Pairing: Min/Other (some jaeho and yoosu along the way)
Section Rating: R
Overall Rating: NC-17
Summary: Hot Korean boys. A seduction. An alluring. A temptation. And Min's self-discovery.
Sections: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Se7en, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven (Lemon), Twelve; Thirteen; Fourteen; Fifteen, Sixteen; Se7enteen; Eighteen; Minteen
Related Fics: So Much Mine and Lavender Bunny. Links go to PDFs. Other related fics can be found at my LJ: wedspawn
“It’s been nearly two weeks, Susu.” Changmin groused, standing under the edge of the balcony’s awning.
Tokyo’s weather turned once more, the spring sunshine turning rancid and a heavy icy rain fell around them. Dry under the covering, Min slouched in one of the plastic lawn chairs they’d brought up on the freight elevator, hoping to recreate some of the atmosphere they’d had on the roof of their Seoul apartment. So far, they’d succeeded marginally, usually only going outside during one of the city’s sunnier days.
He’d been fraught with worry after leaving Se7en’s apartment. That worry soon turned to grumpiness when a few days later he’d gotten a voice mail from the older man telling Min he’d be in Hong Kong for a couple of weeks. There was nothing affectionate in the message, not even the nickname Min had come to expect to hear from Se7en.
Min was about to leave grumpy and move to pissed off.
“He left you the message.” Junsu commented, taking a sip of his tea. It scorched his tongue, leaving a burred feeling behind. “That’s more than I would have given you.”
“Thanks.” Min grimaced at his friend, wrinkling his nose. “It’s good to know you’re a dear friend who loves me.”
“I do love you.” The tenor shrugged, blowing on his tea. “But I would have punched you. Or something.”
“Where do you think he is?” Min hunkered down against the chair, putting his feet up on an overturned planter. The young man’s long legs ached, the rigors of practice coupled with his new found interest in long walks, driving himself to exhaustion so he didn’t stay up late at night waiting for his phone to ring.
His phone never rang.
“He’s in Hong Kong.” Another tentative sip proved too hot as well and Junsu hissed air over his tongue, hoping to ease the burn. “Don’t you think he would have called you if he’d come home.”
“I’m not so sure Japan is home anymore.” Min bit at his lower lip.
He was going to refuse to cry. He’d cried enough in the sanctuary of his own room. He’d not do it in front of Junsu. The other man would never let him forget it.
Damn it, Min thought, wiping at his face. Damn him for leaving and not letting me talk to him.
“Do you want to be alone?” Junsu snuck a peek at his friend, seeing the trail of a tear crossing over Min’s cheek and down his face.
“No.” Changmin sniffed, trying to clear his mind of Se7en. It was proving harder than it sounded.
He saw reminders Se7en in places he never thought to look for him, often seeing something and reminding himself to bring it up when the older man called. But the call hadn’t come yet. And Min’s heart ached to hear the other’s voice.
He slept at night with the kitsune, holding it under his chin. Min hated himself for that weakness and he wanted to put it aside but every time he pulled it from its place on the night stand and tucked it under his hand before going to bed. If he couldn’t hear Se7en’s voice then he would at least hold onto a memory of the other man’s laughter.
“God, I hate him.” The youngest muttered, wishing for anything to wipe his thoughts.
“Really?” Junsu was finally able to sip at his tea without scalding his mouth. “It sounds like you miss him.”
“I do.” Changmin grumbled. “And I hate him for it.”
Dong-Wook unlocked the front door of his apartment, slinging the duffel bag from his shoulder onto the floor. The trip to Hong Kong had been rough, photos and then interviews, all stacked on top of one another until he no longer knew what day it was. His entire body ached from the flight and the promise of being able to sleep in his own bed nearly made him weep with joy.
The fact that his bed was empty of Changmin merely made him weep.
Despite the heavy downpour outside, the apartment was well lit. Too well lit, in fact; thought Se7en as he noticed the overhead track lights were on. Sighing at leaving them that way for half a month, he decided he didn’t care, heading into the kitchen for a beer.
Then he spotted TVfXQ’s leader stretched out on the couch, reading from a stack of magazines he’d left on the coffee table and his blood went cold.
“How the fuck did you get in here?” Se7en came around the counter, spotting the keychain he’d given Min laying on the table. “Did he tell you to bring that back?”
Yunho looked up, casually closing the periodical as if he had every right to squat in Dong-Wook’s home, his head canted back with a cockiness Se7en wanted to wipe clean off.
“Nope.” The younger man hooked an arm over the back of the couch. “He doesn’t know I’m here.”
“Did you sit in here every day until I came home or do I have to kill someone for giving you my flight plans?”
“I’d think you’d be much happier if you would shut up and let me talk.” Yunho stood, brushing off the front of his jeans. Shoulder to shoulder, Yunho was slighter in body but Se7en didn’t let that fool him. The other singer was a terror and stronger than he looked.
“You break into my house and you expect me to stand here to listen to you?” Se7en snorted. “Get out.”
“Jaejoong suggested that I apologize.” Stepping closer to Se7en, Yunho laughed. “He told me you were coming in today and I should head over here to work things out with you.”
“You always do what the wife tells you to do?”
Once again, Se7en cursed his own mouth. Yunho’s reaction was a controlled flicker of violence across of a stone-cold face. Then a reptilian smile chilled his features even more.
“Call him my wife again,” Yunho stepped forward, nearly touching Se7en’s chest with his own. “And I’ll break every damned bone in your body. I’m not going to listen to you talk shit about Joongie.”
“You’re right,” Se7en ignored Yunho’s threatening posture. Holding up his hands, Se7en offered a tacit surrender. “Jaejoong did come back to patch me up. You’re the asshole. I shouldn’t have said anything bad about him. Say what you have to say and leave. I’m tired and I need a shower.”
“You should have called Min while you were gone.” Pursing his mouth, Yunho watched Se7en’s face close up tight. The mere mention of the youngest member of the group set off a nerve. “Did you mean what you said about him?”
“That he’s a son of a bitch who shouldn’t just take off because things get too tough?” Se7en nodded. “Yeah, I meant that. And you’re here for an apology. Not to talk about my relationship with Changmin.”
“There shouldn’t be a relationship.” Yunho commented sourly. Se7en had stepped away, clearly dismissing Yunho as he turned around to retrieve a beer from the fridge.
“I don’t know why you think you can tell Minku what he can’t and can do.” The singer popped open his bottle and collapsed onto the wide chair next to the couch, taking a deep swig before running the sweating glass over his face. He had a headache and wasn’t prepared to do any sparring, verbal or other wise, with TVfXQ’s leader. “He’s not a little boy, Yunho.”
“He’s too young for you.”
“God, you really don’t know him well, do you?” Se7en leaned forward, drops of water glistening on his jaw and cheek. “Minku isn’t a baby. He’s never been a child and he’s certainly much more of an adult in his mind than you’ll ever be. You posture about being the leader and you probably are a good one but you sound like an old man, Yunho. An old man that’s stuck in what he sees is right and doesn’t grow.”
“I’m surprised you’re with Jaejoong. Fucking a guy just seems beyond you sometimes.” Se7en inwardly winced. He would later blame his loose tongue on his fatigue. He hoped he wouldn’t have to blame his loose teeth on the fist Yunho had clenched at his side.
“Jae said you were nasty when you were pissed.” The other man shook his head, his mouth a twist of sardonic humour.
“Do you let anyone tell you how to love Jaejoong?” Se7en asked softly. Looking at the younger man’s face flow from anger to a gentle tenderness, Se7en knew the answer before Yunho could even open his mouth. “Yeah, I thought not.
“I’m going to say this once. And not because it’s any of your business but because Min loves you and for some reason, thinks highly of you.” He set the bottle down. Needing to gather his thoughts, Se7en rested his elbows on his knees, contemplating his words. Yunho paced off the couch then sat, watching the rain hit the long windows.
“Changmin is first and foremost, my friend. Just like Jaejoong is yours.” Se7en held up his hand to stop Yunho from speaking. “Let me finish before you start harassing me.”
“Loving him is new to me. I’ve not loved someone before. Yeah, I’ve liked women and men enough to want them around me for a few months but not like this.” Dong-Wook pursed his lips then smiled at the thought of Changmin’s hesitant playfulness and willing grins when the mood struck him. “You have the other four members and I don’t think you know how lucky you are. And you are in love with your best friend. From where you sit, Yunho, everything is easily understood.”
“It’s not like that for all of us.” Picking up his beer bottle, Se7en swallowed a sip, letting the cold liquid pour down his throat. “I have a couple of friends but Changmin is the first person I’ve had in my life that I talk to about everything. Even the stupid small things because sometimes, they turn out to be so important.”
“I love him.” Se7en pointed out. “I’m not saying I’m in love with him. And I’m not asking him to be in love with me. Right now, I don’t like him for what he’s done but that doesn’t mean I want him out of my life. I want him in my life so fucking much that I asked him for some time so I could get my head straight instead of risking hurting him.”
“And if you can’t understand that,” He shrugged. “Then you’re stupider than I gave you credit for. And I’ve given you a lot of credit for stupidity so that’ll blow my mind.”
Yunho stared out at the wet city for so long, Se7en wondered if he’d fallen asleep and was dreaming. He snorted to himself. He wasn’t so tired that he’d dream that Yunho came over and was now listening to him talk about Changmin.
“Okay.” Yunho nodded slowly. “So you’re asking me to just let things settle between you?”
“I’m not asking you anything.” Se7en replied with a grin. “You don’t get a say in this. You’re not going to be in this thing between me and Min. I’m telling you how things are between us from my point of view.”
“Then why didn’t you call him?” The leader turned and cocked his head.
“More things that aren’t your business.” Se7en reminded him.
“It is my business when you make him cry.”
“I didn’t mean to make him cry.” Guilt flooded Se7en. He’d just been too busy and every time he picked up the phone, his heart murmured that it still hurt. He hadn’t been ready to hear the husky sweetness of Minku’s voice, especially when he was too far away to tell the younger man to come over and they’d talk. No, he needed to be someplace nearby when they spoke. He owed himself that much.
“We both needed time, Yunho. The pissed off parts of our minds had to go away first. But I love him. No matter what happens between us, I love him. I’m not throwing away us because he was willing to do so on a whim.” The rain outside grew heavy, running streams down the glass. It was as if the world was washing away the dirt around Se7en and he was grateful for it. He’d sleep better cleansed of all the troubles he’d heaped on his soul.
“Now get the hell out so I can go to bed.” Se7en stood. “I’m about to fall over. Save your apologies for later. I’m sure you’ll have more and I’ve got to get a few out of my system.”
“If Jae asks, tell him I said I’m sorry.” Yunho grabbed the key he’d taken from Changmin. He’d tuck it back into the younger man’s backpack.
“Shit, if Jae asks, I’ll even tell him you almost sounded like you meant it.”
Changmin heard Jaejoong calling for him from down the hall. Thinking the shout was for dinner, he was about to close his laptop when the older man came into his room, holding a thick parchment envelope. Min eyed Jae when he handed him the envelope, curious at the scrawling kanji on its front.
“What’s this?” Taking the packet, Min turned it over, deciphering his name and address on the front.
“I’m guessing mail.” Jaejoong shrugged. “It came in today. I was wondering if it was fan mail but it came here to the house.”
“And,” Jaejoong turned his head to see the writing, pointing out to the younger man a character written in red next to Changmin’s name. “I think that says minku. Either that or whale. I’m not that good with uncommon kana characters.”
“No, that’s right,” Changmin bit his lip, letting the pain work into his mouth. “It’s minku.”
“Do you want me to close the door?” The singer headed out, stopping before he left.
“Please.” Min trusted himself to nod. His heart was pounding and he couldn’t breathe. “I don’t want Junsu or Yoochun to come in. Can you keep them out if they look like they’re heading down here?”
“Yeah,” Changmin knew he could always depend on Jaejoong to help him manage the other two boisterous members. “I’ll let you know when dinner gets here. We’re ordering in an hour.”
“Thanks.” Min didn’t hear the door close, his ears were filled with a rushing noise, panic and stress overloading his senses. He feared opening the envelope, but it was inevitable. He wouldn’t be able to not open it. He just hoped it didn’t hold Se7en’s last words to him.
With trembling fingers, Min opened the flap, pulling out a long sheet of paper written in Korean and several photographs, all showing Se7en in Hong Kong. Some were formal, posed shots for public relations but others were casual, including one of him and Taebin eating bao on a bridge in a garden, their mouths stuffed nearly full and wide with silly grins. Laughing despite his nervousness, Changmin put the photos aside and began to read the letter, his fingers finding the kitsune hidden under his pillow.
By the time you’re reading this, I’ll be…actually I don’t where I’ll be. I don’t know where I am now. Well, I’m in the hotel but I couldn’t tell you which one to save my life.
I thought about calling you. God, I think about calling you every day and night. I miss hearing you. I miss having you in my day. And I miss having you in my life. Right now is the hardest time for me because I know we both needed to think about what we said and how we said it. We hurt one another. And no one can hurt like someone you love.
I’m not a very good writer. If it’s not lyrics then most of the time, I text everything. But I thought instead of a phone call that would make me want to be near you, I should write you a letter to tell you why I want to be near you. I don’t think you understand that about me.
So here goes. Don’t laugh.”
Changmin couldn’t help but laugh. Se7en’s sketch of a goofy-eyed fox made him laugh. He would blame Se7en for that later.
“I love you. That’s the first thing I need to remind you. I loved you before I wondered if I’m in love with you. You make me think about how to feel. You make me wonder what is out there in the world that I’ve not seen. And you bring to me a view of the people and things around me that I’ve not even considered. I’ve spent a lot of my life being Se7en and sometimes I forget that I’m also Dong-Wook. I don’t even know who that is anymore. And you’ve made me realize that I should know who I am.
How weird is that?
God you make me ache. You do. I see you and I want to crawl up inside of you and stay. Not just sexually because I want to do that too but because I want to see the world through your eyes. It’s so different from what I see. It’s like you have a prism that you peer through and everything is more brilliantly coloured. I like seeing the world that way.
Without you, my world is grey and bleak.
That’s how I first knew I was falling in love with you. Not because you make me laugh or because I like the blush you get when I embarrass you. It was because when I’m not with you, I still can see the colours you’ve left behind in my eyes.”
Min looked away from the letter, breathing up to dry his eyes. He didn’t want to smear the ink with his tears, but the swelling in his soul demanded something from him and his body responded with the only thing it could do, weep with emotion.
“I’m coming back in a few days. On Friday afternoon, I think. I don’t know what condition I’ll be in when I get back because I’m dead tired now and I still have a few more days of this crap to go through. But it’s important crap. That’s another thing I like about you. You understand what I go through because you go through it yourself.
If we decide to do this thing, because we keep calling it a thing, we’re going to have to work to regain the trust in each other. I know this. I’m willing to do this. I hope you are too.
I’ll leave my cell phone on Friday night. If you want to call. I’m leaving this up to you, Minku. Because I promised I would let you decide how fast we move. I’m still here if you want me.
Love you. Even when you piss me the fuck off, I love you.