Title: Coffee & Regrets ♥
Chapter: 1 [PG]
Overall Fic Rating: NC-17
Summary: A pair of lovers, worn and faded by time, hope to recapture what they once had… or walk away after bittersweet goodbyes.
Decadence, Changmin thought as he licked at the whipped cream on his mocha. A dribble of chocolate clung to his lower lip. It disappeared with a slow swipe of his tongue, the bittersweet liquid clinging to his throat as he swallowed.
“Shichi,” He whispered, closing his eyes against the pain in his heart. “Ah, how this tastes of you.”
Se7en was lost to him, as faded as the chocolate in his mouth. Distance eroded their bond more than anger or distraction. Both men were busy, lost in a struggle to be heard among the hundreds of other singers in the Asian market and their personal lives became collateral damage.
Gazing out at Seoul’s stormy skies, Changmin mourned the emptiness at his side. At one time, he would have heard laughter and teasing then the warmth of a slow seduction as his lover would coax him from his silence. Now, he brooded under thundering rain, lost in his thoughts and melancholy.
The others were a phone call away. They’d become nearly ninja in their ability to slip away from prying eyes and find their way to Changmin’s apartment, a loft hidden in an industrial area near the studio. Chasms separated them in public, a cold rigidity enforced by the glowering men around them but in private, they sought one another out, rekindling the brotherly relationships they still treasured.
“If only…” Min let his voice trail off and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He couldn’t bear to have the lights on. It was difficult to brood in a bright, cheery loft and the light would have shown him his reflection in the building’s floor-to-ceiling glass walls.
There was too much time for regrets, Min thought. Too much time for coffee and regrets. And no time to go back and fix what I’ve broken.
Their separation was his fault. Changmin wryly admitted his responsibility for the break in their relationship. When the others stepped up to the line and declared their intentions against the company, he knew he should have stood with them. Fear and obligation kept him back. Then anger and stubbornness made him refuse to budge.
The other members forgave him. He was still the baby, no matter how old or how tall he got and there was still some small part of Changmin that was angry at their dismissal of his position. Even if he regretted his choices, he felt he should have garnered some respect for his decisions. It was that pride that foundered the easy loving he’d once shared with Dong-Wook.
Where did that dreamer go? The voice in his head asked, a slithering whisper poking doubts into the filmy curtain of his confidence. Where is the Minku that Shichi admired?
“I’ve killed him,” Min spat at the gremlin eating away at his mind. “He’s dead. Dreaming about being someone…being something is stupid. After everything is said and done, the only one left standing is the company that created me. I’m nothing but some broken, beaten puppet they’ve thrown against the wall too many times.”
Stupid, His mind murmured, lost in the rumble of thundering skies. Stupid and maudlin. No wonder he left you. No wonder he doesn’t call. No wonder he stopped calling.
“He stopped calling because…” Changmin couldn’t bring himself to say anything more. It hurt too much. The sharp words Se7en used when Min told him of refusing to speak to the other members. They’d argued a little bit and made love. Then they argued too much and made war.
After that, there was silence and Min cried, left in the dark loneliness he’d created.
to be continued…