this is for bardou who wanted YooSu angst.
Rating: This Section is NC-17 (LEMON)
Genre: It's complicated.
THIS IS TOTALLY AU FROM SMM. 100% off SMM. Not in any way related to So Much Mine, Lavender Bunny or anything else. This probably will be some hardcore NC-17 or hell, maybe fluffy. I dunno.
Parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Se7en (heh), Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen
Considering how far they’d come up in the world, the tiny traditional Japanese inn would have been considered a fall from grace by most people. To Yunho and Jaejoong, the ryokan with its segregated private rooms and wooden construction was a comfort, an oasis in the bustle of Tokyo’s heart.
The woman at the desk barely blinked when they’d asked for one room and she nodded pleasantly when Yunho asked for something private. The room they’d been given was spacious by inn standards, nearly large enough to hold three double futon and with sliding shoji windows that opened up to look down on a courtyard garden below. The soft scent of lemon oil permeated the room, its antique wooden paneling glistening from devoted care. A silkscreen print dominated one wall of the room, an oddly painted portrait of ancient Japan and two women. Yunho studied it as he took off the slippers the house provided for use in its halls.
Then slammed his head against the door frame when he realized the women were in flagrante delicto, the folds of their illustrated kimono artistically arranged to conceal most of their bodies but leaving other areas deftly exposed.
“This is a love hotel?” Yunho rubbed his temple, feeling a small bump rising near his hairline.
“It’s out of the rain and warm. Does it matter if it is?” Jae briefly looked over his shoulder at the man before returning his attention to the water-soaked courtyard a story below them. “They’re known to be discreet. If anyone recognizes us, no one will say anything.”
“You, they’d recognize. I think I’m safe.” The bitterness in Yunho’s voice was jarring, an odd inflection in the normally confident man’s tone. He shut the door behind him, closing their corner room off to the rest of the hotel.
“We both made choices,” Jaejoong pointed out.
“I couldn’t…” Yunho sighed and stared up at the ceiling, trying to get a hold of his emotions. “I have a filial duty… you know that.”
“I know.” His voice was a soft whisper, barely audible over the rain. “Duty. You are always the dutiful son.”
It was an old argument between them, one Yunho didn’t want to continue but Jaejoong refused to let it go. He came up behind the singer, the tatami flooring rough on his bare feet. When he put his hands on Jae’s shoulders, the young man stiffened at his touch then relaxed before leaning back against Yunho’s chest.
“I know,” Jae exhaled, tilting his head back until he touched Yunho’s shoulder. “Your family. The company. You owe them your… allegiance.”
“I owe you too,” Yunho said, kissing the length of Jae’s neck. “I don’t forget you.”
“But you can’t choose me over them,” He reminded the other man. Lifting his fingers to Yunho’s mouth, Jae stopped the other man’s protests. “I don’t expect you to. We’re…Korean.”
Jaejoong was sophisticated enough to know he made no sense to someone outside of their culture or region. As distanced as he was from being traditionally Korean, he knew in his gut Yunho could not be separated from what he thought was his duty. Following his father’s wishes — and ultimately the company’s — was his duty; even if he loved Jaejoong with all of his heart, he couldn’t turn his back on his ingrained traditions.
If he did, he would not be the Yunho Jaejoong loved.
He shivered when Yunho reached for the hem of his shirt and shuddered when the man’s fingers ghosted around his ribs and stomach before pulling the hoodie slowly from his body. Lifting his arms, Jaejoong remained still while Yunho tugged the sleeves from his hands then tossed the garment to the floor.
The man’s lips touched the skin between his shoulder blades, the tip of his tongue tracing the gothic black letters Jaejoong tattooed there years ago in an act of defiance of his staid culture.
I don’t care what other people think! Jaejoong screamed at Yunho when he’d come back to the members’ apartment, fully inked and proud of the pain he’d etched into his skin. I’ve earned the right to wear this name. No one is going to take this away from me. Not now. Not ever.
At the time, Yunho didn’t understand. If he were honest with himself, he’d admit he still didn’t understand all of it but that was typical of anything to do with Jaejoong. He’d been worried about how others would react to the tattoo and how people would shun Jaejoong because of it. His family, their fans and most importantly, the management.
If he were really honest — Yunho whispered in the middle of the night in the darkness where no one else could hear him — he would admit he was worried about how Jaejoong’s choices would reflect on him as well.
The managers weren’t pleased about Jae’s choices and he defied them still, despite once agreeing to remove piercings he’d been told would damage their image.
Fuck them, Jaejoong pushed back, angry when Yunho grabbed him in an attempt to make the young singer listen to him. As soon as they’re done with us, they’re going to toss us aside. The only chance of us surviving… of making it.. is if people love us… if people respect us. How do you think I’m going to get respect from other people when I don’t respect myself? When I don’t respect myself enough to be myself?
At the time, Yunho thought the tattoo — and Yoochun’s as well — would be the end of them. Instead, he discovered Jaejoong, even at his most distracted, was far more insightful to how the world worked than Yunho gave him credit for.
The wings were beautiful. Stark and simplistic and most definitely Jaejoong. Of the ink he’d shoved under his skin, Yunho loved his wings the most and took care to cover each with a rain of butterfly kisses. When the other man tried to face him, Yunho stopped him by gripping his hips to keep from turning.
“Stay there. I’m not done cherishing you yet.”
The quickening of Jae’s spine was another spot Yunho loved to taste and he took his time, crouching down to lave at the roman numerals there. He traced each line, swallowing the secrets Jaejoong put there. Their first real kiss, the first time they’d had sex — Yunho thought as he skimmed his fingers over the letters — and the first time he’d told Jaejoong he loved him.
Hidden for all the world to see.
Reaching forward, he cupped the man’s hardening sex, feeling Jaejoong’s length in his palm. He missed the squirming excitement Jae had when being made love to, especially now when the melancholy dug its claws in deep and the singer couldn’t seem to shake himself free, Yunho’s mouth and hands opened up an escape for the man’s troubled soul.
“Yun-ah,” Jae murmured, resting his palms on the wall to steady himself. “Please…”
He didn’t say anything as he stood up and reached over the man’s shoulder to slide the window shut. Wrapping his fingers in Jae’s, he led the man over to the wide futon mattress set against the wall, the painted ladies staring off into the distance, their expressions an mixture of excitement and bliss.
“I didn’t…” Yunho stopped, looking slightly panicked. “I should have stopped…”
“They will have those things here,” Jae said, climbing onto the bed and laying back against the pillows. “Another good reason to come to a place like this.”
“An excellent reason to come to a place like this,” Yunho agreed. “Especially if you’re here with me.”
Laid out on the bed and half naked, Jaejoong stretched his arms up over his head before reaching slowly down to pop the top button of his jeans. Standing at the edge of the futon, Yunho stared down at the man he loved and walked away from, wondering if he would ever be free of the addiction he seemed to have for the singer and even if he could be, would he want to?
Yunho shed his shirt and cast it aside, keeping his eyes on the lanky young man on the bed. He knew this man’s body… more than he knew his own.
Crawling up the bed, Yunho placed his knees on either side of Jaejoong’s thighs, effectively trapping the man. Bending his head down, he licked at the tiny scars mottling Jae’s ribs, remnants of a young clumsy boy falling on a bottle. He moved over, taking his time to savour the salty sweetness of his lover’s skin, teasing at the piece of skin around the man’s navel where a belly stud nested. He played with the ball there, rolling it over his tongue and against his teeth, all the time sliding his hand up and down Jaejoong’s crotch.
“Yunho,” Jaejoong moaned, fisting his hands into his lover’s hair. He tried reaching for the man’s shoulders but Yunho pushed him away.
“No, let me. It’s been too long since I’ve tasted you. Lie back, baby, and just hold on.”
It was torture to not take the man into his mouth but Yunho forced himself to continue. Denying his base urges, he instead explored Jaejoong’s torso, pressing his lips to each ridge of muscle along the man’s stomach. The centre line of Jae’s body took him up to the man’s dipped in breast bone, Jae’s chest heaving with the effort of keeping still under Yunho’s exploring mouth.
His hips lifted, fitting his sex into Yunho’s grasp and the man tightened his grip around Jae, rubbing at the rough denim until he could feel the leak of Jae’s want through the fabric. His mouth closed over Jaejoong’s right nipple, flicking his tongue on the nub before catching it between the jut of his teeth. The point responded, tightening up as Yunho wet it and suckled, rubbing at the nipple tip with his tongue. He caught it against the rough edge of his front teeth, working its line into the slight space between bite.
Jaejoong groaned, crying out his lover’s name in a murmuring fall of words and desire. Unable to deny himself, he stroked at Yunho’s shoulders, grasping the man’s back with a fevered want. His nails scraped at Yunho’s skin, marking the man with long red furrows. The cool air hit Yunho’s exposed flesh and he hissed, increasing the pressure he had on Jaejoong’s nipple until the singer released him.
“You already are under my skin, baby,” Yunho whispered around Jae’s tortured nipple. “No need to try to crawl under there.”
“I can’t… this is too much, Yunnie-ah.” Jaejoong bit his lower lip and threw his head back, his mouth falling open. Sweat glistened on his neck and shoulders, a drop beading down his chest only to be captured by Yunho’s tongue.
“Do you want me, BooJae?” Yunho asked, kissing up Jae’s chest and licking at the rosé-splash mark under his jaw. He played with the popped button, letting his knuckled brush against the soft skin of Jae’s underbelly. The faint tickle of hair he felt on his fingers excited him, catching Jae’s musky sweet scent of on his skin.
Yunho turned his attention to Jae’s other nipple, taking as much time teasing and torturing it as he had its twin. Suckled until it grew painfully hard, the nipple reddened and peaked and Jaejoong cried out, grasping at Yunho’s head, unsure if he should pull the man from his chest or hold him there.
“Wait here, baby,” Yunho mumbled, pulling free of Jae’s nipple with a moist pop. “Let’s find out what this place has to offer us.”
The small stacked boxes set next to the bed held what Yunho needed and he grabbed a bottle of lubricant. Tossing it onto the bed, he stopped short and carefully selected a square foil packet. Crawling back over the bed, he lay next to Jae’s glistening body and kissed the man’s shoulder.
“Do we need this?” Yunho asked, hating the words he felt he was forced to say. “I… want you to feel safe. I…”
“I… haven’t…” Jaejoong whispered, a flush spreading over his cheeks. “He didn’t… at least I don’t think so but I … had them test me. Just in case.”
“Tell me that he…” Yunho cupped the back of Jae’s head, leaning into kiss his lover’s mouth with a tenderness forged deep in his heart. “Tell me he didn’t hurt you… in any way, baby.”
“No, I’m… I’ve been tested twice. Both times came back clean.” Jae’s eyes were troubled and his lower lip twisted between his teeth. “But I’d understand if…”
Yunho flicked the packet away, not watching to see where it landed. “No, I… trust you. Implicitly.”
Yunho rose and reached for Jaejoong, his eyes never leaving the man’s face. The man’s fingers found Jae’s zipper and gripped the tab, inching it down over the fullness beneath it. Trapped against Jae’s body, his sex pearled and snuck out of the top of his underwear. Sliding his hands around to the back of Jae’s jeans, he tugged and lifted the man up, drawing the pants off his legs.
He took a moment to stare down at his now nude lover, drinking in the sight of Jae’s long body laid out before him. He knew each inch, every scrape and scar the man bore and his dreams often were filled the scent of the man’s skin and the sound of his laughter. Splayed open and raw, Jaejoong was everything Yunho never envisioned but found a nirvana in anyway.
He lacked imagination, Yunho decided, and Jaejoong was his door to dreams untold.
Jaejoong took the bottle of oil from Yunho’s hand, unsnapping its lid and releasing the sweet scent of almond into the room’s air. While his lover watched, crouched and achingly hard as Jaejoong coated his own fingers. Lifting up onto his knees, he bent forward until their shoulders almost touched. Arching back, he slid the tip of his fingers into himself, running the oil around his entrance as Yunho watched/
Captivated and aroused at his lover prepared himself for their time together, Yunho took the bottle from Jaejoong and eased his arm around the man’s torso, lowering Jae to the bed. His fingers slid free and he moaned, missing the pressure but needing Yunho more.
“Let me finish, baby,” Yunho said, breathing into Jaejoong’s mouth before he kissed him. “Or maybe I should say, let me get you started.”
It took Yunho longer than he liked to get his pants off, struggling to free his feet from the legs of his jeans. Throwing the offending garment aside, he pounced on Jaejoong, rolling the man over until Jae straddled his hips. Running his thumb over the slit of Jae’s sex, Yunho spread the dampness he found there around the crown then licked the pad clean, swallowing Jae’s seed.
“I love you,” Yunho whispered, reaching up to cup Jae’s face. “Through everything, I have loved you.”
“I know,” Jae replied, bending forward to kiss his lover, covering the man’s hands with his own. “I love you too.”
Straightening, Jaejoong reached behind him, grasping Yunho firmly in his oil slick fingers. Concern knitted Yunho’s eyebrows together and he reached for the bottle, opening its lid. His sex nudged at Jae’s opening and the young man reached under his lover, touching Jae’s hand.
“Wait, baby,” Yunho murmured. “I want to make sure you’re ready. It’s been so long… for both of us, yes?”
Jae’s trembling pout and wide eyes told Yunho all he needed to know. The young singer was barely holding in his tears, feeling for the first time the deep trust his lover had for him. Nodding, he leaned forward and coated his fingers.
“Cover mine too,” Yunho softly ordered. “Let me… share you.”
Running his hand over Yunho’s long fingers to spread the oil between them, Jaejoong ducked his head down, the fall of his hair drowning most of his face in shadow. Reaching up to brush his thumb over his lover’s delectable mouth, Yunho smiled when the man bit lightly at the invading finger before sucking the pad into his warm mouth.
He pushed two fingers into Jae’s heat, gasping when the velvet tightness closed in around him. Murmuring softly for Jaejoong to join him, Yunho held his breath as his lover slid his middle finger into himself, pressing Yunho’s intrusive thrust aside. The stretch made Jaejoong arch his back and the motion drove Yunho’s fingers in deeper, skimming at the sensitive spot hidden inside of the young singer.
Unable to stop himself, Jae began to rock his hips, straining to find that explosive spot again. Yunho pushed upwards, burying himself up to his palm and craned his fingers back, enjoying the shocked expression on Jae’s face when he found the seat of the man’s pleasure.
A thin leak of seed splashed on Yunho’s stomach. Feeling the hot sticky liquid hit him made Yunho harder and he twisted his fingers around, tangling Jae’s into his as he reached for the spot again. He felt the pressure of Jae’s body relax and he opened for Yunho, his core flowering and grasping at Yunho’s fingers.
“Yunho,” Jaejoong mewled, grinding his hips down to meet his lover’s intrusion. “I need you. Please. I need you inside of me. Can’t think…”
“Get on your knees, baby.” Yunho said, sliding his fingers from Jae’s heat. A quick wipe of his fingers on a tissue and he gripped Jae’s hips to maneuver his lover off of him. “On your knees and lift up. I’m going to take you now… show you who you belong to.”
“Me,” Jaejoong muttered defiantly but complied, resting his weight on his knees and spreading his legs apart. The position made him vulnerable, more so when Yunho pushed him lightly on his shoulders to lean him forward. His sex twitched, dancing across his belly to leave a trail of glistening spill on his skin. The feel of Yunho’s head at his entrance sent shivers up his spine and he allowed himself to be splayed out by his lover’s hand. Murmuring barely loud enough for Yunho to hear, he amended, “Yours.”
The first push ground the pressure outward and Jaejoong gasped. Reaching behind himself to grip Yunho’s side, he trembled and breathed hard, adjusting to the girth of Yunho’s sex. Panting, he forced himself to relax around Yunho’s crown and pushed back, engulfing the head fully with a fluid roll of his hips.
Yunho’s gasp joined his and they both forced themselves to hold still, each enlivened by the feel of the other. Jaejoong’s hot passage enveloped him, tightening as the man’s entrance closed in over him. When Jaejoong bent further forward, still resting his weight on his shins and knees, Yunho almost came when the man’s grip around him tightened.
“Go easy, baby or this is going to end before it even gets started.” Yunho exhaled and relaxed the tension in his shoulders.
Glancing down was a big mistake, Yunho decided when he saw himself poised at the core of his lover’s body. Jaejoong was stretched to accept him, his body taut but willing, needy in the small grinding of his hips. Moaning, he cautioned himself to slow down, give his lover time then Jaejoong moved and Yunho lost his mind.
Reaching under his lover’s belly, he stroked at Jae’s shaft before palming his sac, rolling the heavy weight of his lover in his hand. Inching forward, he slowly penetrated his the man’s heat, urged on Jae’s primal growls and mewls. His lover’s body tugged as he pulled back then gave way again when Yunho finally thrust all of himself into Jae.
“Yunho-ah,” Jaejoong gasped, his body stiffening in Yunho’s one armed embrace. Barely able to breathe, he leaned his head back onto Yunho’s shoulder, giving his lover access to his sex. Emboldened by Jaejoong’s surrender, Yunho gripped the man’s shaft and worked up and down its length, using the spill of seed from Jae’s crown to ease the friction.
“Should I keep doing this, Boo?” Yunho turned his head, whispering into Jae’s ear.
The other man’s mouth was slack, his beautiful face erotically sublime as the sensations of his body being penetrated rolled over him. As Yunho’s hand moved, Jae’s hips twisted and lurched in response. He tried to keep still but Yunho pressed further in, rubbing his groin against the cleft of his lover’s cheeks so Jaejoong could feel the crackle of Yunho’s hair on his ass and the weight of Yunho’s balls brushing against his own.
“Please, Yunho,” Jaejoong begged, panting. His hands fought to find purchase, finally closing over the firmness of Yunho’s thighs. He dug his fingers in, holding onto his lover when Yunho shifted his weight, driving up against the pleasure cluster in Jae’s heat. The begging turned to wordless whimpers and moaning, shifting to heavy deep panting when Yunho began to jerk his hips back then plunge deep into his lover’s passage.
“Mine.” It was a simple word but carried more weight than Yunho wanted it to sometimes. Unable to get the angle he wanted from his lover’s body, he pushed the man forward with his own weight, toppling Jae over.
Jaejoong hit the bed with his shoulders. Unable to use his hands to stop their fall, he rested solely on his chest with his ass splayed open and up for his lover to take. Gripping Jae’s hip with one hand and fisting the young man’s hair with the other, Yunho rocked hard, pulling out nearly all the way before thrusting back in, increasing the depth of each thrust as Jaejoong begged for more underneath him.
“Touch yourself, baby,” Yunho ordered, shoving up into his lover again and waiting a second before pulling back out. He felt Jaejoong jerk around him, feeling the young man warp his hand around his own sex. The movements of Jae’s hips were too shallow and Yunho pulled slightly on the handful of hair he possessed, growling in pleasure when Jae tightened around him. “Pull on yourself, Boo. I want to feel you come when I do. Hell, I want you to make me come when you do.”
They moved, finding each other with each thrusting plunge. Jae worked his length, spreading the moisture leaking from his head down his shaft. Cupping his balls, he closed his eyes and screamed at the feel of Yunho’s teeth clamping down on the skin between his shoulder blades. The sting almost brought him over, the heat of his balls roiling up and grabbing at his stomach. Yunho bit again, taking a mouthful of flesh and skin as he drove his hard, thick length into Jae’s willing body.
A tilt of Yunho’s hip undid him and Jae’s world went black, the room’s soft light receding under the sensations of Yunho’s onslaught. The sounds of their bodies joining excited him further, the gentle slush of oil and sweat providing a harmony to their mewling cries and animalistic moans. The stinging pain of Yunho’s hand in his hair drove him wild and he worked harder to pierce himself on Yunho’s sex. The feel of Yunho’s mouth on him again warned Jae and he braced himself for the throbbing bite of Yunho’s teeth. His lover held on to his skin and hair, letting go of his hip to reach under Jaejoong, covering Jae’s hand with his.
They worked at bringing Jae to a peak and Yunho shouted, hoarse and rough when the ripples of Jae’s climax rolled around his sex. Unable to do more than blindly force himself in and out of Jae’s tight core, Yunho held onto Jaejoong and rode him, driving the young man down into the futon.
“Mine, Jaejoong,” Yunho growled, feeling the first hit of Jaejoong’s leave the cup of their hands. “Say it. Tell me. Remind me.”
“Yours, agi. Yours,” Jaejoong screamed, going stiff in Yunho’s grip. His orgasm hit and he gave way to it, falling into the stars that rose to fill him. The brightness of his climax ran electric over his teeth and across his face, skittering down his belly and out of the slit in his sex. He shot once and again then the power of Yunho’s own release hit him, the hot fill of the man’s seed reaching up into his guts.
“I’m yours too, baby,” Yunho whispered.
He let go of Jae’s hair and cupped his chin, turning the man’s face so he could capture Jae’s full mouth. Sliding his tongue against Jae’s, he mimicked his thrusts, stroking the roof of Jae’s mouth. Suckling hard and twisting his hand around Jae’s sex, Yunho came again, pushing up to fill his lover. The rush of hot liquid around his sex only made him release again, and he jammed himself in deeper, wanting to feel his spill reach every part of his lover he could have.
“Mine,” Jaejoong murmured, falling forward slightly as his muscles released and lethargy took him.
Yunho went with him, cradling his lover while he rolled them over onto their sides. Reluctantly, his sex withdrew from the man’s hot grip and Yunho used another tissue to wipe Jaejoong clean. Slightly refreshed, the singer wiggled back until he was spooned against his lover’s chest. Wrapping his arms around Jae’s waist, Yunho pulled him even closer, burying his face into the softness of Jae’s hair.
“This doesn’t change anything, you know,” Jaejoong rasped, his voice hoarse from shouting. “We’re still… on separate paths. We still can’t be together…and it hurts, Yunho. It hurts deep inside of me… it’s that much pain.”
“I know, baby,” Yunho lifted one hand to stroke Jaejoong’s hair, playing with the sweat-tangled silk. “But you’re wrong. This changes everything.”
“How? How can it change anything when we both know we can’t…be out in the open. We’ve never been able to be open about… but now?”
“We’ve always had separate paths, Boo,” Yunho said, softly reassuring Jaejoong with a light kiss to his neck. “We just never know where our journeys are going to take us. It doesn’t mean that we can’t walk next to each other. It doesn’t mean that we can’t love one another. If I have to take down every star in the heavens so I have a piece of shadow we can hide in and kiss, I will. I love you that much, baby. I love you enough to plunge the world into darkness so I can have you in some small way. Shouldn’t that be enough for us? Shouldn’t that be enough for anyone?”