this is for bardou
JaeChunSu and a little bit dark.
THIS IS TOTALLY AU FROM SMM. 100% off SMM.
Not in any way related to So Much Mine, Lavender Bunny or anything else.
This probably will be some hardcore NC-17 or hell, maybe fluffy. I dunno.
PLEASE REMEMBER: I WON'T BE POSTING EVERY DAY. I'm doing this to stretch my brain.
Yunho listened to Junsu’s voice mail again. He’d mumbled something the night before about calling Junsu back when he was more awake but he’d not found the guts to dial the number — not when the subject was Kim Jaejoong. Seoul traffic stalled and Yunho pressed the heel of his hand against the steering wheel, fighting the urge to hit it with his fist.
They’d hurt one another — hateful hurts with words only lovers could sharpen to a razor’s edge. God knew he’d whetted his words and stabbed Jaejoong deep enough to make the young man’s soul bleed. Gritting his teeth with the memory of their last fight, he fought the traffic to pull to the side of the road and tucked his car into the relative privacy of a side alley.
His hot breath steamed the car’s windows, obscuring him in a thin fog. Outside, the light rain dusting the streets grew hard. Large rain drops hit the windshield, splattering outward into frilled rings. Hidden behind the misted windows, Yunho lay his head back, resting against the headrest.
Lord knew he tried to keep things professional with Jaejoong, even when their personal relationship was disintegrating under them like a crumbling cliff face. He’d strayed, letting his mind and body wander towards other things and didn’t pay attention to the other men circling the other singer. They’d never done more than playful fondling — countless blowjobs given in the dark of night when Yunho needed satiation and Jaejoong needed to be touched but beyond that, nothing. He’d be the first one to admit he didn’t consider Jaejoong to be anything more than a someplace warm to put his lust and a good friend when the lights were on.
As they grew older, Jaejoong’s needs grew as he matured and gained self-confidence. In some ways, Yunho wished the country-born singer remained as stupidly naïve as he’d been when they’d first begun singing together.
“I’m the leader — I guide us,” Yunho whispered through gritted teeth. “When the fuck did he take that from me? Who the hell does he think he is for even trying?”
He knew when it changed — the moment Jaejoong looked at Yoochun’s exhausted body quivering on a hotel bed and none of them would admit they didn’t know what city they were in. Jaejoong expected things — things Yunho couldn’t do or wouldn’t commit to.
“We have responsibilities,” He told the singer, pushing Jae with both hands when the young man pressed up into his face. “Obligations. We chose to do this. Don’t come crying to me if Yoochun’s too weak to stand it. We’re all tired. We get back up and push forward. It’s what we do. It’s what we’re supposed to do.”
“Are you sure you’re our leader?” Jaejoong tilted his head, snarling into Yunho’s face. “Where are you leading us and for whom? Are you leading us to our best? Or just making us dance to what the company wants because they aren’t as hard on you? Is that what you are, Yunho? SM’s whore leading us into a dark alley so you can watch as your pimp robs us of our lives?”
It felt good to punch Jaejoong in the mouth. Knocking that cocky, arrogant smirk from the beautiful face that haunted his erotic dreams felt as good as when that mouth was wrapped around his sex and taking Yunho down his throat.
He’d expected Jaejoong to hit him back. The young man was hot-tempered and physical; his world a tactile exploration of sensations and experiences. Yunho was surprised to see Jae wipe the blood from his cut mouth with the back of his hand then spit out red-speckled salvia onto the carpet, nearly hitting Yunho’s bare feet.
“Fuck you,” He growled. “I’m not going to let them do this to Yoochun anymore. Or Junsu either. If you were any kind of man — if you were even fucking human instead of a manipulated puppet — you’d help me get us free of the company instead of sucking their fingers clean when they’ve just been up your ass. No more, Yunho. I’m not going to do this anymore. Not for you. Not for anyone. I don’t love you that much.”
“Love?” Yunho sneered. “Who said anything about love?”
“You’re right, you didn’t,” Jae responded, his voice soft and threatening. “I’m wrong. Maybe I do love you too much. All of you. I love you so much I’d rather destroy what we are then let it destroy us.”
Talks fell apart after that. They’d grown distant then pulled back together for small events. He’d tried to reach the playful Jaejoong he knew was buried beneath the stoic mask the singer wore in public when they were together but Jae refused to budge, giving him only wistful smiles and the briefest of touches.
He’d been heartbroken when he heard Jaejoong had fallen apart backstage.
Heartbreak turned to anger when the three rose up from the ashes of their pain and bonded together, leaving he and Min out.
“No,” Yunho corrected himself, shoving aside the bitterness in his gut. “You chose this. You chose to follow your father. So did Min. You have different wants — different needs. You are going to be someone after this, Yunho. Remember that. What will they have when they are older and their voices are cracked with age? What will they have to fall back on? All they are is right now… I am beyond that. So in Changmin. We have to protect our futures. We have no choice.”
Then why — Yunho’s mind whispered — why are you dialing Junsu now to tell him you’re coming to Japan?
Jaejoong stood at the sink, pulling down his upper lip to scrape off the dark down growing there with a razor. A towel hung low on his hips, barely covering the rise of his ass. He slipped, nearly cutting himself when Yoochun began singing Balloons in the shower, the baritone pitching his voice up high and fast until he sounded like something from a bad anime. Shaking his head, Jaejoong finished up quickly before he laughed again and ended up slitting his throat.
“Hi,” Junsu popped his head into the bathroom, waving away hot steam from his face. Jaejoong met his eyes in the mirror, nodding a hello as he spread toothpaste on his brush. “I’m going to that bookstore we found the other day. Do you want me to grab you something while I’m out?”
“No,” Jaejoong said, smiling at the younger man’s reflection. “Oh wait, maybe some gobo tempura? We can have that in saimin tonight for dinner. There’s leftover pork and some shoyu eggs. It’ll be nice to have something fishy, no?”
“Sounds good,” He replied with a nod. “I’ll see you guys later.”
Jaejoong scrubbed at his teeth, foaming up around the mouth. He bared his teeth and growled, pretending to be a mad dog. The water cut off in the shower and Yoochun opened the glass door, catching the singer at his mimicking before Jaejoong could rinse off his face.
“You are funny,” Yoochun laughed, slapping Jae’s ass before he reached for a towel.
“Not as funny as you,” Jae scoffed. “You shouldn’t sing alto. Or at least let me kick you between the legs before you try it again.”
“Oooooooh,” He mocked the other man, wiping himself down and stepping out of the shower. “Was that Junsu?”
“Yeah.” Jae spit the last of his toothpaste out, rinsing his brush under the faucet. “He’s going to do something we won’t like.”
“How do you know that?” Yoochun asked.
“Because he said he was going to the bookstore,” Jaejoong replied, stripping off his towel and reaching for Yoochun. “When was last time Junsu even picked up a book. That, my Yoochun, was a lie and a very bad one too.”
The car was waiting for him when Yunho stepped off the plane. A man in a dark suit led him past security and opened the door, allowing the singer to slide into the back seat before anyone noticed him. Arms hugged him tightly before he could get settled and his stomach fluttered with excitement until he realized it was Junsu.
“It’s good to see you, hyung,” Junsu whispered, hugging Yunho tighter. “I’ve missed you.”
“You could always come back,” He teased then grew serious when Junsu’s smile faded. “No, I know. Things have gone too far. We have to wait to see how this settles down. I can wait. How are you?”
The car started and left the airport waiting lane. Junsu contemplated for a moment then said, “It’s good. We’re doing well… better than we thought we would.”
“You look good,” Yunho said. He hated to admit it but Junsu looked healthier than he’d ever seen the young man. Always delicate, Junsu’s voice was robust and strong, his customary rasp clear of any wheeze. “You sound good.”
“I’ve been writing music,” Junsu admitted shyly. “I’ve never felt like I was good enough but Yoochun and Jaejoong, they’re good at it. It’s nice to have them help me.”
“They’re creative,” He agreed with a nod. “I’m glad you’re feeling well. Tell me about this thing with Yoochun. I didn’t fly eight hundred miles to find out you’re fine. You should be a wreck. It would make me feel better.”
“You’re joking, yes?” Junsu gave a nervous laugh which turned into a belly-shaking guffaw at Yunho’s nod. “I can’t tell sometimes. Yes, Yoochun…ah…”
“Is he… ignoring you, Junsu?” Yunho pressed.
“Hyung,” He sighed, sitting back on the seat and crossing his legs. “Lately it’s been that I see him and my skin… grows too tight. It’s like I can’t keep myself inside. Or…I want…”
“You want him inside of you?” Yunho supplied and chuckled at Junsu’s fierce blush.
“Aish,” The singer hissed and ducked his head. “I can’t… It hurts sometimes, hyung. Sometimes I see him laugh with Jaejoong or they touch each other and I ache. I want to shove Jaejoong away — bury him someplace where Yoochun can’t find him — just long enough for me to… do something.. but I don’t know what.”
“Have they…” Yunho couldn’t bring himself to ask what was going through his mind. He didn’t want to think of Yoochun’s hands fisting the bedsheets as Jaejoong lay between his knees, the young man’s sinful mouth making short work of the baritone’s passions. “What have they done with one another? Do you know?”
“What difference does that make?” Junsu gaped, the red rising further up his face. “They… I see marks on Jaejoong’s body. On his neck. Small bruises that look like teeth marks and they sleep together sometimes as if I’m not in the room. I shouldn’t want this, hyung. I know I shouldn’t but there is something inside of me — something so dark that I can taste blood when I see Jaejoong’s hands on Yoochun’s body. Here is someone who helped me — cradled me when I was sick and broken and I want to see him hurt because of jealousy? That’s not something a man should want.”
“Neither is wanting another man, Junsu,” Yunho pointed out. “But here we are, both of us wanting other men. What hell do you think is worse? Wanting him to need you or you wanting Jaejoong dead? Is lust worse than murder? Or will God forgive us for either because our hearts are leading us down a path neither one of us want to take?”
“God will forgive me the murder, hyung,” Junsu said, nodding. “I’m more worried about Yoochun not forgiving me for killing his best friend.”
Yunho shook his head. “You have it bad. This is probably the worst idea you’ve ever had.”
“And you, hyung?” Junsu cocked his head. “Why are you helping me then?”
“Because like you, Susu-ah,” Yunho said, cupping the back of Junsu’s head with one hand and pulling him forward. “I’m in lust with someone I shouldn’t be and if I don’t convince him to come back to me, I’m going to have to kill him so no one else can have him.”
“Ah, that’s good then,” Junsu said. Leaning forward until his forehead touched Yunho’s, he grinned wildly. “I just have to wait until Jaejoong makes you made enough to kill him and I’ll have Yoochun all to myself. That shouldn’t take more than a few seconds. This will all be over by dinner.”
“And what of your three voices?” Yunho lifted his eyebrows.
“Ah, we can still have three. We’ll be YJY then,” He laughed at Yunho’s shocked look. “What? I’d like to be in the middle for a change.”
“Oh, little brother,” He laughed despite himself, hugging Junsu close. “You have no idea how much simpler your life would be if you really wanted to be in the middle. So much simpler.”