton shirt he’d pulled on once he got home.
“They should make you lift your arms more often, Minku.” The man said. “Or better yet, I could lift them for you. The television screen doesn’t taste as well as I imagine you taste. Do you taste good, Minku?”
“I don’t know.” Min’s voice lowered, a rolling husky sound in the other man’s ears. “I can’t…you…”
“I sit here sometimes and think about how you taste. Especially after tonight.”
“To me you look like you could taste like unsipped sin.” The other said, not giving Changmin’s brain time to recover before it was thrown into a maelstrom of unbidden sexy thoughts. “I want to teach you how to sin, Minku.”
“I know about sin.” Min replied hotly. He wouldn’t admit to being too innocent, especially not to the man on the other side of the phone.
“You think you know because you read and watch.” The other man sounded amused, low laughter turning his tone into an erotic splash. “But you won’t know sin and temptation until you have someone to teach you. Someone who knows what sin feels like. Someone who knows how to draw out temptation until you can’t think.”
“And I’m the one to teach you those things, Minku.” Another purr and the hint of a kiss at the end of the unfamiliar word. “You should learn about how hoarse your voice can get from screaming with pleasure, not just from singing. Your body should hurt in places that even your dancing can’t touch. There are parts of you that should throb, parts that are deep inside of you that I would take my time exploring.”
“You need to be taught those things, pretty.” The other man said. “You should learn those things underneath me, Minku.”
“I need.. to go to bed.” Changmin needed to sleep. Fatigue bored down into his limbs and sand crusted over his eyelids but he knew he would end up staring up at the ceiling, his hands moving over his bare stomach and thinking about the other’s fingers and mouth on him.
“You run off then, Min-min.” The other laughed. “Think of me before you go to sleep. Dream of me when you finally do get to sleep because I’ll be thinking of you. I’ll be thinking of wanting you. Of having you.”
“I’m not running off.” Changmin refuted. “I just need…time to think.”
“I’ll give you that time, Minku.” The other whispered, hot and wet in Min’s ear. “But not too long. Japan, as you say, isn’t that far away. And I don’t want to let anyone else sip at the sin that you have hidden under that placid, quiet mask of yours.”
“Good night, Min-ah.” He took another hit off of his cigarette, a rushing sound loud in Min’s ear. “I hope your dreams of me keep you awake for a very long time.”
“Good night, Dong-wook.” Closing his phone, Min sighed, his parting words unheard through the broken connection. “And I want to sin with you. I just don’t want to lose myself doing so.”