this is for bardou who wanted YooSu angst.
Rating: NC-17ish overall. The whole thing. This one maybe R?
Genre: It's complicated.
THIS IS TOTALLY AU FROM SMM. 100% off SMM. Not in any way related to So Much Mine, Lavender Bunny or anything else. This probably will be some hardcore NC-17 or hell, maybe fluffy. I dunno.
Parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Se7en (heh), Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen
“Do you think they’re talking?” Junsu stared up at the ceiling, watching the shadows dance along the molding.
They’d shoved their beds together, giggling like little boys with the thrill of their intimacy. Fitting the beds into the corner, Yoochun had locked down the frames’ wheels so the large sleeping area wouldn’t move, telling Junsu to test it out. The tenor flung himself on the bed, landing on his stomach then rolling over, satisfactorily getting his body to bounce on the mattress a few times from the effort.
Grabbing the pillows off of the floor, Yoochun caught himself staring through their open bedroom door and into Jaejoong’s room across the hall. With the curtains drawn shut and the skies beyond a deep dove grey, the room drowned in its silence.
Jaejoong is alone. Yoochun stood, his eyes burning with tears. He chose us. Chose to save me and Junsu over everything else. It’s not fair that he’s alone.
“What are you thinking about, Chunnie-ah?” Junsu flipped over onto his stomach and rested his chin on his folded hands. He followed Yoochun’s gaze and his spirits dropped slightly. “I worry about them too. Yunho is miserable without Jaejoong.”
“Yunho shouldn’t have lied to him,” Yoochun said, tossing the pillows onto the bed before closing the door. He told himself it was to give them privacy in case the other two members came home but in the depths of his heart, he needed to close himself off to the anguish he knew haunted the room across the hall.
“Yunho…” Junsu bit back his words before he angrily defended his leader. “Yunho hurts too. He lied to… help us. He thought that he was doing the right thing.”
“What do they say? Road to hell is paved with good intentions?”
“I never know what they meant by that.” He shrugged and tucked a pillow under his chin, watching his lover fold the blankets they’d kicked to the floor.
There was a soft ache to his body, pleasantly painful when he shifted and Junsu smiled a little as it felt as if Yoochun was still in him when he moved. He’d wanted more… even telling Yoochun so but the other man shook his head, saying they should go slowly so neither one of them hurt too much.
“There’s time for us,” Yoochun said as he maneuvered the mattresses back onto the frame. “We will have all the time between sunrises, sunsets and midnights to explore what we like. No need to rush in. Better to enjoy than regret.”
Junsu agreed, murmuring his assent but secretly felt he could have used a little more enjoyment and dealt with the regrets if and when they came.
“And do I think they’re talking?” Yoochun climbed onto the bed next to Junsu, stretching out next to his lover’s body. “I hope so. I’d like them to but can they…fix this?”
“I don’t know,” Junsu admitted. “But shouldn’t love… their love… make everything okay?”
“Love is a glue, Susu-ah,” Yoochun turned so their noses were nearly touching and he cuddled closer, fitting his side against Junsu’s prone form. “Not a miracle.”
“It should…be magical,” Junsu sighed. “They should have magic.”
“Then they’ll have to make it themselves,” He said, kissing the corner of Junsu’s mouth then licking the small beauty spot over his lip. “No one can love without having to work for it. Yunho and Jaejoong… they just have to work harder than the rest of us.”
“That’s not…fair.” Junsu sighed, threading his fingers through Yoochun’s long hair. “It’s… They deserve more.”
“They do, baby,” Yoochun agreed, sliding his mouth over Junsu’s for a kiss. “They really do.”
“I can’t believe we still don’t have electricity.” Changmin peered out of the window, watching the storm eat away the sunlight.
“I can.” Se7en reached over and tugged at Min’s waistband, nearly yanking the boxers from his lean hips.
“This is one of the biggest coastal cities.” He let himself be pulled back to the bed, falling onto the mattress with a soft bounce. “It should have a wide infrastructure…”
“I can’t believe you know words like infrastructure,” He teased, rolling over Min and trapping him against the bed. “What other in- words do you know?”
“You have a filthy mind.” He grinned up at the other man, his heart lightened despite being trapped in the storm’s wake. “I think I like that about you.”
“Is that all you like?” Se7en shifted, resting his knees on either side of Min’s legs until his hips ground into the man’s crotch. “Because if it is, then I’ve got some work to do.”
The wince was slight but it was enough to pull Se7en back. Changmin grabbed at his lover’s hips, holding him firmly before he could slip away.
“Don’t go,” Min whispered. “Please. I’m just tender. You probably are too.”
“I’m made of sterner stuff, giraffe.” Se7en grinned, kissing Min on the lips with a resounding pop. His mood turned serious and he cupped Min’s cheek. “I don’t ever want you to feel like you have to… give it up to me to get me to stay. Okay?”
“Okay.” Another kiss made Se7en moan and Min joined him, humming against the man’s mouth. He shifted, seemingly uneasy and Min pushed himself up, resting on one elbow.
“What?” Min poked. Se7en winced when the young man found his ticklish spot then yelped as Min’s finger jabbed again. “Tell me. What haven’t you told me?”
“Well, it’s about Jaejoong…”
A corner street vendor had a black hoodie Jaejoong approved of and Yunho dug out his wallet to pay for it and a beanie he could shove down over his brow. The tightly packed line of kiosks were mostly filled with knock-offs and pirated copies of music and movies. Yunho wasn’t certain how he felt about seeing his own music alongside of the three’s efforts.
No, He thought. I know exactly how it feels. Like someone I still love kissing someone else in front of me.
Shaking out as much of the rain as he could, Yunho pulled the grey knit cap and followed the other man down the stairs to a subway station. The silence between them was tight, a tender thing fragilely binding them together. The metal stairs clanged as they took the steps in twos and the station entrance opened up to a long dim expanse of white tile and benches running the length of the wall. Thick cement columns were spaced out evenly through the space and Jaejoong stalked past the pillars, heading to one of the seating areas set as far from the entrance as possible.
Yunho hurried to catch up, clasping his hand on his head when a train rushed into the station, its brakes screaming as the segmented vehicle slid to a stop. Small waves of people exited, hurriedly pouring up to the surface but the station son emptied, leaving Jaejoong and Yunho with a squat older man sitting near the stairs and seemingly counting the cracks in the tiles on the wall.
“Damn thing.” Jaejoong kicked at one of the vending machines tucked into the corner, dislodging a tall cup stuck in the chute. Rattling into place, the machine clasped the paper cup and began to fill it to the brim with hot black coffee. Stabbing a few buttons, Jae added creamer and liquid sweetener to the mix, removing the full cup from behind the machine’s plastic shield. Handing the coffee to Yunho, he fed the machine again, fist poised over the chute in case it needed additional coaxing.
Yunho sipped thankfully at the coffee, feeling the heat seep down into his bones. The satay they’d eaten no longer occupied his stomach and the bittersweet brew gurgled in the emptiness it found there. Going through his wallet, Yunho found enough money to purchase a large packet of chocolate-dipped Pocky. Tearing open the top of the bag, he sat down next to Jaejoong, holding it towards the singer.
“Do you want some?”
Taking out a single biscuit, Jae began to nibble off the chocolate, concentrating on drinking his coffee. Another train screamed through the station, passing by them without stopping. The old man at the other end of the station didn’t look up from his counting, continuing to mumble to himself as the lights dimmed from the train’s passing.
“You and I,” Yunho said, dipping a cookie into his coffee. “We need to talk.”
“I know.” Jae looked down at his hands, picking at a nail with a pinch of his fingers. “I just don’t want to.”
“What are we going to do? About us, I mean.” The lights near the back of the station weren’t as bright as near the entrance and they were mostly hidden, situated behind one of the large columns. Yunho was thankful for the privacy, more so since Jaejoong’s hood had fallen down and the young man’s pretty face was exposed for anyone to see. Despite the satay worker spotting him, he had no doubts it would be Jaejoong’s beauty that would attract attention.
“Is there an us?” Jae asked, turning on the bench so he faced Yunho. Leaning back against the corner, the white tile framed him, a splash of light catching his face as he drew his knees up to cross his legs. “Tell me, Yunho, is there an us?”
“I want there to be,” He admitted, turning the cup in his hands. “I… feel empty without you. Even if I can’t have you near me, knowing that you’re mine… makes me whole inside.”
“And things like… Se7en?” Jae prodded, nudging Yunho’s leg with his foot. “And Junsu?”
“Nothing happened with Junsu or Dong-Wook.”
“Not now, no.” He pursed his mouth, making a moue and stared up at the ceiling. “What about from before? You and Junsu…”
“Fuck,” Yunho bit down on his cheek, nearly crushing his cup. “That…How the hell?”
“Yoochun found out about it,” Jae said, pulling his foot back when Yunho reached for it. “You don’t lie to me but you don’t tell me the truth. What’s worse? You tell me.”
“Junsu and I… nothing happened then. Nothing happened now,” He growled, trying to keep his temper in check. “There’s never been anyone but you. Hell, Jaejoong, there not been anyone after you!”
Jaejoong dropped his gaze, staring at Yunho with dark, unreadable eyes. The full mouth Yunho loved to kiss twisted, pain curling his lips as he said, “But see, Yunho-ah, I can't say that. Because there’s been someone else since you.”