this section has lemon bits. more like lemon drops.
Rating: Overall NC-17. This section HAS some sexual content.
All your juk belongs to: ranalore.
Summary: The beginning of a shifting relationship. Hot Korean boys. Sex. Dancing and some angry words. Not necessarily in that order. Not necessarily in each section.
One; Two; Three; Four; Five; Six; Seven; Eight; Nine; Ten; Eleven; Twelve; Thirteen; Fourteen; Fifteen; Sixteen; Seventeen; Eighteen; Nineteen; Twenty; Twenty-One; Twenty-Two; Twenty-Three
Yunho stood outside of the apartment, a home created by a company that knitted together five young men into a singing group… and there… in that small space he found someone he could love. The glass building held many secrets, one of which was now his. Jaejoong was all he had left of family. The others were that circle beyond, brothers where he had none. It just hurt too much to even think. His throat ached from trying to swallow all of the tears he’d choked down, a burning fire in his mind.
Faces of his parents, growing distant in his mind, transformed from the supporting, stern teachers to masked horrors of pain and regret. His own heart was so heavy with disappointment. To suddenly discover the people he’d believed would be besides him throughout all of his trials and successes were nothing more than shadows of illusion Yunho had created in a dream. Their betrayal stung deeper than any poison he could have injected into his system. Every drop of blood coursing through his veins held their unfaithfulness. And he mourned finding the ashes of his childhood mottling his heart.
Yunho vowed not to regret spilling his seed on Jae’s barren flesh. It would be better if those heartless souls did not live on in his own progeny. And wondered in the dark whispers of his mind, if he had it within him to betray Jae as his parents did their own son.
The apartment seemed so cold… much colder than in the dead of winter. Yunho stumbled through the living room, catching his foot on the hallway wall, his hand sliding down the frame in an attempt to catch himself before tumbling face first into the flooring. He’d not drunken much of the alcohol, it seemed more that what little he had imbibed served only to cut off his brain from his heart, taking away some of the pain burbling up inside of him.
Burping, Yunho discovered the sourness of his father’s anger still nesting in his belly. The apartment spun under his feet, a tumbling skew of walls he couldn’t make much sense of. He never thought something could hurt as much as he did right now, the pain on his mother’s face churned against the love he held for Jaejoong, its newness not yet worn down into his soul.
“Jaejoong.” He opened the bedroom door, looking for some spark of a star in his universe. An erotic dream looked up from a sprawl on the bed, lean bodied and long legs stretched out over a bolster pillow. Delicate bones stretched hard under supple flesh, pliable and willing for Yunho’s touch. Jet silk floated over Jae’s face, a curtain of black ruffled from his lashes, kohl rimmed eyes watching every step Yunho made into the room.
In the golden wash from the lamps and overhead lights, Yunho stared at the exotic creature he’d fallen for, an exquisite addiction that left him wanting more. Jaejoong’s fragile countenance still bore the hesitant stamp of the street urchin who’d stumbled into their ambitious world, drawn by a longing dream buried under the weight of Jae’s attraction to Yunho.
The few remains of scatter mess had been cleaned up, music equipment neatly organized against the wall, wires tied with plastic cords and tucked beneath the desks. A floor lamp had migrated into the bedroom, a beaded shade dangling amber strands, light waving through minute facets. Jaejoong’s love of music kept the stereo system in a prominent place, stacks of CDs purloined from various member’s collections, the feral singer’s hoarding tendencies in clear view. A soft husky voiced woman filled the room, rolling sounds of a muddy river carved into a land far across the globe, her husband having left her for another woman.
“Oh, Yunnie-ah…” Jaejoong was on his knees, reaching for the young man who captured his soul. Hands raked into the shirt Yunho chose so carefully out of his closet, now rumpled with sweat and rain. The singer felt the pain in his lover’s heart, an echoing sadness that he himself knew so very intimately. Yunho clung to him, his hands digging down into Jae’s waist, dragging him closer until the singer cupped hard against the young man’s primed body.
The room was warm, so very different from the world he’d just left. Yunho cupped at Jae’s chin, his fingers touching the shell of the young man’s ears. A dip of his head claimed Jae’s mouth, forcing the other back, rolling him back into the pillows. The mattresses creaked beneath their weight, Yunho moving one hand under Jae’s shin, pulling his legs straight and sliding down to rest at the cradle of the singer’s groin.
“Yunho…stop.” Jaejoong pulled back from the ravenous kiss, trying to capture a good look at his lover’s face. The ache in Yunho’s eyes was clear. Jae had seen that expression staring back at him in his mirror, his own features ruined by rejection and heartache. He’d prayed in the small whisperings of a child’s voice that his lover would be spared that anguish. It was obvious those pleas went unheard. “Please, tell me…what happened?”
“You know what happened, Joongie.” The tears still remained unshed. He would not cry in Jaejoong’s presence. He wouldn’t show his lover the grief he already felt once, broken apart under his father’s fists whereas Yunho only suffered once, a strike of rage across his face and words flung into the emptiness left behind by a family’s leaving. “There’s no one left but you.”
“They’ll come around.” Yunho’s adoration of his mother was well known. To have the young man cut off from the family he admired and depended on cut deep into Jaejoong’s heart. Bit by bit, drops of guilt splashed acidic remorse on the singer’s reservations, the selfish need for Yunho in his life becoming overwhelmed by the other man’s filial obligations. “Both of your parents are so proud of you. Even when you chose something they didn’t want for you, you showed them that you were successful... and they spoke so highly of you. You can’t let this... thing with me change that.”
“We are not a thing, Joongie.” Yunho pressed down on Jae’s body, sliding his hands up over the other man’s trim hips, trapping the singer under his own weight. His mouth searched out Jae’s, teasing it open once again and swallowing the mumbled protests hovering at the edge of the other’s tongue. “I’ve given up everything for you...everyone that I’ve loved has turned on me...except for you.”
Yunho’s teeth savaged the lower plump flesh on Jaejoong’s mouth, traveling to nibble hard on the clean jaw line, biting hard at the tender flesh under Jae’s chin. His hands made quick work of his lover’s shirt, the collar stitching popping under the force of Yunho’s pulling. Jaejoong scrambled to gain some footing on the bed, ensnared by Yunho’s powerful legs wrapped around his own.
Tenderness had no part in Yunho’s knotted urges, his mouth finding a sweet velvet spot along Jae’s chest, suckling pink at the groove between his pectorals. Eager fingers located the hard pierce of gold running under Jae’s nipple, plucking the nub into a rigid peak. The leader’s rough palms curved down to stroke at the other’s belly, pushing up to feather across each rib bone he found under his fingers. Jae gasped, his protests to slow down lost in a rush of heat filling his belly, a ravaged bruise swelling the sensitive rise of his lips.
“Yunnie...” Jae came up for air, swaddled in the ardor Yunho wrapped around him, barely able to move or breathe in the intense onslaught. “You...”
“I need you.” Yunho’s teeth bit down on Jaejoong’s earlobe, mouthing at the earring post he found there. A moist sucking drew a hiss from the singer’s throat, arching upward to push Yunho’s mouth harder against his skin. “Let me... have you. I just want to feel you around me. Make everything just go away.”
It was so soon, Jaejoong’s mind whispered. Neither one of them was ready for this. Definitely not him. But the anguish in Yunho’s voice broke Jaejoong, striking his soul as Yunho’s father struck at his son’s face.
The whispers of the other waiters in the club came back to him, shoved aside faded memories of pain and endurance under the grunting bodies of the men who promised them pleasure. He’d come into the dressing room once to find Scarlet and another one of the women talking in hushed voices about the breadth of the new bouncer, a voracious plunging motion mimicked by the other dancer’s hands. Sliding behind the dressing screen, Jaejoong listened quietly to the horror stories of blood and torn flesh, wondering how anyone who wanted love could withstand that abuse of their bodies just for the presence of another person in their hearts.
Now, Jae understood it completely.
“Anything.” The sweet-faced young man murmured, his terrors frozen solid against want in his spirit. The pain in Yunho was palatable, a sour bitterness “I’ll give you anything you want...anything you need.”
He was bare to the evening air before he knew it,
Leaning Jaejoong back against the pillows, Yunho raised himself up to stare down at the long line of sinew and muscle lying underneath him. The young man’s full pout drew Yunho in, the scoop of sensual pleasure a promise in the pink moistness the leader knew lay hidden beyond. Caramel dipped almond eyes glanced up shyly through a shock of hair, a coy sexiness as natural to the singer as breathing. The beauty continued downward, rose splashes of nipples, a slash of gold and a wink of diamond pulling Yunho’s gaze downward. His fingers now intimately knew the soft skin below Jaejoong’s belly satin smooth before curving down to a brush of hair, Jae’s sex lengthening from its nest, hardening under Yunho’s frank perusal.
A ripple of Jae’s stomach muscles tickled Yunho’s palm, the journey downward made easier by a driving, desperate need to feel the man below him. The singer’s hands stroked at what he could reach, pinned under the other’s body, Yunho holding him fast against the softness of the bed. Jaejoong’s sweet gasp echoed in Yunho’s ear when the leader cupped at the singer’s heavy warmth, playing at the pearl-drop moisture beading over the tip.
Yunho dipped his head down, about to lick at the salty fluid, his hand working at Jae’s chest, a fierce roll of pressure against one nipple. Jaejoong’s hands in his hair stopped him, a begging gesture for Yunho to allow him to please as well, moaning urges floating through the spasms of his body responding to Yunho’s touch.
“I’ve never tasted you. Not really.” Yunho denied Jae his urgings, pressing the opening of his mouth against the enticing slit along Jae’s sex. He bit at the side of Jae’s thigh, making the singer cease his squirming. “Stop. Let me do this.”
The tip of his tongue roiled under the scent of his lover, a sweet musk of cloves and vanilla, the soap they now shared between them. The aroma of Jae’s skin ripened Yunho’s sex, the thought of the other belonging to him solidified how he felt…the anger he had when his father struck him.
Suckling at the weeping tip, Yunho’s desires growled deep in his chest, demanding more. A dip of his finger into Jae’s mouth slickened the digit, a demanding push for moisture to ease his way. The singer acquiesced, wanting more to open up his body for the others’ pleasure…anything to erase the ache of disownment, willing to take in anything Yunho needed to push into him, just for the strong-willed young man to feel normal again.
“I want you. Now. Please.” Husky voiced, Yunho nipped at the tender flesh along Jae’s sex, tracing the long vein running under the skin with his teeth. Mewling, the singer pressed his hips up, aching and dripping from desire. The moist touch of Yunho’s mouth created a deep craving inside of him, his knees lifting and spreading apart, begging for Yunho’s touch.
Fanged butterflies dug down into Jaejoong’s stomach, panic rising in a dreadful tide when he felt the brush of Yunho’s finger against the rosette rim of his core. Moistened only with his own salvia, Jaejoong knew the intrusion would hurt, stories overheard at the clubs and dance floors weaving a tale of caution when falling in love… strong words of advice thrown aside for one simple, single reason.
Jaejoong wanted to hurt as much as Yunho hurt now. He would take Yunho’s pain inside of him, willingly…wantonly. It was what he should to endure for bringing that shattering anguish to his lover’s soul. In his heart and his spirit, Jae knew he deserved nothing less.
The push surprised Jae, Yunho’s mouth still licking at his length. Yunho’s shirt brushed a soft cotton kiss over Jaejoong’s naked stomach, the buttons notching into the groove running down his abdomen. A press of a moist finger pad played at the rim of his entrance, coaxing Jae to fully open to the intrusion. Twisting, Jae tried to comply, forcing his mind to hold his body open for Yunho’s finger.
A hiss escaped Jaejoong’s lungs, the sudden filled sensation of his inner core shocking him with its dryness and the sharp digging pain of Yunho’s delicate probing. His breath began to catch into short pants, a scrambling bundle of nerves clutching tight around his entrance. Forcing the sharpness away from his mind, Jaejoong huskily urged Yunho to continue, a single tear leaking from his clenched eyes.
Promising a darker pleasure than the feel of Jaejoong’s mouth on him, Yunho was entranced by the clinging texture of his lover, a touch his sex ached to have around him. The pain of his family rode him again, breaking waves of distress fighting with the sheer delight of the desire under him. Yunho dipped his head again, hoping to suckle the sweetness of Jae deep into his being, hoping it would erase all of the torment boiling there.
A simple sound froze Yunho’s ministrations, a choking mewl…the shushing breath escaping between Jaejoong’s clenched teeth. Yunho heard the pain there, the willingness to fall beneath the incessant, harsh intrusion solely for the pleasure of his lover… a young man trying to withstand the crumbling of his entire world.
Pulling free from Jae’s body, Yunho stood quickly, horrified at the need that overrode his concern for the young man who’d given everything of himself. Jaejoong had bared his soul down to the bones of his emotions and was more than willing to sear himself on the fires of Yunho’s pain….merely to extinguish the anguish riding through the leader’s being.
“I can’t do this to you. God, Jaejoong…how can you let me do this to you?” Yunho’s weeping finally broke, tears of remorse breaching past his control. His body jerked with the shivers of what he’d asked Jaejoong for… violating the whispered promises of taking care of the singer’s pleasures along with his own. “Why don’t you stop me from hurting you? Haven’t you been hurt enough?”
“Yes.” So silent was Jaejoong’s reply, Yunho nearly didn’t hear him. The sibilant entreaty that followed crushed Yunho’s heart, a driven rusted nail into the raw tenderness of his love for the young singer. “Yunnie-ah, I would hurt all over again for you…just so you would never feel it. I don’t mind the pain…if it heals you.”
Yoochun shook under his covers, a trembling grip on his bared shoulder. A wet drop struck his face, warm despite the winter chilled air sliding from a crack in the window. Another droplet hit the corner of Micky’s mouth, the salty taste reminiscent of the ocean. His dreams turned, sun-drenched beaches and a gamboling form running in silhouette ahead of him, the man’s face lost in an impenetrable shadow cast.
“Chunnie-ah... please.” His ears heard the sobbing in Jaejoong’s voice, heart wrenching crackles loosened from a pretty, tortured mouth. “You need to wake up, please.”
His eyes flew open, trying to adjust to the darkness of the room. A light shone from the hallway, illuminating the barest of details. Junsu lay asleep on the bed next to him, his foot peeking out from under the mound of covers he liked to bury himself in. A reposed hand lay over a floppy lavender ear, the bunny’s body hidden by Junsu’s cheek.
Jaejoong’s tears ran sheets of water over his skin, his eyes red from crying. The back of his hand rubbed at the tip of his nose, a crimson dot formed at the end. Despite the ravages of grief, the young singer remained beautiful, an articulated porcelain doll whose façade bore signs of crazing. Yoochun scrubbed at his face, feeling the wet on his own palm, sodden from Jaejoong’s weeping.
“What happened? Who’s hurt?” Micky was about to slide out of bed when Jaejoong pushed in under the quilt, his arms tight around Yoochun’s waist. Another jag of sobbing began, atypical for the feral singer and his need for composure. This was the private Joongie that Micky saw peeking out from under the bravado. Junsu stirred, his eyes wide at the sight of the slender singer cradled against Yoochun’s chest.
Yoochun met Junsu’s stare, the other singer’s gaze narrowed in Jaejoong’s presence. Over the pitch of Jae’s hair, Micky mouthed an apology to his roommate, holding his hands out in a gesture of helplessness before sliding them over the jutting bones of the singer’s shoulder blades. His lips tightened into a sharp line, Junsu pulled back the covers, grabbing a blanket and a pillow then snatching up a forlorn button-eyed rabbit, the amicable faced singer stalked out of the room.
Sighing in frustration, Micky turned his attention back to his crying friend, pulling Jae’s face away from his chest. “Joongie-ah, please... tell me what’s happened.”
A hiccup greeted Yoochun’s query, followed by another ratchet of sobs. Trying to get his tears under control, Jae brought his hands to his mouth, touching at the tear on his lower lip... a bitten remnant of Yunho’s rough kisses.
“Yunho...oh, Chunnie... he told his parents... “ Jaejoong felt himself turned over, resting on his back and tucked under Yoochun’s arm. The familiar comfort of the position eased the stress in his heart, a woeful ebb of anguish subsiding to a pool of misery. “They denied him. They’ve cast him out of the family because he wouldn’t give me up.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?” Micky struggled with his emotions. Jaejoong shared his pain in the past, a long ago bruise on his heart. Yunho’s anguish would be fresh, a gaping wound on the leader’s psyche. “He chose you.”
“He didn’t choose me. He shouldn’t have had to choose me.” Jae’s tears slowed, his body finally leeched of any remaining moisture in his sorrow. “There shouldn’t have been a choice, Chunnie. They should have loved him enough to let him stay with them. I’ve taken everything from him.”
“No...” Micky shushed his friend, drawing him close in a loose embrace, gently rocking the fragile singer. “Shhh... it’s not like that.”
“It is.” Jaejoong shook his head and pushed back against the mattress, his anger at the Jungs surfacing. “Yunnie-ah told me that I am all he has left. I’ve done this to him. I’ve made him... less. That’s not what I wanted.”
“You wanted to hide behind a curtain and pretend that the world wouldn’t notice that he loves you.” The taller singer gently kissed his friend’s temple, rubbing his cheek on Jae’s forehead. “He won’t do that. Yunho is too honest for that. He won’t live in the shadows like a frightened crab. And he doesn’t want you to live that way either. You’re the one placing that on him and he is willing to do that for you... but he wouldn’t be able to tell that lie to his parents.”
“You are not to blame for their reaction, Joongie-ah.” Micky insisted. He wished he could get a hold of Yunho’s parents to shake some sense into them. In refuting their son, they injured a more brittle soul.
“They wouldn’t have told him he wasn’t welcome in their house if I were a girl.” Jaejoong pointed out, his chin set firm. Micky preferred to deal with an angry Jaejoong, the tint of rage in the singer’s voice a foundation to build on. “He’s done so much... look how far he’s come! How can they deny that he’s someone to be proud of?”
“Where is he?” Yoochun asked. “Is he asleep?”
“No.” Jaejoong’s anger fled beneath worry, the singer’s emotions a bramble of chaos. “He left. I called his phone but he’s not answering. I don’t even know if he took it with him. He wanted to... feel better and wanted... more from me...”
“But I thought...” Micky hid his astonishment behind a closed mouth. Swallowing hard, he continued. “I thought the two of you were going to linger on things…enjoy where you were going.”
“He stopped himself.” Biting his tongue, Jaejoong felt the spill of blood in his throat. “Yunho couldn’t.. touch me. He just stopped and said he couldn’t... and then the next thing I knew, he was gone.”
“Do you think...he’s regretted me, Chunnie?” The ache pounded in Jae’s chest, so much pain overwhelming him in the past few months. His spirit soared briefly under Yunho’s attentions, a dream-like fugue he knew would have to end. It was tumbling apart now, under the glare of revealing their love...a situation Jaejoong dreaded since the beginning first whispers of affection between them.
Fears tumbled back into him, Jaejoong’s soul filling with round river stones of doubt. “Do you think that he’s gone to find his parents and tell them that he...doesn’t want me so they’ll take him back? God, Chunnie, what have I done to him? Only because I wanted to love him…because I wanted him to love me?”
“No.” Yoochun replied, emphatic in his denial. His friend shivered in his arms, a sobbing mess of contradictions begging for the touch of a single lover, the one who fled into the dark, cold night. “He does love you, Joongie-ah. How could he not? Yunho will be back. And then everything will be alright.”