something to pass the time. really. no plot. nothing much. just...words.
The apartment was dark when Jaejoong came home. It sounded quiet, an echoing weight of busy lives paused just long enough to get some sleep before starting up all over again. Closing the door behind him, he leaned on it, wishing for a moment he could shut away the world as easily as he shut the door.
Flinging his car keys on kitchen counter, he shoved off his boots, leaving them in the middle of the living room floor. He’d catch hell about it from Yoochun in the morning but at the moment, just didn’t care. His body ached and his brain felt like exploding from the pressure of being Jaejoong. Stripping off his shirt, he padded into the bedroom he shared with Yunho, not shocked to find it empty.
He’d snapped at his lover, curdling his words into hateful spiced weapons that dug under Yunho’s skin. Now, he was sorry for them but at the time, it was all Jaejoong could do not to walk away. He’d wanted to leave everything behind, everything he’d worked so hard for. In that moment, he’d stood on the edge of his patience and wondered how far he could fall before he hit bottom.
“Probably sleeping in Junsu’s room.” Yanking off his jeans, he let those slide to the floor too, kicking them away. A pillow fit into the hollow of his belly, a comforting softness that cradled his sorrow. A sting of salt wet his lashes and Jae blinked, refusing to shed a tear over the stupidity of the day’s events.
The door opened and then closed, followed by the weight of a familiar body on the bed next to him. Yunho’s hand ran over his hip then up to his shoulder, brushing at the soft hair along his neck. Sighing, Jae turned onto his back to stare up at the dark brown eyes that swallowed him whole.
Jaejoong’s pale body was a slash of ivory skin stretched over muscle and long bone. Dark splotches of purpling blood rose to the surface along his thighs, marring the sleekness of his legs. The stark black of his underwear cast the blush along his stomach into a warm glow, the dip of his belly button a shadow above the elastic waistband. A yellow gold ring winked from the man’s pierced skin, a token Yunho himself threaded through his lover’s body hours ago.
“You okay now, Jae?”
It was a simple question but the answer was too complicated for Jaejoong to speak to. No, he wasn’t okay. The world was too tight around him and he was drowning in a river he made. And when he needed someone to love him, he slashed out at the hearts that were offered to him. How could he be okay?
“No.” A shake of his head brought Yunho up against him, the other man’s body stretching out along his side. The press of Yunho’s fingers on his belly nearly made him cry, an understanding comfort there that Jae felt he didn’t deserve.
“You left too quickly. I would have gone with you.”
“I needed space.”
There was a long pause then Yunho’s velvet voice rumbled with a dark curiosity, “From me?”
“No, from me.” It was the only answer Jae had. The only one he could give. “I needed to get away from me.”
“You can’t run from yourself, baby.” Yunho’s mouth touched the corner of Jae’s lips, sucking out a kiss from the other man’s pout. “No matter how hard you try.”
“I wanted all of this. I wanted me here like this,” Jae waved his hand, encompassing the world around him. “But I feel like sometimes I’m lost under it. Like I don’t know where I am anymore.”
“Right now, we’re in Korea,” Yunho teased.
“Stop. You know what I mean,” He said, slapping at Yunho’s shoulder. “I wanted people to know who I am and now, I feel like I’ve handed them my life and said, here I am for you to play with. And they stick me into poses like I am a doll or pull of my arms and legs like a toy they found on the street.”
“We’re stuck with this, Joongie-ah,” Yunho reminded him. “With all of this. Any control we have on what we do is done here, behind that door when it’s closed. When this is all over, what are we going to miss more? The attention or the quiet times that we shared?”
“Are you saying when this is all over that we’re not going to have quiet times?”
There was danger in answering that, Yunho saw it as a glacier slowly drifting into his path. Grinning, he rested on one elbow and stared down into his lover’s face. “There’s going to be quiet times and probably loud times. But when we’re done being who we are now, we’re not going to remember any of the stupid things that happened. We’re not. We’ll just remember how shocked we were when we saw our faces up on a billboard and wondered if they got something wrong.”
“I’ll remember how I felt when we flew to Paris and thought, I can touch you under the blanket.”
“God, you made that stewardess blush.”
“She was wanted to adjust the blanket!” Jae pushed at his shoulder, nearly knocking Yunho over. “We’d have been in trouble.”
“Listen to me, Jaejoong,” Yunho brushed the back of his fingers against the other man’s lush mouth. “When you need space from the you that you’ve become, run to me instead. I’ve got you, the Jaejoong that you are. I have him in my heart like you have me in yours. Okay?”
“Love you, Yunho.” Jae whispered as his lover’s mouth descended onto his, sealing his words between them.
“I know, baby.” A flick of Yunho’s tongue wet the roof of Jae’s mouth, coaxing a soft moan from the singer’s throat. “I love you too. Now lay back and let me take that worry from your face. I want to give you one of those quiet moments that we’re always going to remember.”