this is for bardou
Genre: It's complicated.
THIS IS TOTALLY AU FROM SMM. 100% off SMM. Not in any way related to So Much Mine, Lavender Bunny or anything else.
This probably will be some hardcore NC-17 or hell, maybe fluffy. I dunno.
Parts: One, Two
The knock on the door startled Yunho. Junsu left barely ten minutes ago and they’d talked themselves out. There wasn’t anything more either one of them could say. Tightening the strings on his loose cotton pants, Yunho padded out of the bathroom and headed to the door of his hotel suite.
Peering through the fish-eye peephole, Yunho’s stomach twisted and his heart shattered on the next beat.
He opened the door and his heart bled again, pumping a furious anguish through his body. With only air separating the two of them, Yunho stared at the lean young man who drove him insane.
“Can I come in?” Jaejoong asked. His Korean was formal, distant and cold. A flicker of something hot ran in his dark eyes, devoid of any contacts hiding their honey flecked depths. “Or do you want me to drop to my knees and suck you off in the hallway?”
“God, your mouth. Come in,” Yunho stepped aside. Jaejoong’ brushed against him, their bodies heating up instantly as they touched. Even through Jae’s t-shirt, Yunho could feel the other man’s warmth and smell the exotic green tea blush of his cologne. “How did you know I was here?”
“Susu-ah,” Jaejoong said, cocking his head to one side as he looked around the suite. “He’s predictable and the world’s worst liar.”
“True,” He agreed, closing the door. “So you followed him?”
“No, I guessed,” Jae replied. “If he was bringing his brother over, he’d have told us. There’s no one else I could think of. Besides, the hotel called to confirm his reservation.”
“That’s pretty bad.” Yunho silently cursed Junsu, wishing the younger man was better at covering his tracks. He walked over to the bar and grabbed two ice cold bottles of ume sake from the fridge, handing one to Jaejoong. “Why did you come then?”
“To see you.” Jaejoong reached out and grasped Yunho’s wrist, stepping into the curve of the man’s arm. “To see why you came. Are you here to bring us back home or did you just come to take what you wanted?”
“And what is it you think I want?” Yunho tilted his head down, brushing his cheek against Jae’s soft hair. Their mouths were close, their breaths mingling as they exhaled.
“Me. It’s what you’ve always wanted, even when you were fucking the others, you’ve only wanted me,” Jaejoong whispered and closed his mouth over Yunho’s, tilting his chin up as the man claimed Jae’s lips as his own.
Junsu died a little bit with each passing second and his chest ached with each beat of his heart.
Death came in small touches, lingering fingertips on Junsu’s skin. A bead of sweat falling was as sharp as a knife plunged deep into his heart, especially when Yoochun’s body writhed in a sensual twist around an invisible partner. The burn of want lit the dryness in Junsu’s mouth, searing his tongue and parching his throat. Swallowing did no good. His taste was lacking the salty sweetness of Yoochun’s release; something Junsu only could imagine in the darkest, deepest recesses of his mind.
“There,” Chun panted, bending over to rest his palms on his knees. “It’s hard to believe I can still remember those steps.”
“You practice as if we’re going…” Junsu looked down, unwilling to finish his thought.
“Like we’ll be alright,” Yoochun finished for him.
The baritone picked up a towel and wiped away the moisture on his forehead, tossing the cloth aside when he was done. Padding across the wood floor of their empty dining room, he approached the other man sitting on the back of the couch. Resting his hands on Junsu’s knees, Yoochun parted the singer’s legs and nested between them, sliding his stomach up against the other man’s body.
“We will be alright, Susu,” He whispered, bending over until his breath ghosted over Junsu’s ear. “All of us will be alright.”
Junsu shivered, aroused by the erotic maleness of Yoochun’s warm body fitted snugly between his knees and the promise in the man’s husky voice. He choked, caught on the air in his throat when Yoochun’s hands roamed up his thighs and then over his hips, the singer’s long fingers catching on the waistband of his shorts.
“Will we?” Junsu rasped, lowering his head until his mouth nearly brushed over Yoochun’s lips. A flick of his tongue wet the dry skin on his lower lip and he caught a taste of Yoochun when the other man shifted to bring his mouth closer. “Are we… alright? You and I? Sometimes…I feel like I can’t breathe because you haven’t exhaled yet. I don’t know what to do about this, Chunnie-ah.”
“About all of what?” Yoochun asked. He wrapped his arm around the young man’s waist and slowly slid his index finger past the tight elastic of Junsu’s basketball shorts. A brief sensual search of Junsu’s body found the young man’s cleft and Yoochun rubbed the pad of his finger at the base of Junsu’s spine, making lazy eights into the top of the crease.
“This.” Trapped on the couch by Yoochun’s body, Junsu shifted uncomfortably as his body responded to the other man’s masculine scent. The man smelled of musk and a hint of sweet spiced vanilla soap and the tenor couldn’t help but fill his lungs with Yoochun, holding it tight in his chest until his lungs pounded for release.
“This?” Yoochun whispered as he caught Junsu’s chin in his fingers. “What do you mean when you say this?”
“We… you and I… were so close. Sometimes I thought maybe even closer than…”
“Than Jaejoong and Yunho?” Yoochun filled in the emptiness in Junsu’s whisper. “We still are. Do you think I’ve thrown you aside like hyung did to Joongie-ah? How can you say that? Knowing how much Jaejoong hurts? How can you think that?”
“Sometimes…” Junsu closed his eyes against the pain crawling up his chest and into his throat. “Sometimes I feel when Yunho stepped away, you moved in to take his place.”
“And where is my place?” Yoochun’s fingers ghosted over Junsu’s throat, running a delicate circle. “Do you wish it was standing by you, Susu-ah? Do you miss having the smell of me on you as we sing?”
“I hate that you’re standing on Jaejoong’s right side,” He admitted, choking on his words. “I hate him standing between us. Sometimes I can’t even bear to feel the heat of his body next to mine because he’s not you.”
“You know why we moved.” The other man pulled back, staring into Junsu’s tear-stung eyes. “The world has to see us as a three. If we stood as we were, it would hurt the others. It would be as if we didn’t need them to find us again. It would be like we could just cut off the right side of our bodies and still be whole. None of us wanted that, especially you.”
“I know.” Junsu shook his head, remembering the anguish in Jaejoong’s cries when they’d stumbled off stage and there were only three people in their customary backstage hug. They weren’t whole. The sounds of their lives were changed, empty and echoing where deep rumbles and laughter should be. “It has to be different. I know that. I just… I just need you to be next to me again. At least sometimes. So I can feel you there. My world isn’t right without…you.”
“I am right here, babe,” Yoochun said, smiling the shy smile tugging at Junsu’s lips. “I didn’t go anywhere. I am always here for you. It’s just Jaejoong… he’s alone now. Yunho…”
“I know,” The other man replied, nodding. “I haven’t spoken to Yunho since…then.”
“Since we found out Yunho was fucking …him?” Yoochun said. “I could kill them for that. What the hell were they thinking? How could Yunho hurt Joongie-ah that way?”
“They didn’t…” Junsu closed his mouth and Yoochun’s fingers tightened on his face. The baritone forced the other man to look up, pulling on Junsu’s chin until their eyes met. “I don’t think they meant to hurt him.”
“What did you know and when, Susu?” Yoochun’s voice dropped, a raking deep purr edged with danger. “Did you know it was becoming something more than a good time between them? That Yunho had other plans besides having a few moments of pleasure?”
“No!” He twisted to release himself. “You know I never wanted Jaejoong to be hurt. I thought it would just…go away and I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Then everyone found out and things fell apart. Then I…”
Yoochun nodded curtly. “You were hurting.”
“I did this to us, Chunnie-ah,” He cried, catching his lip between his teeth. “If I’d been stronger or…”
“How strong would you have to have been, Junsu?” He pressed his palms against the other man’s cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe at the moisture forming on Junsu’s lashes. “They broke Jaejoong and told lies to the world with smiles on their face. They brought my mother and brother to Seoul, hoping that they could use them to keep me in line and you… look how much they took from you? You gave the company everything you had and still they wanted more from us. You would sing yourself mute for smile, pretty little duck. And they knew that. They used that. Just like they used your brother to hold onto you.”
“They shouldn’t have…not him,” Junsu murmured, his old anger surfacing. “Not Junho.”
“No, not Junho.” Yoochun agreed. His hands drifted up to cup Junsu’s hips, skimming his palms over the man’s sides. “You couldn’t go another day at that pace, Susu. It was killing you. It was killing me to watch you die in front of me. How could I stand by and let them do that to you?”
“So you went to Jaejoong,” He whispered. “And he went to hyung, hoping that Yunho would agree to stand with us. But he did, Chunnie. He did!”
“For a few days,” The man said, nodding. “Then he chose them over us. For whatever reason, babe, they were more important to him that the men he said were his brothers…and Jaejoong. But I am here for you, Susu-ah. Jaejoong and I knew it would be hard. We just didn’t know it would be this hard. I didn’t know it would be this hard. Not for Joongie. I never expected Yunho to…”
Yoochun couldn’t finish, keeping Jae’s anguish unspoken. Junsu murmured a comfort, laying his palms over Yoochun’s hands. “I should have spoken to you before this, Chunnie. I never should have let things get so bad inside of me.”
“I’m just… I don’t know how I feel.”
“Frustrated.” Junsu sighed, deflated. Resting his forehead on Yoochun’s collarbone, he closed his eyes, wishing away the pain needling up under his skin. “Everything got so complicated so quickly. One moment, we were five and then the next… “
“We were ghosts,” Yoochun said. “It’s as if we never existed for them.”
“And it hurts, Chunnie-ah.” He whispered, wishing he were brave enough to let his tongue slip out from between his lips and lick at the salted skin stretched over Yoochun’s throat. He only had enough courage in him to voice the fear wrapped around his heart. “And now I feel as if I’ve lost you as well.”
“You’ve not lost me, Susu-ah.”
“Then why don’t you…” Junsu couldn’t let his eyes drift open. He didn’t want to see the raw truth in Yoochun’s eyes or the twist of disappointment he’d feel in his heart when Yoochun’s smile faltered. “Then why don’t you touch me like you touch Jaejoong?”
Yoochun’s lips brushed over the pulse point on Junsu’s throat and the tenor’s heart leapt, pounding harder when the other man fit himself against the curve of Junsu’s body. The young man’s hands trembled, reaching to find a purchase on the baritone’s sleek body. Touching the length of Yoochun’s body enflamed his need, stretching his sex out in search of the other’s skin.
“Because you’re not Jaejoong,” Yoochun said softly. “And you never will be. He’s my soul, Junsu. I share everything with him because would never use anything against me.”
“I would never hurt you,” Junsu confessed.
“I know,” The man murmured, his voice hoarse and rough. “How could you think I’d toss you aside?”
“Jaejoong…” He stammered, tilting his head back and wondering if the fire burning in his belly would escape and they would both turn to ash from its heat.”
“Jaejoong is not here.” Yoochun corrected. “Do you want him to be? Do you want him here instead of me?”
“No!” The tenor gritted his teeth. “I don’t want him. Not… like…”
“Then Yunho? The other end of our five that used to anchor us then set us adrift like garbage? Is it his mouth you want on you?”
“Are you going to make me beg for this, Yoochun? Are you going to make me beg for you?”
“I should,” Yoochun admitted. “But I want something else instead and I should have done something about it a long time ago”
Their mouths finally touched, the briefest of skin against skin then Yoochun moved in closer, capturing Junsu’s chin with his other hand. The soft burr of Junsu’s downy jaw tickled Yoochun’s palm as he drank from Junsu’s sweet mouth. Mewling with need, the singer opened up to Yoochun’s teasing mouth, parting his lips under the other man’s tongue. Chun tasted Junsu lightly, skimming the tips of his teeth then darting in deeper until the tip of his tongue laved at the roof of Junsu’s mouth. A flick of his tongue rasped over the striations of the young man’s palate, tickling the sensitive skin then he went in deeper, closing his mouth tightly along Junsu’s pouting lips until he stole the singer’s breath.
Junsu’s hands trembled when he tangled his fingers into Yoochun’s soft hair. Carding through the black silk around the young man’s broad face, he reveled in its luxury, deeply inhaling the citrus scent of Yoochun’s shampoo and the musky sweetness of his sweaty body. A dark primal need rose from Junsu’s belly and he moaned, pressing against Yoochun’s long body until he thought he would break with the wanting of the man’s hands on him. The fingers playing at the cleft of his ass moved up and down, stroking the skin there until it burned and he instinctively thrust his hips up to meet Yoochun’s hand as it came back down. His body knew it needed something sharp and firm inside of it and the grinding of his hips brought a thickness to Yoochun’s crux that Junsu suspected would satisfy his longing.
“Yoochun!” Junsu gasped, needing air. “I need to know if…you’ve done this with…”
“Joongie?” Yoochun bit the soft silky place under Junsu’s ear, rolling the tender flesh between his teeth until he could almost feel his canines pierce the milky skin. “Have I done this to Jaejoong?”
Junsu didn’t know if he wanted the answer, not really. The enigmatic singer always stood between them, a phantom of sensual masculinity Junsu could never measure up to. Swallowing hard, he said, “Yes. Have you? Done…”
“I come in sometimes and you both smell like… sex and it feels like my stomach is being torn open. All of the acid in me burns and I can taste the sour in my throat.” Junsu gripped Yoochun’s shoulders, forcing himself to stare into the other man’s soulful eyes. “So I need to know, Yoochun… I need to know if when you’re done with me here…when you’re done doing all of the things I ache for you to do to me… are you going to go back to Jaejoong and do them to him too?”
Yoochun stared at the other man’s face, uncertainty clouding his expression. Taking a deep breath, he puffed his cheeks out and threw his head back, thinking of what to say.
“It’s complicated, Susu,” He started then stilled when Junsu stiffened in his arms. “Listen to me, babe. Stop and listen before you run off.”
“I don’t think I can…” Junsu’s lip beaded with a drop of blood as he bit hard to keep himself from crying. “I want things to go back to how they were. Before all of this happened… even if it killed me, at least it was just my body. I can’t take this killing my soul too.”
“Do you want me that much, Junsu? That you can’t share me with Jaejoong?”
“Yes,” He barely let the word free from his tongue when Yoochun sighed. “Is that so wrong, Chunnie-ah? I miss you. I miss having you near me. I miss waking up to you snoring and having the windows open so wide that I’m freezing and I have to crawl into your bed to get warm. I miss waking up and finding your arms around me and your nose buried between my shoulder blades. I miss talking to you and finding you smiling only for me. I miss having Yunho here because he would distract Jaejoong and we could be left alone and I miss standing next to you and hearing you sing because it felt like you were singing only for me. I miss that most of all.”
“Then I can’t do this, Susu-ah,” Yoochun stepped away, letting his hands drop to his side. “Because I can’t leave Jaejoong alone. Not now. Maybe not ever. You’re asking me to choose between you. I can’t do that.”
“You can!” Junsu gritted his teeth. “Damn it, you can! I’m not asking you to stop being his friend just….”
“Stop being his lover?” The baritone shook his head then raked his fingers through his hair. “I’m all he has left, Junsu. There’s no one else in his life he loves. What we do isn’t… it’s not romance. It’s comfort and … I make him feel alive, Susu-ah. When I touch him, he can forget about the pain he’s holding in. After everything that he’s done for you, the sacrifices he’s made for you and what’s happened since he stood up for you, I can’t believe you’d want him to suffer like that.”
“Suffer? Do you think he’s suffering, Yoochun? Do you think he suffers when he has to smell himself on you? Like I have to smell him on you? I don’t want Jaejoong. I don’t want what he has from you.” Junsu stepped forward, torn between punching Yoochun or shaking him. “I don’t want your comfort, Chunnie-ah. I want more, remember? I want your love.”
“Ah, Junsu…” Yoochun sighed. “You’re asking me to be in love with you. I don’t know if I can do that.”
“Why not?” He asked. The world blurred, watery and stinging then Junsu blinked, letting his tears fall. “What is so wrong with me wanting more than what Jaejoong has? For once, I’d like to come first. At least with you.”
“Because you knew Yunho was having sex with Dong-Wook and you never said anything,” Yoochun spat back. “You knew for months and you never said anything. In the middle of our world falling apart around us, you kept your mouth shut and let my best friend believe Yunho loved him when he was only being used for sex.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing with him now?”
“No,” Yoochun denied. “Now he’s consoling me because the man I was in love with tore us all apart. The man I wanted to tell for years that I loved chose to keep quiet when he needed to speak up. I don’t know if I can be in love with that man. I love you, Junsu. I love you deeply, babe but I just don’t know if I can ever be in love with you again.”