Chasing The Winter Moon ♥
Pairing: Moon Jae Shin / Goo Yong Ha (GeolRim fic) Post Sungkyunkwan Scandal
Overall Rating: Probably NC-17
Requested by: hoshiko_malfoy
Summary: Following an epic scandal at their university, two master scholars search for their own meaning of love.
Lesson One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven
There were too many emotions for Jae Shin to absorb, fleeting star-like bursts illuminating his heart and soul. Watching Yong Ha lick the kiss he’d placed on the man’s fingers was too much for him to handle and he scrunched his eyes closed.
And tried to forget that he wanted to follow his kiss into the man’s mouth.
“Jae Shin, look at me,” Yong Ha whispered. Moving his body closer, he raised himself up over Jae Shin’s torso, carefully avoiding putting any weight on the man’s stomach. “Geol Oh, please. If you can’t look at me…now… I couldn’t bear it.”
“I… I don’t know how to feel.” Jae Shin’s eyes remained closed and he flinched as Yong Ha’s fingers ghosted over his cheek but he didn’t move away. “This is too… much for me. I can’t…”
Never overly emotional, the rebel scholar was now drowning in too many sensations. Unable to sort out even the basest of his feelings, he found himself short of breath, caught up in a roaring tide he didn’t have the strength to swim in.
“Do you love me, Geol Oh?” Yong Ha begged. “Or are you just playing with me? Or is it Dae Min that you want and I’m just here?”
“What?” Jae Shin’s eyes flew open. “No! I…” Lightly touching the throbbing spot on his neck, he said, “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I… just don’t know. There’s too much in my head. I can’t think straight.”
“Okay.” Yong Ha sat back on his haunches, crossing his legs under him. “I know you’re not feeling well but I don’t… I don’t want this to grow a distance between us. We need to talk about this.”
“Why?” Jae Shin gulped and he struggled to sit up only to find himself too weak and tired to flee Yong Ha’s soul-stripping gaze. “I…can’t. I don’t know… I keep saying that but you’re not listening to me…”
“You keep saying that because you feel trapped.” Patting Jae Shin’s shoulder, Yong Ha nodded. “I know you. I know how you think. You want to run away right now because you have too many unfamiliar thoughts in your head. You don’t want to push me away but you can’t think right now. You’re hoping I will go away and in a minute or two you’ll start flinging insults at me, trying to drive me away from you to give you room to think but I’m not going to go anywhere. Not this time, my Geol Oh. Not for this.”
Yong Ha waited for the explosion of tempter Jae Shin was known for but it never came. Instead, he found himself staring into the face of a Jae Shin he rarely got to see; a vulnerable and scared young man seemingly out of his depth in so many ways.
A Jae Shin that Yong Ha knew in his heart existed beneath the man’s rough exterior.
A Jae Shin that made Yong Ha love him even more.
“We can take this slowly,” Yong Ha promised. “Talk about one thing first. Keep to that one thing, yes?”
“I don’t want to,” He refused with a shake of his head. “I...don’t think I can.”
“You scramble over rooftops in the pouring rain, fully armed to deliver messages of rebellion to the masses while being chased by guards who want you dead,” Yong Ha scoffed. “And you’re afraid of talking to me?”
“The rooftops I know. Being shot at and beaten, I can survive,” Jae Shin muttered. “And I want to do more than talking with you. I just don’t know how. And if I should.”
Yong Ha’s sternness softened. He’d been prepared to do battle with Jae Shin but the young man didn’t want to fight. He just didn’t know how to love, he discovered. Truly didn’t know how to go about loving someone, even a clandestine love they’d have to keep hidden.
Jae Shin really didn’t know what to do with what his heart was telling him, Yong Ha realized. One of the bravest, craziest and driven men he’d ever known now lay trembling at Yong Ha’s fingertips, felled by the touch of a man’s hand to his lips.
“Let me help you,” Yong Ha laughed at the frightened, fierce look Jae Shin gave him. “Let me make talking about this…less scary.”
“How can you make this less frightening?” The tinge of temper in Jae Shin’s rough voice strangely calmed Yong Ha. “We’re talking about this.”
“Us,” Yong Ha replied softly. “We are going to talk about us.”
“There should be no us!” Jae Shin’s words stung Yong Ha but he kept going. “What we… what I want is wrong. This… I don’t know what to call it. Affection? Attraction? Other people…”
“Other people don’t have to know,” He cut the other man off. “For now, let’s worry about you and me. We can bring other people into it later.”
“What do you mean bring them in? What in? What does that mean? How many people are supposed to have sex with each other?” Jae Shin’s eyes widened at the thought. “I can’t even have sex with one person! I’m supposed to have more?”
“If you don’t breathe, you’re going to pass out.”
“Good! Then we can’t talk about this!”
“It’s not going to go away — this thing between us. We need to discuss it. If we don’t, we’re just going to do more damage to one another,” Yong Ha said as he reached out to touch the bite on Jae Shin’s neck. “And you’re going to do more stupid things to get yourself hurt.”
“I don’t know how…” He scowled. “Sun Joon told me Dae Min did that but I don’t remember. Why would he chew on my neck? Was I attacking him? Was that the only way he could get free? How drunk and sick did that bad soju make me?”
“He… told me you let him.” The bedding suddenly became fascinating and Yong Ha picked at a loose thread a wave of embroidery. “That you liked it.”
Jae Shin didn’t know how to respond to what Yong Ha said. He tried, opening and closing his mouth several times but no sound came out, not even a whimper of protest and Yong Ha sighed in heavy resignation.
“So you do have feelings for him?” He asked, prodding Jae Shin.
The silence hurt — probably more than if Jae Shin admitted his affection for Dae Min out loud. In the deep silence between them, too many things lived; unspoken, dangerous things that whispered wicked thoughts into Yong Ha’s ear.
“I… don’t know.” Jae Shin struggled to sit up, breathing heavily as he worked the blankets from his chest.
Naked to the waist, he rubbed at his stomach, urging the rolling muscle cramps to stop. A fine sweat clung to his skin and his throat closed up at his own smell, a rotten acrid scent he’d couldn’t stand. What little strength he’d had was now gone, burned off with the mere effort of sitting up and it was all he could do not to fall back against the cushions. Yong Ha exclaimed at the grey tinge crawling over Jae Shin’s face and reached again for the cloths warming near the brazier.
Yong Ha was about to sluice a damp cloth over Jae Shin’s torso when the man grabbed his wrist. The shaking of his hand traveled up Yong Ha’s arm and his fear grew when Jae Shin shivered uncontrollably, losing his hold on the other man’s wrist.
“You’re going to wear yourself out,” Yong Ha scolded, quickly washing the sweat from Jae Shin’s skin.
“You wear me out,” Jae Shin muttered, shuddering when Yong Ha’s bare knuckles brushed over his pert nipple.
“If I were going to wear you out, this wouldn’t be how I would want to do it.” He retorted then drew back when Jae Shin scowled menacingly at him.
“See? You…” He pushed at the man’s hands, unable to do more than edge Yong Ha away. “How am I supposed react when you say things like that? Do you mean them? Are you teasing me? You ask me how I feel about Dae Min? I feel more in control. He doesn’t… taunt me with words and feelings I don’t understand.”
“It’s an act,” Yong Ha spat, tossing the cloth back into the bowl. “And it’s a worse act than Daemul’s. Can’t you see that?”
“What part is the act?” Jae Shin gestured wildly. “The respect? Wanting to talk to me about how I think about a certain law or maybe a passage of poetry? Is that what he fakes? That he’s interested in what I feel or think? And for what? What does he gain in pretending to be interested in me?”
“He gets to fuck you,” Yong Ha exploded and shoved Jae Shin back into the cushions. The man fell, the linens puffing up into the air around him. “He gets to get close enough to sink his teeth into your skin and mark you deep enough that I wonder if you’re not going to have a scar. That’s what he gets. That’s what he wants.”
“Isn’t that what you want?” Helpless and weak, Jae Shin struck back with a snarling storm of words. “To fuck me but without any of the time Dae Min’s spent…”
“Do you want to see how much I want to spend time with you?” Yong Ha growled. “Here. Let me fucking show you.”
The kiss was brutal but Yong Ha didn’t care. His hands were on Jae Shin’s face and his mouth was on the other man’s lips before Jae Shin could utter another word. Their tongues met in a savage dance, teasing and touching until Yong Ha moaned into Jae Shin’s mouth. Working his fingers into the man’s long hair, Yong Ha shoved Jae Shin further into the pillows, straddling his long tanned body. Fitting his crotch into the curve of the man’s hips, Yong Ha lay down on Jae Shin’s chest, frustrated with the layers of clothing separating them.
Their anger surfaced in small bites of each other’s lips and when Yong Ha moved down Jae Shin’s throat with a hot stream of kisses, he stopped at the mark left on Jae Shin’s satiny skin and stared at the mottle for a second before clamping his teeth over the spot, biting down hard into the pain Dae Min left behind.
“You are mine, Geol Oh,” Yong Ha growled, biting harder until Jae Shin gasped and writhed under him.
Sitting back, he felt a small tingle of satisfaction at the larger ring of marks forming around the bruise Dae Min left on the man’s throat. Gripping Jae Shin’s head, he descended again, delivering a punishing kiss and stealing any breath Jae Shin might have had left.
Jae Shin’s lips a sleek silk compared to the rough velvet of his tongue and Yong Ha made certain to explore both textures, dipping his tongue past Jae Shin’s teeth and nipping at his mouth until Jae Shin was unsure of what Yong Ha would do next. Trapped beneath the leaner man’s body, Jae Shin lay open to his friend’s assault, unable to do much more than ride the tide of sensations overwhelming him.
And unsure even if he could stop Yong Ha, that he would want to.
Yong Ha’s weight on him felt… right. And the hard length of Yong Ha’s sex thickening against his belly only made his own cock ache and thrum. Inside of him, something uncurled and reached out, needing more of Yong Ha.
If only he knew what to say. Or how to ask.
“Yong Ha…” Jae Shin murmured, coming up for air when the other man pulled back. “I don’t know how to be like this. I just… don’t know how to…be.”
“You don’t have to change for me, Geol Oh,” He whispered into the cupped space of his hands made around Jae Shin’s face. “You never have to be anything than what you are. My grumpy genius. My quiet romantic who saves the moon when I give it to him. The protector of a little girl far in over her heads but the keeper of her secrets. My complicated, gruff, loving mess.”
“And this… thing between us?”
“This thing is love. How we love… we have to figure that out,” Yong Ha sighed. “You… have no experience with loving anyone and I…”
“Have too much,” Jae Shin grumbled. “How can you want me? You… love women.”
“Adore them,” Yong Ha admitted with a sharp laugh. Rolling his hips around, he ground his sex against Jae Shin’s tender shaft. “But I love you more. Want you more. I have for a long time.”
“Then why do we… fight like this?” He asked, putting his hands on Yong Ha’s hips to stop the man from moving against him. The pressure building up in his sex was nearly to a bursting point and if he didn’t get Yong Ha to stop grinding on him, he’d have to push the man off of him and finish himself off with his hand.
“Because we need to…figure out this thing between us,” Yong Ha declared. He liked the feel of Jae Shin’s hands on him but the inability to move frustrated him. “I need you to talk to me. About everything. About how you feel about me…and how you feel about Dae Min.”
“I don’t know how I feel about Dae Min,” Jae Shin admitted. “A lot of it… I like him because he reminds me of you sometimes. He’s… a brat.”
“You think I’m a brat?” He raised his eyebrows and sat down firmly on Jae Shin’s crotch, avoiding the man’s stomach. “Like a spoiled child.”
“Most of the time.” He shrugged off Yong Ha’s glare with an elegant lift of his shoulders. “And sometimes you’re quiet…or asleep, and I can get a word into the conversation.”
“I do not…” Yong Ha trailed off, studying his friend’s face. “Okay, I promised I would listen. So I’m listening. Go on. Tell me how you can’t stand to be around me because I’m a pain.”
“I didn’t say I can’t stand to be around you,” Jae Shin murmured, moving his thumbs around Yong Ha’s hip bones, rubbing at the juts through the thick fabric of his underrobes. “If anything, I want to be around you more but… sometimes it’s hard… you’re not….”
“Around,” He whispered. “I’ve not been around you these past few months because I thought… you didn’t want me.” Yong Ha stopped Jae Shin before the man could protest in his own defense. “No, I’m not saying this is your fault. It’s not. It’s mine. I knew Dae Min was up to something but I trusted… us… that he wouldn’t think about tearing us apart when that’s what he was doing all along.”
“Why would he want to tear us apart?”
“Because, my dear innocent Geol Oh,” Yong Ha bent over to steal another taste of Jae Shin’s kiss-swollen, succulent mouth. “You can only belong to one person. It’s in your nature. Just like it’s in Dae Min’s to try to take what doesn’t belong to him.”
“And I what’s supposed to belong to you?” Jae Shin curled his lip, pulling back to stare up into Yong Ha’s pretty face.
“Yes,” He grunted, fisting his fingers in Jae Shin’s hair. “I just now need to convince him… and you… of that so I can get down to the business of showing you what love is.”
Bon Hwa entered the small building the school set aside for bathing. With the winter storms barreling down on them, sacrifices were made to keep the reek of sweaty male flesh down. An emptied out pantry off of the kitchen became a make-shift bathing house with large tubs of hot water periodically refreshed by the pages lurking nearby.
Removing his outer clothes, he glanced at the two young men squatting around a low tub, their partially naked bodies soapy with suds. Wrinkling his nose in disgust at getting wet, Bon Hwa heaved himself over the edge of the tub next to the younger scholars, grunting when his feet hit the hot water.
“Has Moon Jae Shin been in here yet?” He looked around suspiciously.
“Why?” The younger of the two looked up. Bon Hwa recognized him from one of the basic classes, a young lordling who dogged the upperclassmen in the hopes of appearing important.
“He makes me nervous,” Bon Hwa tried not to roll his eyes. If Jae Shin showed him as much interest as the man did his cousin, nervous would be what he felt in return. “He’s always sneaking a peek at my…” He flicked his glance down at his crotch. “You know… my manhood.”
“Moon Jae Shin?” The second youth’s voice lifted, disbelieving what he was hearing. “Geol Oh? That Moon Jae Shin?”
“I didn’t notice at first.” Bon Hwa shrugged and began to work a piece of soap across a wash cloth. “But then I heard one of the pages say he’d… well, Jae Shin wouldn’t stop touching him one day when hyung was drunk.”
“Touching him?” The lord’s son gasped. “Like a man does… with a woman? Did he… kiss him?”
“Worse,” Bon Hwa whispered. “Or so I’ve heard. But then, he’s Geol Oh, right? The Wild One. Who’s to say what’s in his nature or not. I just know… that if he’s in the bathing house… I wait. The last thing I want is to fight him off if he wants something. You’ve seen him with people who are nice to him. You should go look at my cousin’s face. Then you can see what he does to someone who wouldn’t give him what he wants.”