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Not a Chapter...

But still connected to On The Red Couch.

Hello and thank you for following the story. I appreciate all of the time you spend with me. I truly do.

For any of you who know me, and read me, you know I don't like straying into controversial story line plots like MPreg or Non-Con sex. I just don't like it and often I don't like how it's portrayed.

It was a hard decision to include Kimura in this piece. I wasn't going to do it but it played an important part of what broke YunJae up and played into Jaejoong's already fractured psyche. I had to think if this was a piece that could hold up the story and truthfully I thought about what I would want someone to walk away with if they read this.

In the end, I thought it was important to get something out there. Seriously look at how someone feels after something that tragic has happened to them... even if it's considered a sexual assault and not a rape, it still is an assault on someone's heart and mind. I wanted anyone who ever read anything to know that THEY are the ones who are strong and that they have nothing to be ashamed of. That there are people who understand and no, they are not to blame.

While this is fiction, the issues that I try to talk about in the SMM universe are real. From hiding what you are because of hatred...to sexual assault... to learning to love yourself for who you are; all of these things are out there and should be talked about. If you can't talk about them with those around you then please, find someone to talk to. Find someone who will listen.


Thank you.
Wedspawn ♥

Part One: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Se7en, 8, 9, 10, 11

Part Two: 12, 13 (Extremely Mature Content), 14, 15, 16, Comments Regarding Storyline , Se7enteen, 18, 19, 20, 21 (Lemon)

Part Three: 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, Twenty-Se7en (LEMON), 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 (LEMON), 33, 34, 35, 36, Thirty-Se7en, 38, 39, 40 (Final)


( 50 comments — Leave a comment )
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Aug. 30th, 2009 09:00 pm (UTC)
Totally agree with you.

Aug. 30th, 2009 09:04 pm (UTC)
♥♥♥♥♥ it wasn't an easy decision. and god knows... i fought writing it but then said in the end, i have to just write it. :::nod:::
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 30th, 2009 09:25 pm (UTC)
♥♥♥♥ oh this was SOOOOO difficult.

i have problems with people using non-consensual sex as a means to say that someone is in love. i wanted to deal with the outcome and how someone is left inside. that was so important. and how it affects not only the victim but those around him or her. :::nods:::

i decided... obviously... in the end that i would deal with it and try to show it as delicately as i could without actually depicting it. but to show the emotions and the aftermath. :::nods:::


snookies. i hope i was able to do that. at the very least.
Aug. 30th, 2009 10:12 pm (UTC)
i really appreciate you saying this, i know myself that i hate reading about things like this the most, i try to avoid people who write this become the writers i came across kept putting voilent images in my head with absolutely no explaination or "lesson" learned from WTH i just read... hate writers like that.

but u are so different. this is like the first time im actually reading a story on YunJae and im glad your my first, for about the first year i knew them i wasn't intested in yaoi things like this with them and felt it was so wrong but now im started to see their real life love for each other through their strong feelings of friendship..

ok lost track a bit lol...

but yeah i really respect you for getting me to read this and actually feel some sort of emotion for them, even though this is fiction i've been thinking about the whole situation for the past few days truthfully.
Aug. 30th, 2009 10:14 pm (UTC)
i think i meant "because" at the top but i wrote "become" lmao trying to type down my thoughts really fast is difficult =/
(no subject) - wedspawn - Aug. 30th, 2009 10:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wedspawn - Aug. 30th, 2009 10:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - yamapilovergyal - Aug. 30th, 2009 10:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wedspawn - Aug. 30th, 2009 11:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 30th, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC)
You are absolutely right. I dont like it when i read something like that. Most of the time when a Story is labelled with it, i dont read it. I have read yours because you can write about it with the mind on the victim. I really love this story because you showed hope for Jae. A way for all to live through this and to embrace their own strengh. Thankyou

mhh you remember German
sorry for the mistakes
probably one or two
Aug. 30th, 2009 10:38 pm (UTC)
♥♥♥♥♥ snookies and hugs. :::offers you cookies:::

it really was a hard choice but i wanted to show... the victim's depths of emotion and him rising out of it. and that there is hope in overcoming things. and to reach out. that was key.

smooches and snookies. ♥ i don't like reading them either since sometimes it's not about the person but just the act. that doesn't sit well with me. :::hugs:::

and you're fine. i admire people who do so well in english when i can barely use it most of the time. and it's my native language! :D
Aug. 31st, 2009 12:20 am (UTC)
I'm glad you posted this here!
Aug. 31st, 2009 12:48 am (UTC)
♥♥♥♥ i knew i was going to post something... especially connect to the chapters in question. it was a difficult decision to do but my gut said... do it. it should be done. go.

but aish. so painful. ♥
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 31st, 2009 03:32 am (UTC)
♥♥♥ it will be lightening up. it wasn't something that i expected to write... but then i thought i shouldn't turn away from it. :::nods::: the boys will be back to fluffy. ♥
Aug. 31st, 2009 03:12 am (UTC)
As someone who has some experience in this area I must say you have written it seriously and with sensitivity. i dislike it when people write about sexual assault or rape for titilation or as if it's an expression of love. rape is a serious and henious crime and if included in a fic this is how it should be portrayed. it is so important that the message that the victims of these crimes should know and believe they are not to blame and they are not worthless - that it is the perpertrator that is lacking not them. great fic, maturly written, meaning that someone like me can read it and not feel demeaned. I used the word 'victim' earlier - but I am not a victim, I refuse to be a 'victim' and so should anyone who has had this traumatic experience.
Aug. 31st, 2009 03:47 am (UTC)
i hesitated to use the word victim or survivor because really, people do thrive afterwards... i mean they have lives and go back to those lives, diminishing their attacker. i dislike when rape is used as a trope and wholly am disgusted when people use non-con in a fic to display a type of love. it's not. :::nods:::

i was struggling with whether or not to depict this in such a way that it didn't seem as if the characters couldn't work out of it. that is always important... to talk. to report it... to understand that no matter what has happened in the past, the person is a victor for coming through to the other side of it.

i probably am not making any sense. i just peeled out another chapter and my brain's leaking but thank you. i wanted to say in this that if something like this happens, it's not the end of the world and that you can be strong and you can seek help. :::nods::: ♥♥♥♥
(no subject) - twiglet71 - Sep. 1st, 2009 12:03 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wedspawn - Sep. 1st, 2009 12:49 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 31st, 2009 04:06 am (UTC)
agree completely
i think one of the main reason i love your writing is because of this the real world connection that not only applies to korean boy band or gay guys
Aug. 31st, 2009 04:09 am (UTC)
snookies and thank you.

i've been trying to balance this topic out with the reality of life and really what i hope people find for themselves when faced with something like this. that they are strong and really, they are worth everything in the world. :::nods::: ♥♥♥
Aug. 31st, 2009 07:44 am (UTC)
very well said. ♥
Aug. 31st, 2009 07:56 am (UTC)
i'm contemplating if i should share this to you, i guess i've decided that i should since i'm typing it now. heh.

well, last night (or was it this morning?) i had a dream. you were there, and we are sort of like friends.as in close friends. we went in a school or something, i'm not familiar with the place. we just went there and after that i woke up. but what was really amusing with my dream was that YOU'RE TALKING TO ME IN TAGALOG/FILIPINO. as in fluently. it is just really a dream no? =)

(no subject) - wedspawn - Aug. 31st, 2009 01:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jhing_tearjerky - Aug. 31st, 2009 01:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wedspawn - Aug. 31st, 2009 02:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wedspawn - Aug. 31st, 2009 01:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 31st, 2009 01:20 pm (UTC)
♥♥♥♥♥ haato you! ♥♥♥♥♥
Aug. 31st, 2009 11:17 am (UTC)
you're so awesome
Aug. 31st, 2009 01:32 pm (UTC)
♥♥♥♥ snookies. *blushes*

ah, thank you. :::ducks:::
Aug. 31st, 2009 03:52 pm (UTC)
oh wow, i'm certainly spamming alot tonight (: but thanks for taking the time to explain and pen down your thoughts on why you included kimura, and reminding us about the harsh reality of rape. i think it's nice that you're one of the rare few authors who actually uses their stories to send out a message to their readers, and you touch on issues so close to the heart; just, thank you (: for writing this universe, for taking so much time out to connect to everyone else. you're lovely ♥
Aug. 31st, 2009 04:04 pm (UTC)
heh... spamming is okay.


i wanted to say so much here in this story. that no matter what happens, having people around you to talk to and going to loved ones really is important. there are so many conflicting emotions regarding assault and most of all, i'd always want that person to remember that they are not at fault. :::nods::: ♥♥♥♥

it wasn't a good thing to have to include but i'm happy i did on some level.

snookise and thank you! ♥
Aug. 31st, 2009 04:14 pm (UTC)
is it possible to adore you more, eonni? /snuggles 8D

i've wrote about rape once in my fic. it was hard to write about...but i wanted to show that it's a beastly thing to do and no one get anything but hurt from it, even if the reason someone does it is because of jealousy and the feeling of betrayal. it's not okay, and never will be okay. i'm not sure if i've handled the issue well, and sometimes i regret not putting more thoughts into it when i wrote it. hmm. @_@

i've told you how grateful i am you're writing about this. i know that writing about such heavy issue could exhaust you, but fighting eonni! you can do it! our writing is our way to give messages to people - and it can be good or bad depending on our intentions and thoughts. i could say you did extremely well with showing us the ugly sides of rape without losing the hope of recovering from it, and i applaud you. lots of love and understanding are often the best medicine for something like this. :)

this is not merely a fic anymore, eonni. it's a memoir. of broken people and how they manage to overcome pain and heartache. it's not merely about hot korean boys and sex anymore. it's that and so much more. :]


Aug. 31st, 2009 05:04 pm (UTC)
♥♥♥ it was very hard to write yes and honestly, i was worried i wouldn't be able to portray it correctly :::nods:::

snookies and hugs. and thank you.

i promise. we will be going back to hot korean boys, dancing and smexy things. :::nods:::

hugs you :::smooches::: ♥
Aug. 31st, 2009 09:22 pm (UTC)
I completly agree with what you said here, and if im honest i think that you have truly managed to convey the message you were hoping for.

The way you've written on the red couch, takes a serious look into hurtful issues like assult without making them comical or promoting them, and i think that trying to potray the strength of character it takes to survive this is a really admirable thing to do.
Aug. 31st, 2009 10:08 pm (UTC)
♥♥♥ thank you. i wanted to portray someone going through the emotional turmoil in such a way that the people around them are depicted in a realistic light as well. :::nods::: ♥♥♥♥

Sep. 7th, 2009 03:58 pm (UTC)
Thank you.

I know that these are just two words, and they don't explain a lot but...

Thank you.
Sep. 7th, 2009 08:27 pm (UTC)
♥♥♥♥♥ smooches.

i just wanted to be clear. :::nods::: that i want anyone hurting.. to please talk. ♥
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wedspawn ♥

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