this is for bardou who wanted YooSu angst.
Rating: NC-17ish overall. The whole thing. This one maybe R?
Genre: It's complicated.
THIS IS TOTALLY AU FROM SMM. 100% off SMM. Not in any way related to So Much Mine, Lavender Bunny or anything else. This probably will be some hardcore NC-17 or hell, maybe fluffy. I dunno.
Parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Se7en (heh), Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen
Hot coffee splashed over the white tiles, a steamy wave of creamy brown hitting the wall and Jaejoong’s face. The young man jerked away, pulling his knees up to protect himself when Yunho grabbed him by the arms, wrenching him forward. The empty cup flew, hitting the floor before rolling up against a nearby column.
Jaejoong’s fists came up but Yunho held him tight, blocking him with his elbows. Jae jerked his head back, nearly hitting the wall but the pulled back hood of his jacket cushioned him against the hard tile. Pissed, he cried out and kicked out at Yunho’s legs and stomach with his feet and knees but Yunho wouldn’t let him go. The leader grunted but absorbed the blows, ignoring the outraged shouts.
Further down, the older man looked up at the fracas but returned to his counting, ignoring the young men at the other end of the station. Another train passed, dimming the lights nearly to pitch and the screaming sounds of the rails drowned out anything either one of them might have said.
Yunho stood, dragging Jaejoong up to his feet, keeping him pinned against the wall. The leader lifted him up, raising Jae up until he dangled a few inches off of the floor. His muscles bulging with the effort of holding up his ex-lover, Yunho’s body taut with his fury and he leaned in closer to Jae’s face, digging his fingers into the singer’s arms.
“Who the fuck is it?” Yunho’s breath was hot on Jae’s face, scented with rage and coffee. “Who the fuck did you let touch you?”
It didn’t matter to Yunho that they’d been apart. In his heart… in his mind, they’d never been separated and the thought of another man’s hands on Jaejoong’s body infuriated him. The station faded around them. Nothing existed in that moment but the shaken young man he held pinned and the cracks in his heart as the pain seeped up from his belly and into his soul.
The anger in Jae’s face steadied Yunho but the pain in his eyes broke the leader apart. He caught the sob in his throat before it could escape and rested his forehead against Jaejoong’s heaving chest. Sliding the young man to the floor, Yunho kept his grip on Jae’s arms, unsure if he could trust himself — or Jaejoong — if he let go.
“Just tell me… please,” Yunho begged, his face buried in the crook of Jae’s neck and shoulder. “Kim Hyun Joong? Dong-Wook? One of your Japanese friends? God, Jaejoong… what you do to me. Just tell me who it is.”
“I don’t know.” Yunho went stiff with shock when Jaejoong touched the hair at his temple that poked out of the beanie. “I don’t know who he was, Yunho. I wish it weren’t true but it is.”
“What about Jaejoong?” Changmin sat up, nearly throwing Se7en off of the bed. “Did… you do something with him?”
“I didn’t,” Se7en protested, sliding back over the bed to cuddle up against his lover’s taut form. Stroking at Min’s shoulder, he ducked his head to catch Min’s eye. “I promise. I didn’t do anything with him.”
“Someone else did,” Se7en said, his eyes softening at the memory. “I don’t know who. Not really.”
“What do you mean, not really?” Min’s eyebrows knitted together, his temper rising as quickly as the storm outside of their room. “What do you mean you don’t know who?”
“I mean I don’t know who was with him,” He admitted. “But I know he’s afraid that Yunho won’t touch him now.”
“How do you know this?” The bed swayed slightly as Changmin pushed Se7en’s shoulder. “What the hell is Jaejoong hiding?
“I know this because I was coming out of one of the clubs near Itaewon and I found him in the alleyway.” Se7en grabbed Min’s wrist before the young man could push him again. “Listen to me, Minku. He was… something… someone happened to him. He was bleeding… badly enough that I wanted to take him to the hospital but he refused. He didn’t want to… he didn’t want the others… all of you to find out about it. He didn’t want what happened to affect you. But I can tell you, Minku, it affected him. It affected him very badly.”
“What happened?” Yunho sat down next to Jaejoong, handing him a fresh cup of steaming coffee.
He didn’t trust himself to touch the singer trembling next to him but after a moment, he couldn’t hold back and gathered Jaejoong into his arms, turning to support himself on the wall . The singer resisted slightly but eventually slid back into the curve of Yunho’s torso, his legs pulled up against his chest. Holding the cup with both hands, he stared down into the coffee as if it held all the answers to the universe.
“God, this life we lead. It’s insane. We’re insane. Normal people don’t live like this. Normal people don’t love like this.” Yunho buried his face into the man’s hair, inhaling the sweet-bitter scent of the soap they’d used at the noodle shop. Only a few hours past and their teasing camaraderie seemed a distant memory. “Talk to me, Joongie-ah. Tell me the truth. All of it.”
“I tried.” Jaejoong’s voice trembled, breaking apart as he spoke.
“Tried what, baby?” Yunho tightened his hold on Jae’s body, rocking the man slightly. The subway faded again, becoming an ocean of white tile and murmured Japanese announcements over the station speakers.
“I tried to get the company to take us back or… at least, work with us,” Jaejoong admitted. Reaching down to set the coffee cup down on the floor, he sighed then buried his face into his hands. His tears hit when Yunho’s hands stroked his arms and when the man’s lips touched his neck, Jaejoong let go and began to cry in earnest, letting his sorrow break loose. Yunho caught him up, turning him until the singer was cradled in his lap.
The anguish hit Jaejoong in waves, starting and stopping his hiccupping sobs as he tried to gain some control over himself. Murmuring, Yunho held him, stroking at his hair and rubbing at his back until the pain receded enough for Jaejoong to speak.
“I contacted…” Jaejoong shook his head, still shaky. “I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing. I thought maybe if I could talk to someone. Make them listen to me. Let us… be together again. It’s breaking me apart, Yunho-ah. I look to the left of me and all I see is Yoochun. I want to tell him, step back into place. Get back to where you belong. I can’t see Yunho. But then he moves…and you’re not there and my heart… it just breaks. I can’t do… I’m not strong enough, Yunho. I’m not.”
“You’re one of the strongest people I know, baby,” Yunho reassured him. “What happened? Who do I have to kill?”
“You can’t… kill anyone,” Jae said, shaking his head. Cradled in Yunho’s lap, the darkness inside of him faded, leaving only the man’s warmth in his soul. “Then who would take care of Min?”
“Min?” Yunho snorted. “Min is the last person I worry about. Who would take care of you?”
They grew silent, both keenly aware Yunho was not there when Jaejoong needed him to be. Biting back his temper, Yunho wrapped Jae up tightly in his arms, pressing his cheek against Jae’s face.
“I should have been there, Joongie,” Yunho whispered, his tears mingling with Jae’s on the man’s soft skin. “I should have… stopped…I still should do…something!”
“What can you do, Yunho?” Jae asked, wiping at his face where he could reach. “I went there to that club. The manager, not ours…not yours… the head one, he told me to meet him in Itaewon, near one of the restaurants.”
“Joongie,” Yunho hissed, his anguish turning to anger. “You know he’s…”
“Powerful,” Jaejoong interjected. “Influential.”
“A pervert,” Yunho snapped back then instantly regretted his choice of words. “Not like… Joongie, you know I don’t mean…us. I mean…”
“He likes younger ones, remember?” Jaejoong shifted and looked up into Yunho’s eyes. “I…avoided him when we first started…when I was a trainee. Maybe it was because of that he didn’t… he didn’t want to help us?”
“What did he do, baby?” The anger returned with a healthy dose of fear and Yunho felt his stomach clench up as Jae turned his face away from Yunho’s gaze. Gripping the man’s chin in his palm, he turned Jae’s head until he could see the man’s expression. “Tell me what he did to you, Joongie-ah.”
“He didn’t do anything,” Jaejoong shook off Yunho’s fingers but leaned in closer against the man’s shoulder. “I showed up and there were… other men there. Some of them were older but others were… more like me. I think one was about Min’s age. He boasted that he could get me there, Yunho. He boasted to his friends that I was there because of him. So powerful, he said. He was so powerful he could make me crawl to him like a beaten dog.”
“He uses people, that one,” Yunho said. “You knew that. Why did you go?”
“Because he promised he could help me. That he would help us. I had to take that chance.”
Yunho thought of the stories he’d heard about the man they were talking about. The whispers of his behaviour were ugly, traumatic tales of abuse and sexual harassment and Yunho shuddered at the thought of Jaejoong spending any time with him.
“What did he do, Jaejoong?”
“There was something in what I was given to drink.” His shrug was nonchalant but his eyes were steeped in pain. “When I woke up, I was in another room and… another man, someone I didn’t know was on top of me….trying to get in me. It hurt and I moved, hurting myself but I didn’t care. I wanted to get away from him. I wasn’t going to let him take… steal what is yours.”
“Joongie-ah,” Yunho trailed off. “That’s… God baby.”
“I kicked him in the balls, bit him too I think.” Jae grinned despite his anguish. “I gave as good as I got. He probably won’t be using his dick over the next few years.”
“I’m sure you did, baby.” He kissed Jae’s temple. “Did you…get away? How?”
“I grabbed someone’s pants. I don’t know whose. But there were a lot of other men there, doing things in the next room.”
He grew serious, sobering at the memory of that night. “I ran. And I hit anyone who tried to stop me. I turned the corner and then through a door and I was outside. I didn’t have any money. Hell, I didn’t even have my phone and the… blood… it was soaking through the cotton.”
“How… baby, you…” Yunho wished he’d been there. At least in the beginning so he could have skinned everyone in that room.
“Se7en found me,” Jaejoong said, looking away from his ex-lover’s probing eyes. “And helped me get away from there.”
“So he knew? About all of this?” Yunho’s rage returned and he gritted his teeth at the secrets his friend kept from him.
“I told him… I asked him not to tell you.” He reached for the cup, sipping at the cooling coffee before offering it to Yunho to drink. The leader shook his head in refusal and motioned for Jaejoong to continue.
“I was ashamed.” He shrugged. “I didn’t think… you’d want to touch me ever again. Not after that. Not after doing that.”
“You didn’t do that,” Yunho protested. “That…this thing that happened to you… you didn’t cause it. You didn’t ask for that.”
“No, I didn’t,” Jae agreed. “But I couldn’t go to you…not with that man’s touch on me. Not with his… seed on me. How could I go to you with that on me?”
“Same way as you come to me with anything else,” Yunho whispered, kissing the young man’s ear. “I’m not saying I’m perfect but I will always be here for you. Be the one you can come to. Come with. I love you, Kim Jaejoong. Nothing will change that. Nothing.”
“Yours, Yunho,” Jaejoong murmured, unsure and unsteady. “I’m yours, if you still want me.”
“Want you, baby?” Yunho turned Jae’s face and gently brushed his mouth the young man’s tear-swollen eyes before capturing his full lips in a deep kiss.
It was sweet, bitter-salty only from their tears and then sweet again, their mouths lingering on one another’s and their tongues tasting the exotic flavours they’d long missed. Sighing into Yunho’s mouth, Jaejoong turned to face him, hooking his legs over the man’s thighs until their stomachs met and Jaejoong could wrap his arms around the man’s neck.
“Do you? Want me?” Jae whispered, fear fluttering in his gut. The answer would either make him soar or fall apart. He no longer cared, anything to stop the numbness icing over his heart.
“Without you, I might as well be dead. Nothing else in this life… this world matters without you.” His smile was tender and bright, despite the flickering of the station’s overhead lights. “I don’t just want you. I need you to live.”